Teapot

 On my latest painting there is an awful lot of metal work to include. Metal is always tricky to get right so I tend to break it down a little to make it easier. First I get the metal I am going to paint and mix the colour accordingly until I can paint the object and the brush strokes disappear, particularly useful for this is old coins as I have lined up above.

 Once I have the basic colour then I can block in the rough shape, in this case a small teapot lamp that is only 2cm square, not much on a painting that is 48''x28'' but it still gets plenty of work.  The shadow is added too at this stage and as it bends around the corner its a two tone shadow.

 Once roughed in small highlights are added, not much but just enough for me to have enough information for adding the internal light.

 Things are much brighter now and I can brighten up the surrounding area accordingly but it still lacks the metal definition.

So more reflections are added, this time using a very fine brush loaded with white but with a small point allowed to hang from it. This is then carefully dragged in the right areas to give thin lines of reflection. That's the basics anyway, this will now be allowed to dry and then I will start the glazing, in other words thin layers of oil paint that will increase depth and complexity, its only then this will start looking like real bronze.

Well thats 2cm nearly done, only 8660cm to do!

Auntie Skippy

Dear Skippy,

My husband and I have been married for ten years but he still refuses to eat any meal I cook for him. I have tried everything from trifle and chips to his supposed favourite barbecued cabbage. All he seems to want to eat is odd food like pizza or spaghetti bolognaise, can you help?

Mrs E.Normous, Gwent

Skippy says, ttk,ttk-ttk,ttk ttk ttk ttk,ttk,ttk,ttk ttk t. (Help, I'm trapped down a well in Woolgonga!)

Dear Skippy,

Last night I looked through my wife's underwear drawer and found that I rather liked it, so much so that I started to wear her stockings and suspenders and strutted around the room in her high heels. Does this mean I'm a vegetarian?

Mr T.Rendy, Wick

Skippy says, ttk,ttk,ttk,ttttttttkkkktktktktktkttktk,ttk,ttk-ttk-ttk,tut. (Help, we are down to our last case of lager, bring supplies!)

Dear Skippy,

I write a blog most days about random things, does this mean that I am incredibly interesting or is it just all for attention?

I.Possimal, Arse-end

Skippy says, ttk. (Tosser)

Dear Skippy,

I find that when I listen to Polka music I have an unnatural urge to say the word 'plunge', likewise when I hear the foxtrot I feel the need to shout 'futtock'. Country and western music however causes me to place a cushion between my legs and gallop around the room, the question is should I buy a dog?

T.Ing-a-ling, Crotchet

Skippy says, ttk,ttk,ttk ttk,ttk,ttk,ttk,ttttktktktktktktktyttktktkykktkk. (Help! I'm stuck in the bush with nothing but a plastic banana, two spoons and a large antelope after riding a gnarly wave from Bondage Beach on my bonza surfboard. I'm also rather worried about Derek, he was riding the wave on a pedalo and the last I saw of him was when he sailed through the sky peddling like mad shouting 'ripper dude!', he crashed shortly after in a pile of plastic and pedals.'

Dear Skippy,

I'm trapped in a hole with two rampant koalas just outside Mwoolagong, send help!

R.Sole, Bottom Bay

Skippy says, ttk,ttk,tktktktktktt,ttttktktktktktktktyttktktkykktkk,ttttktktktktktktktyttktktkykktkk,ttk. (Tough titties!)

Tomorrow Rod Hull and Emus etiquette guide in a special pull out edition!

 

www.petersmithcollective.co.uk Home Of Foreverbunny and the Impossimals

In With The New

The picture above was taken on Christmas Eve in the middle of nowhere and seemed a fitting image to feature on the blog as we both look back on a good year for the Impossimals and also Jayne's hard work eventually paying off with the launch of her ceramic wildlife art.

So where do we go from here?

That was the reason I was stood on top of a peak on Christmas Eve watching an incoming ice shower roll over the hills; 2015. As the ice shower hit we both found shelter under a overhang of rock and waited for it to pass by. It may seem a little odd to cast yourself out into the elements on such a day, or even that we both ventured out in such conditions to walk seven miles across rough terrain but it's doing this that clears the mind of trivia and starts the whole thinking process off again. In 2015 we need as much clear headedness as we can get as we start the countdown to lots of events we have lined up.

New Impossimals will appear around February, in March and April we will be back on the road with select appearances whilst back at the studio we may be painting a six foot dragon as part of GoGoDragons that will go on display on the streets of Norwich. By May we host an evening at the Michelin starred restaurant The Pipe And Glass with a special menu created by James Mackenzie and the unveiling of The Secret Pantry, a special Lost Impossimal created just for the event (tickets are limited, contact us if you would like more details). Summer is spent adding to the new Lost Impossimal collection which may be ready for October although this could change due to the complexity of the paintings and finally we are working on six new Impossimal sculptures and of course more work regarding the animation series, new website updates, two new Mission Impossimal magazines, over 250 new blog entries and thirty new Lost Impossimal stories.

Phew!

We would both just like to thank you for your support and the memories you have shared with us through the Impossimals this year, it really does mean everything to us. In 2015 the world of the Impossimals is about to inject more smiles into the world but one thing is for sure, we couldn't do it without you.

Have a great night and a fabulous 2015!

Peter & Jayne

What A Waste Of Time

GOGGLEBLOG - E-Mails from our Readers

What a con these so called oven gloves are, I filled mine with cake mix and it didn't even cook it. Waste of money if you ask me.

P.Diddle, Halifax

Does anybody else go to the toilet at work? I do and find it so rewarding that I get paid to wee.

C.Drumstick, Dundee

Kids say the funniest things, only yesterday my son said 'I wonder if bananas can sing?' which was odd as he is a 42 years old bank manager.

Mildred Pilchard, Hull

I should think shoes should come with some kind of health warning, only yesterday I was wearing mine and walked into a lampost, surely it's only a matter of time before some shoe wearing individual comes a cropper!

R.Sole, Chappelhatpegs

I have dropped two bells and a cherry with three nudges left to win £2, can anybody recommend which reels to nudge?

B.Andit. Jackpot

Second reel twice, third once.

W.Inner, Pennyslot

I went downstairs over Christmas and met my 'family', they seem like nice people.

I.Pad, Appleton

This years sales are really disappointing, especially the one at Poundland, I for one will be shopping elsewhere in the future!

T.Hurrupenny, Bits

I went to Iceland this year for all my festive food as recommended on the television, imagine my surprise when all I found was several penguins and lots of snow and my bus trip cost me over £10,000. I for one will never shop there again, I'm sticking to the high street!

G.Raffe, Twycross

Is it just me or does this milk taste off today?

B.Itty, Twine

The best things in life are free so they say but I can't help feeling bitterly disappointed with my free air in my bag of crisps. Anybody else been disappointed by these 'free' gifts?

C.Rap, Monstermunch

I too have been disappointed by 'free' things, only yesterday I trod in some free 'dog eggs' and was not amused in the slightest, in fact I was so unamused I posted my soiled shoes through the nearest dog owners letterbox.

T.Urd, Wonkydonkey

Why has the blog been quiet over the last five days? I normally use it to cheer myself up after a night of heavy drinking.

T.Twizzler, Norfolk

Well, T.Twizzler have no fear, the blog is back from today with its usual waste of time and excessive drivel, enjoy!

Fawning Frumbler

If any of you are thinking of visiting The Mystical Bongo Bizarre market today in search for some last minute Christmas presents you are in for a treat, not only do the have the invisible hats back in stock but also we see a return of the wishing gum, chewing gum that grants you three wishes, how cool is that!

Here are some of the other amazing things on offer to fill your stocking this Christmas.

Get the latest in kitchen equipment with Finger Master (tm) the only finger grill in the world. Roasts chicken in seconds with a quick flick, snap your fingers to flambé, use two fingers to toast and a whole fist to barbecue, the choice is yours. One size fits all, optional flame guard and full fire proof suit available to avoid accidental infernos and troublesome flash fires. NB not for use indoors unless the room is decorated in fire retardant ceramic tiles and can withstand heat up to 1000 degrees. Stand well back when grilling, recommended distance is forty feet.

We now offer a rocket skate powered wheelbarrow delivery service on all our coal purchases. Why just put one piece of coal in a stocking when you can fill it to the brim? Imagine their little faces when they realise you have given them the gift of an open fire for Christmas the ungrateful little mares. When I was young I dreamed of owning a piece of coal, instead I got nuts, not this hokey rubbish like X-Bocks and Plystations. Give them a traditional Christmas, give em coal.

With the postal service being so expensive why not try our Festive Gift Cannon. For only £1 we will deliver any parcel of any size anywhere in the UK using our patented launch system. Impress friends when their festive parcel arrives speedily at 287mph through the lounge window and is safely caught in the remains of the Christmas tree that softened its landing. We have successfully launched everything from simple stuffed toys to goats filled with helium, although admittedly the goats are still in orbit most things arrive in one piece or pieces. One of our most popular services this time of year is to launch unwanted family members into the sea, along with inappropriate presents and gifts.

Meet Slapper(tm) our robotic marvel that is programmed to slap anyone with anything! It's a miracle of slapping technology and will happily slap away until his batteries discharge. Comes with mains adapter for twenty four hour slapathons. Special Slapper attachments include padles, bats, cushions and even a two foot rubber banana called the dominator. Treat someone to a slap this Christmas, you know you want to!

Be the proud owner of a real trouser snake with our Python Pants(tm) imagine the look on their faces when you reach down the front of your trousers and pull out a monster! Comes in a variety of sizes and colours, simply pick the one you like an choose your snake size. From Adders to Anacondas we have a snake to suit all with our guarantee that our Python Pants will keep you warm and others jealous with envy as you wriggle down the street.

Don't forget that today is the last day of the Bongo Bizarre and it will disappear in a poof of smoke sometime around 4:56pm. Have a great Christmas and don't forget today's magic words are 'Fawning Frumbler', use them twice in a conversation today for a special extra 10% off a Finger Master.

 

 

www.petersmithcollective.co.uk Home Of Foreverbunny and the Impossimals

Michelin Standard

Yesterdays cryptic blog entry was to buy a bit of time whilst we visited the Michelin starred restaurant The Pipe & Glass to put together an event that has been in the planning for quite a while. In conjunction with the Artmarket gallery in 2015 we are about to host a fantastic event for the Lost Impossimals, a night of fine dining, a unique menu and the launch of a special Lost Impossimal revealing the story, history and secrets of top chef James Mackenzie and the Pipe & Glass.

 The event will be held in May of 2015 and is restricted to limited numbers, a specially designed Lost Impossimal menu created by James will accompany fantastical stories and imagery as we journey through Twistory, an alternative history from a delightful world beyond imagination leading to the first unveiling of a specially commissioned Lost Impossimal on the night.

 The food of course will be first class Michelin starred as befitting of a six times Michelin awarded venue and limited accommodation is available on a first come first served basis.

Reservations at the Pipe & Glass are full for months in advance and this event is expected to sell out in record time so to be in with a chance of securing your ticket, special edition brochure and numerous other selected items on the night or if you have any questions please contact the Artmarket Gallery in Cottingham who is organising such a fabulous event on 01482 876 003 or email them directly at GALLERY@ARTMARKET.CO.UK

It's going to be fab!

The Perfect Christmas

I'm Santa and this is your guide to a festive frugal time this Christmas with some excellent designer ideas from a world famous bloke that's done a bit of decorating on television.

One simple way to make sure all your guests feel festive as they spend long hours on the porcelain throne after dinner is to jinglefy your cushion comfort rolls with the addition of a christmassy holly motif easily applied using a biro or crayon. For additional points keep a box of after eight mints in easy reach, not only will the minty taste help digest Christmas dinner but the resulting minty breath will also dispel most odours.

Carve potatoes with the initials of your guests beforehand and sprinkle with black pepper for a swish display of your culinary skills. NB This is not advisable if mashing potatoes, Inonce did that for guests called Robert, Caroline, Anthony and Paul, the resulting mash spelled out 'crap' on their plates, at least that's what I think they were on about when they mentioned that the potatoes were crap.

Cheese is always popular so make it more special by wrapping it in sparkly silver foil and add a sprig of holly as a flourish. Store in a warm room two weeks before hand to allow it to 'mature' before gifting it.

Got a heavy drinker in the family that costs oodles to keep supplied at Christmas? Fool them into drinking lemonade by decorating brightly and serving with a pint glass. If they still have the ability to see straight and read then simply write the word VODKA above the lemonade on the label for a new exciting drink 'Lemonade Vodka'. Make sure to place roller skates under the television and keep moving it around the room to create a vodka induced unsteady vision fooling your alcoholic guest.

Bin bags as presents can be so passé, make them special again by wrapping in ribbon before placing under the Christmas tree.

It's always a problem wrapping certain presents like toilet brushes, instead disguise them using items from the Christmas tree. A fairy makes an ideal toilet brush 'topper' and is ideal to keep out all year as an attractive display item for your guests. Crocheted toilet mats are a must to match and you can even add fluffy toilet seats to further enhance the luxury.

Decorations can be expensive so use freezer bag clips on ribbon for a useful festive display. Should space become tight in the kitchen simply 'peg' items to the display further enhancing it's attractiveness.

No table would be complete without a nativity display to wow your guests. Forget expensive ones from the shop just use all your leftovers creatively to give you a nostalgic glimpse into the true meaning of Christmas. Mushrooms make ideal kings whilst potatoes double up for Jospeh and Mary, feel free to add paper napkin hoods. Donkeys are best made from onions and a carrot manger completes the look.

One for the kids; turn any normal reindeer into the ever important Rudolph with the inclusion of a cherry tomato nose attached with Sellotape. Simple!

We hope these tips have been useful, don't forget to send me pictures of your cost cutting designer additions to your house!

 

 

 

www.petersmithcollective.co.uk Home Of Foreverbunny and the Impossimals

Humbuggery

Scrooge was on to a good thing, don't let the jollity of the season spoil your Christmas being miserly and rude, simply follow our several step guide to holding on to all those hard earned pennies this season and maintaining that grumpy demeanor.

Never ever throw away your candles, even when they have burnt down to the absolute bottom they can still give a few seconds of light and heat out for Bob Cratchit to stay another few hours on Christmas Eve.

Be awkward, the more awkward you are in general the more people will leave you alone to count your money this year. Gatherings of friends and family promotes happiness, stamp on this by provoking arguments although come Christmas Day tea time they should pretty much have started themselves.

Ask to take away any fat left over from the goose or turkey from any unpleasant gathering you are invited to. Burnt coal dipped in fat has a new lease of life and will warm your room and provide a pleasant cooking smell to boot.

Keep several chamber pots full to the brim with effluent, should a gaggle of carol singers turn up unexpectedly simply tip the contents from the first floor window onto their cheery heads. Don't forget to shout first so they look up open mouthed.

If by chance you get three ghosts appear on Christmas Eve who want to show you the past, present and future just ignore them, they only want to fill you with regret and remorse. Instead make Bob Cratchit work through the night of Christmas Eve until dawn that way you avoid any spirit intervention.

Say no to mistletoe. It cold and flu season so slap anyone who comes near you and chastise them to keep all their sniffles to themselves. And it's poisoness.

Tell any child you encounter that Santa is not real and lecture them on the evils of believing in anything other than the pursuit of wealth at the expense of others.

When counting pennies it is advisable to stack them in columns of ten, that way when transferring them to your safety deposit boxes you can easily see if any fall short or have been pilfered by that scheming Bob Cratchit. If you notice a discrepancy remind him of what you did to Tiny Tim by placing a crutch and a small cap next to his desk.

Remind people that everytime a bell rings a fairy loses it's wings.

If on Christmas morning you awake to a fresh coating of snow outside and you look out of the window to see a young scamp walking along, remember that big prize turkey in the butchers shop and fling open your window wide. Shout down to the young scamp and say 'Boy! I said boy! Does the butcher still have any turkeys left in his window?' When our young scamp replies 'Why yes sir!' simply add 'Well tell him not to buy so many next time, it's a terrible waste' and slam the window shut.

Remember to include the words 'Bah Humbug!' In most sentences although avoid using this in sweet shops as you may inadvertantly spend a penny buying boiled sweets.

Reminisce about how succulent Tiny Tim was once he had been basted and roasted.

Avoid using any door knockers shaped like a face and eating bread and cheese before bedtime.

Sack Bob Cratchit on Christmas Eve and reinstate him on a zero hour contract at lower pay providing he works Christmas Day.

Bah Humbug!

 

 

www.petersmithcollective.co.uk Home Of Foreverbunny and the Impossimals

Are You Huff Enuff?

I am the Huff but you can call me The Huff. You may know me as the all singing, dancing, beach rescuing, crime fighting, leather jacket filled with lights, singing on top of the Berlin wall type of guy but really, I'm down to earth....

...and so will you be bought down to earth with a bang if you follow my advice and visit the LAST APPEARANCE of 2014 for Peter & Jayne Smith. Feel worried, stressed? Need a little light entertainment? Want to laugh at somebody more unfortunate in life? Then meeting Peter & Jayne this Saturday 6th December is just the ticket! They will be at the Original Art Shop in Derby between 12-3pm (you may catch them before wandering around the pound shops though or if you arrive around 10am they will be sat in the carpark eating out of Tupperware)

All welcome for your last chance to WIN BIG and find a golden hare!

Let the Huff repeat that for you, Meet Peter & Jayne this Saturday 6th December in Derby at the swish Original Art Shop between 12-3pm, all welcome just stroll right in for festive fun, I know I will be there!

Yours Lavishly

The Huff*

*NB The Huff cannot guarantee that the Huff will attend, should the Huff fail to make the event Peter has been instructed to show you his baubles.

 

www.petersmithcollective.co.uk Home Of Foreverbunny and the Impossimals

Satsuma Santa

Thinking of gifts this year? Thinking of saving money and keeping healthy over this fattening period? Then look no further as Satsuma Santa is here to save you.

Save £££'s by avoiding expensive plastic toys by instead looking for marrows and turnips, these make excellent imagination toys for children especially if gifted with a large carving knife to produce intricate carvings and macabre scenes. Imagine the delight on little johnny's face as he opens his first set of three kitchen knives, he almost knows what's coming next when he sees the long fat shape under a tree. 'Could it be! Could it be a marrow!' shouts Johnny, 'Yes it could!' you all shout back as excited as he is! Watch as Johnny plunges the knife in and slashes away at the wrapping, you sit back and smile.

N.B. Carving knives are not suitable for the under 18's, excessive knife/marrow exposure may lead to serial tendencies in later life starting with mummy and daddy.

Replace fattening sweets with assorted peas, brussels and kidney beans dipped in a heart warming bovril dip, place in the fridge to harden then wrap sweet like in brightly coloured paper. The meat and veg texture will delight. For a festive addition sprinkle on cinnamon before consuming.

Take one carrot of about 12-15cm and chop off the greenery at the top, choose a nice 8mm drill bit and carefully drill into the top about 3cm leaving a small hole then wrap it up. Its the gift that keeps on giving, a healthy pen topper that doesn't mind being chewed!

For sentimental gifts use extra wrapping paper and place layers of onion skins in between, the addition tears of the gift receiver will add to the overall emotional effect.

Place baked potatoes wrapped in silver foil under your Christmas tree, if your festive lights fail and the resulting fire burns your house down you will have a comforting snack left in the ashes.

Take one big cabbage and sellotape two large parsnips to it, one either side to simulate legs and place in an oven for two hours for a vegetarian alternative to turkey.

Hollow out several watermelons of varying sizes making sure the bottom remains intact, place hole side down and arrange in a semi-circle. Use celery sticks to hit them for a pleasing drum sound. Hollow turnips make good bass sounds whilst dropping peas on a metal tray creates a cymbal ambience. The whole drum-veg kit can be dissembled in seconds for wrapping, storage or to make a pleasant soup.

I hope this has given us inspiration to have a Satsuma Santa Christmas, more money saving tips later in the month!

Wrong, Just Wrong

 Ahh, lovely vintage tree decorations from the supermarket, how sweet! What do we have in this fine selection?

Oh, wow, a little present wrapped in a bow, it's SOOO cute, can help but think it looks a little like something else, don't worry it will come to me.

 A full sack, Santa has been very generous this year although I'm not quite sure what the brown thing is yet...

 Cats at Christmas and he even has a nice flower attached, where's his tail gone? Somethings not quite right but I can't put my finger on it...

Teddies! Yay! Teddy is having a cuddly, at least that's what I think he is doing...

Woooooooeeeeeewoooooo!!!!

You unlock this door with the key of imagination. Beyond it is another dimension - a dimension of sound, a dimension of sight, a dimension of mind. You're moving into a land of both shadow and substance, of things and ideas. You've just crossed over into the Twikelight Zone.

They were just a set of vintage looking decorations until their true meaning of Christmas is revealed to be far from festive in this weeks Twikelight Zone...

 'NO! NO!!!! Don't put me in the box, anything but the box!'

'GET IN, I shall set the meat grinder to fine mince, you won't feel a thing...'

 'Hey! This is your disgusting tail not mine! And why is there glitter on it?'

 'Hey Mabel, guess what? We have been sent gift wrapped poo again like last year.'

 'Hey baby, do you want to play with my presents?'

Sorry if all this has been a bit weird but it all started when I saw this picture of the Kardashians celebrating Thanksgiving so please forgive my mental state.

SNOW - Know The Facts

Snow is actually dandruff. High winds from the Gulf Stream blow through the hair of millions of people lifting the dandruff to new heights before depositing it around the world during winter. The worst case of 'druff' fall occurred in 1965 when England was bought to a standstill with druff drifts of over twenty two feet high, that's bigger than a double decker bus! Hair conditioner was applied to roads and lorries were fitted with combs to help clear the major routes.

The coldest place on earth is surprisingly in the Sahara desert, during night time the temperatures can plummet as much as 300 degrees. It has been known for explorers to be unprepared for these extremes and can be often found as ice statues the next morning even on the hottest days.

Did you know if you feed cows ice cubes they will automatically dispense ice cream from their udders? Make them eat strawberrys too and they will give you raspberry ripple! Amazing!

If you spell 'snow' backwards you get a word that means gullible.

Did you know we have over a hundred ways to describe snow? Bloody snow, f@&£ snow, sh@&!? snow and possibly 97 other variants many unprintable.

Snow when frozen is called snice, ice when frozen is called frice, if snice and frice happens at the same time you get egg frice snice which is number 22 at your local takeaway.

If you sit too long in the snow you will get snow balls.

Snow is the ultimate diet food, each ounce of snow contains no calories and no fat. Several slimming companies endorse the use of snow in your diet and some even thoughtfully include it in your frozen meals making them extra healthy. Be sin free and nibble on an icicle instead of that calorie laden carrot.

The Snowman is a popular cartoon and book based on a snowman that creepily comes alive, steals false teeth and abducts a boy in the dark of the night who after realising his crimes then disappears leaving behind only his clothes.

The Snowdog is another tale about dead dogs to lift the spirit.

Father Christmas on the other hand is about a grumpy fat bloke that likes dressing up.

If you took all the icecream in the world and made one large 99 out of it you would be crushed under the weight of the accompanying flake unless of course you live in 2014 where your flake will look like a small shrivelled dog turd and be no more than 2cm in length.

Strap ice lollies to the soles of your shoes for instant 'ice' skates in any weather.

Strap ice lollies to your knees and elbows to recreate tobogganing by getting on all fours at the top of a hill.

Cannon balls rolled in snow and fired from a cannon make pleasant seasonal artillery gifts for enemy soldiers.

Snow can be used instead of carbon footprint increasing polystyrene to protect expensive electronic gifts this Christmas when wrapping.

Keep everyone festive this December by replacing words with festive equivalents. 'Do I snow you?', 'Yule regret that!', 'What a load of baubles the weather is, I told you it would reindeer.', 'I'm into witchcraft, I worship Santa.'

Be careful when you shake snow globes as they work like snow callers and you are effectively inviting a localised snowstorm to your area.

Christmas is so popular that 34% of people think we should have it every year.

Yellow snow tastes like lemonade, brown snow is chocolate, you are only warned not to eat it because supermarkets want you to carry on buying their own brands.

 

www.petersmithcollective.co.uk Home Of Foreverbunny and the Impossimals

Stamp Club

The first rule of stamp club is if you lick it you stick it, stamps are cool and if anybody tells you otherwise show them your collection of stamps depicting fruit flies from the Maldives and they will soon eat their words. Stamps open up the world like nothing else, forget that new fangled interweb, stamps allow you to communicate DIRECTLY with people from around the world. It's the future and with postage prices set to rise to £24.64 for a first class letter and deliveries restricted to odd numbered days there has never been a better time to hoard stamps. Let me show YOU how INTERESTING they can be.

I thought this would draw gasps, amazing isn't it? Not only do we have a full set of men holding fish but we also have the Super Shunter collection featuring favourite chuff-chuffs from history. What other hobby allows you to combine fishing and train spotting in one enjoyable collection? Nothing, NOTHING compares to stamp collecting, it's almost too exciting for words and easily beats my other pastime of organising my nasal hair and toe clipping collection.

Certainly collections, can, how can I say? Be a bit frisky and borderline PORNOGRAPHIC in nature. You have been warned! This small collection pictured above is often passed under the table in BROWN PAPER BAGS at special Postal Porn meetings organised by local enthusiasts.

Some collections though are absolutely disgusting and any member found to have the above stamps showing RAMPANT MELONS and SUGGESTIVE CUCUMBERS will be immediately banned for six months. Any member caught LICKING this collection will immediately be banned for life.

Ahem, anyway in today's celebrity led culture what could be more apt than a series of celebrity stamps.

Nikki Minaj makes an ideal Stamplebrity with these two stunning photographs taken from her recent tour, the older generation might however prefer a collection of classic entertainers.

Tommy Cooper is always a favourite, as you can see there is something for EVERYONE!

Some countries specialise in badly drawn animals and have special diamond envelopes to match their peculiar diamond stamps. In fact even hats, windows, doors and every imaginable thing in Mongolia is triangular, even houses!

Stamps can be valuable too, did you know a 1st class stamp purchased in 2011 would have only cost you 46p, these stamps are now changing hands in 2014 at 62p!!! That's a whopping 35% increase in your investment and you don't get that at your bank!

You do however have to be aware of the pitfalls of stamp collecting. Recently I found I had a Penny Black in my collection, black stamps are mistakes, stamps should be colourful and gay. I found this stamp particularly awful and trimmed off its perforations to make it look more attractive but it didn't work. So if you have a Penny Black in your collection just like me throw it away, it's worthless, invest in the new Nikki Minaj ones, I guarantee you will be on to a winner!

Today's blog has been bought to you by Stanley 'Stamp' Gibbons Post Office Share Price Booster Ltd, helping you to help us run a better service by having a silly slot at the post office that resembles out dated sorting machine slots and not your letterbox so we can fart around with letter and parcel prices so you don't know if you are coming or going.

 

www.petersmithcollective.co.uk Home Of Foreverbunny and the Impossimals