Pie

Yesterday I spent the best part of the day sculpting all manner of Impossimals and shapes, carefully assembling each one and decorating it appropriately before placing in position ready to photograph. Some of the models though required a bit more of a different approach.

Take the Knitted Growler for example. I wanted a pork pie pig but found the use of plasticine to create a realistic body too much of a constraint so went out and bought an appropriate sized pie instead. Unwrapping the prop I knew that the smell would get a little annoying but at this stage all was well. The pork pie was fresh and the plasticine was attached using matchsticks, surrounding my growler was an assortment of onions, a little cheese and pickle with a dab of mustard on the side all adding to the aroma. The last addition was sticks of celery behind to act as a forest setting and to match the story. The downside though was I needed this to survive three days at least, refrigerating overnight to maintain it's crispness.

In reality it only lasted two days before the overpowering smell of the combined ingredients filled the studio. The celery forest had only lasted a day which was disappointing but at least I had some photos to work from. It all made rather a mess to the plasticine, I threw away the worst and reclaimed what I could of the rest.

But as you can see I did manage to get some good shots in before it all wilted including a little top shine off the pie and pickle.

Party Food

Baron Alexander von Humboldt (1769-1859) was a Prussian naturalist and explorer who explored much of Central and South America. Humboldt and his friend, the French botanist Aime Bonpland, explored the coast of Venezuela, the Amazon and Orinoco Rivers, and much of Peru, Ecuador, Colombia and Mexico (1799-1805).

Charles had been an avid follower of these explorers as England entered the Victorian era, exploits that took Charles through his youth until in 1838 he found himself on board a vessel bound for Peru following his hero Humboldt exactly forty years to the day.

Peru was beyond imagining and a fresh eighteen year old with adventure in his blood had his first real taste of the unknown the very first night the expedition decided to set up camp in a pineapple grove.

As he lay down to sleep he felt a sharp stabbing pain down his back, like a thousand needles, which made him jump up startled. It was dark so he fetched his oil lamp and pulled away the bed clothes. Through the gloom he could see hundreds of tiny spikes, so small they could only just be discerned in the fading light. Quickly reaching for his magnifying glass he gazed closer.

The spikes were actually small sharpened sticks, and on each one, carefully skewered, were what appeared to be a selection of foraged food. Clearing away a bigger area revealed that the sticks eventually diminished into empty piles of sticks with curvy trails leading away in all directions. A faint noise sounding like a toot-toot came from his bedroll and out popped a Peruvian Party Python, brightly coloured and resembling a slinky line of sausages it stithered, or stagger-slithered away into the night before Charles could catch it guided by it’s glittery rotating tail.

Charles first true experience of the unknown which we now know was the start of something great.

The painting itself has a more mysterious history, it disappeared into the private collection of a Charles Forster in 1858 and remained hidden from public gaze until 1869 when it appeared in the offices of a newly formed toothpick manufacturing factory. Owner of the toothpick manufacturing machine and patent was Charles Forster prompting speculations that the Peruvian Party Python had a significant influence in events. It’s one of only several paintings that remain in private hands and occasionally it is loaned out for exhibits and in some cases to be used as stylised period props in dramas.

In September 14th 1945 the painting resurfaced as part of London’s Thanksgiving week, celebrations after the war were frugal and simple fare such as food skewered on a simple toothpick become increasingly popular. It reached a peak with record toothpick sales in the mid 70’s, again the painting mysteriously appeared in the background of the television adaptation of ‘Abigail’s Party’ along, unsurprisingly, with simple fare skewed on ‘cocktail’ sticks as they had now become known.

The painting passed back into the museums hands only recently after being found at the back of a prop cupboard at the BBC.

Disco Inferno

This was Abigail's Disco Tailed Peruvian Party Python right at the very start of it's life, primarily lumps of plasticine held together by pipe cleaners to recreate a childhood toy. You may remember them, they were plastic snakes that you held by the tail so the slightest movement of your hand made them wriggle a little. Amusing for a short time I admit but I also remember that mine was bright red with crazy markings on them and that was what I wanted my ADTPPP for short to be.

Once everything was modelled including the cheese, onions and sausages it was take out side and placed in a suitable spot in the garden to be photographed. The sun was at just the right height and as it was a cloudless day perfect for the photo shoot. I must have taken around fifty photos from different angles until I was happy with it all.

Back inside I could sketch up the photo and begin work. First job was to paint in all the grass using a long haired pointy brush and using my paint thinned down with Liquin light. It took ages but finally I could start the python. Using a bright red base with a pale and wrinkly underside I used photos of Peruvian designs to add a further splash of colour into the piece.

Paying special attention of course to things like sausages. I even had some items of party food in the studio so I could get the colour and detail just right, the smell after a few hours though was not too good, cheese it seems does not like to sit under a hot spotlight for long periods and tends to break out in a sweat. Ugh!

Still, it all looked fine in the finished piece, all the party food in place and the shiny disco balled tail cast just the right amount of sparkle out to allow this Peruvian Party Python find it's little way home again. All that was left was to write the story and I'll include that in tomorrows entry.

No Brolly Required

It's probably got to be the worst weather I have driven in for sometime during our journey to Trident Galleries this weekend. The rain had been hammering down all night, standing water on the motorways made the going treacherous and 60mph gusts of wind added to the misery. Over the course of three miles we witnessed five accidents, all serious from the overturned cars and wreckage we saw and went through three lane closures due to debris.

Away from the motorways things were no better, large pools of standing water and limited visibility made the going slow even at 30mph. Looking at the highways agency reports it had been a busy morning everywhere in the UK with orange and red alerts peppering the screen. Not nice. Still, we arrived safely but the rain pretty much carried on all day as I'd imagine it did everywhere. Fortunately both of the weekend appearances went extremely well despite the weathers best efforts, let's just hope it all gets a little brighter for the upcoming bank holiday weekend.

Today though is a different matter, for a start there is a strange bright object in the sky. I think it's called the sun if I remember. Aaran, Jura and Iona knew exactly what it was and after nearly a week indoors hiding from all the nasty weather as soon as the door opened this morning out they binkied, the bunny equivalent of extreme happiness.

...and then launched straight into chewing mode and decided to take it out on Bunnyopolis with a three way chewing session. Aaran is on the left, plump Iona in the middle and Jura on the right being a little camera shy.

I know it's nice outside but today is another day of model making before getting back to painting tomorrow, my list of items required is plasticine, tin foil, pipe cleaners, cotton wool and a large oven tin and cup, I'll just have to see if I can sneak them out of then kitchen, especially after filling the last oven tin with a mixture of water and ink a few weeks ago. Admittedly it did stain a tad and had a tendency to come off on everything as Jayne pointed out eating her perfectly cooked yellow and purple salmon fillet. Ooops!

 

The Phyllis Jones Ralph Squirrel

Hidden in the centre of this weeks TV guide is another social barometer book, or 'special' presents for special people just like me and you. A quick glance through and this week it seems the double dip recession is starting to take a grip as the adverts have taken a more ominous note...

 Now, hidden amongst the soft 'noiseless' incontinence briefs and professional callous removers are things for the thrifty. Not only can you count your money scrooge style with two handy counting machines, one digital for those who know what the interwebnet is and a manual one for those that remember George Formby and Arthur Askey. Times must be really hard though, for those OAP drug deals why not buy your self a handy pocket scale. Apparently these scales never lie, even though you dealer might.

So if your an OAP and strapped for cash maybe buy a set and start your own cash4goldielookingthings or be creative and cut your vitamin pills with something more exciting. If nothing else you can always weight your false teeth before and after a meal to see if they need cleaning.

This I like. A creative way to add a bit of prestige to an item, include a name. These are all probably genuine but they seem to have gone a bit overboard this issue, I particularly like the Phyllis Ferrari bag. Not too sure about the Pat Butcher six head electric shaver or the Winston Churchill 2-way shoe stretcher.

Then I got to the back page and nearly dropped my Burt Reynolds Slipper Shoes in shock. Now you too can give your dog authentic roadkill.

Rabbit, Rabbit, Rabbit

 The perspex winter coverings on Bunnyopolis have been taking a battering over the last two weeks with almost constant rain. Aaran, Jura and Iona are getting a little tired of it all and can be found often sitting wistfully on a shelf looking out of the window.

Grumpy is one word for it, even though the door is wide open for them they really do not like getting their feet wet at all, probably because their woolly feet act like little sponges and the rain annoys their ears.

Over the last few weeks though when they have been out I have been trying to get them to jump over the special gate I made. A gate which is shrinking by the day as they gnaw away at it. During these sessions we have now learnt a new form of bunny communication. Two nudges is a greeting to a friend, often delivered in quick succession, this we already knew but our new bit of information involves the bunny meaning for happy and having fun.

All of them display a slight head flick complete with floppy ears. It's only tiny but it means they are pleased. If you return the gesture (although my ears don't flop as much) they will copy it and want to play. Play essentially involves them staying quite still until you are just about to grab them upon which point the run away flicking their heads, this can be repeated four or five times until they decide they have had enough and turn to face you ready for a stroke, a final flick of my head says thank you and they return with a single tap.
Very cute and all three do the same thing, what's even more impressive is that they display these characteristics to both me and Jayne in slightly differing ways confirming that they identify us as individuals and not just the fur less giants that bring food.

You know, I might just be getting the hang of this bunny talk.

St Georges Spectrum

Yesterday on ST Georges Day the humble UK computer the ZX-Spectrum reached it's 30th birthday, immediately reinforcing the fact that I'm getting old. Way back in 1982 I remember opening my first 16K ZX-Spectrum that had winged it's way from Sinclair Computers after a pre-order based on their previous foray into computing the ZX-81. It, of course, didn't work. Sinclair used to have a lot of issues when releasing new machines and I had to wait another eight weeks in crossed legged anticipation until it returned, was powered up and I immediately fell under it's trance of 15 shades: seven colours at two levels of brightness each, plus black, user definable characters, high resolution graphics (256x192) and of course sound, thorough the use of a single channel beeper underneath. I was easily pleased it seemed but then again computers were treated with awe in the early eighties and any kid who had one was greeted by adults as a wizkid or computer genius.

Many of us were not. We just had a handy tool that looked to parents as if it would teach us stuff but instead we primarily used it to play conversions of popular arcade games and occasionally programmed a simple routine to type into the shop display in WHSmiths.

10 PRINT "WHSMITH SUCKS!!!  ";
20 GOTO 10

More complex stuff included the command INKEY$, which could be programmed within seconds to make sure the next time a key is pressed on the public display a rude word flashed up. Anyway I digress...

Computers before the ZX-Spectrum were for nerdy types and involved either a lot of soldering and breadboarding or you needed to have the patience of a saint to program the thing using a membrane keyboard whilst trying to do the equivalent of typing War and Piece onto a A4 page with your massive 1k of memory.

For those that are not familiar with computers of this period let me try and describe one for you. Imagine a bit of black plastic with a keyboard, the keyboard though has the feel of dead flesh as it's made out of rubber. Each key not only displays a letter but can also be changed to do four other options all illustrated on the same key making it incredibly clumsy. Now attach it to a television, plug it into a wall socket and turn it on.

Well done. You may now play with your new computer. Your options are :

1) Type in a game from a listing, it will take you nearly all day to do and when you run it the program will not work, but hey, think of all that programming experience you will get.

2) Load a game from tape. Attach a tape recorder (if you have just said what's that? then I suggest you skip the rest of this blog annd listen to your iPod), adjust the volume and try to LOAD a pre-written game from tape. It may take 7-700 minutes to load depending on the quality of your tape recorder, how many times you have to keep retrying it and if your sister has recorded the top 40 over the top of it.

3) Try to program more than 10 PRINT "HELLO"

4) Type BEEP 1,3, go hum a little then experiment trying to write music like Baa-Baa Blacksheep. BEEP 1,3; BEEP 1,3; BEEP 1,3... and so on.

5) Really learn to program and make £££!

It was the last one that fired a lot of people up, suddenly the ZX-Spectrum opened up a world to everyone where home programmers could write that popular game making them millionaires. Well, not quite, but a lot of people did it and a lot of people made a lot of money.

Classic games of the period include Jetpac, created by Ultimate Play The Game. Never heard of them? Well, they went on to program a slew of arcade games and the incredible Donkey Kong Country series under the name of RARE. Hungry Horace, Manic Miner, Jet Set Willy, Monty On The Run, Pyjamarama, Lords Of Midnight,Chuckie Egg and The Hobbit to name only a few from over the 50,000 that were released in this golden age of computing.

You can see the difference the Spectrum bought with it, here's a screen shot from the ZX-81, Sinclair's earlier machine...

So no wonder I nearly wet myself when this popped up...

 Full colour!

OK, it all looked a little less exciting once it started but boy was it a good game for it's time. Pleasures you see were quite simple in Spectrum days. You got used to imagining quite a lot. If this was made again today we would have a fully pre-rendered moon scape, realistic meteors, 3D modelled astronauts and the whole game would be played out online against the world for a modest fee.

The beauty of simplicity though was part of it's charm and gamers used to take games to their heart and even produce fan art and maps to help other players. This one is for another excellent game Sabre Wulf, a sort of exploring maze game with weird flowers looking for parts of a amulet.

As you can see as soon as I start I could write all day about this so before I bore you to death let me show you some nerdy screens from back in the day. Do you know which machines they are from?

Brollywood

The British weather is a strange beast, declare a hosepipe ban and we get a five days of rain, forecast a barbecue weekend and it's middling to average. Forecasts, particularly on the radio are very general at the best of times, I think my favourite one was "Sunny spells with occasional cloud, chance of rain in most places, feeling cool at times out of the sun." which more or less could be read out most days and be particularly accurate.

So, with the latest update to the Metoffice website and numerous other new ways such as phone apps and mini wifi weather stations to find out if you need a brolly you would expect things to have improved a little. To test them out I downloaded quite a few and synchronised the locations, all of them purported to use the same weather station but all were different in their prediction, some were quoting warmer temperatures whilst others were lower. One particular app quoted 88% precipitation, or rain as we like to call it, whilst another read zero for the same figure. Things it seemed were not much improved until by chance I found this...

No longer do I have to worry about the weather I just chose what I am doing for the day and it does not bore me with the details, simple!

So if I want to know if my hair will frizz today the handy Hair Frizz Risk recommends I wear a bathing cap. Skiing on the other hand is poor, probably due to lack of mountains and not being winter might have something to do with it but on the bright side Dog Walking is on the up whilst that Outdoor Concert in the back garden has now been cancelled due to a poor outlook. At least I don't have to worry about malaria with the low mosquito risk.

All it's thats missing now is an app that answers one question "Do I need a brolly in the next 24 hours?" Y/N? I'm sure it would make squillions.

Photoswapshop

I have noticed a new trend appearing in supermarkets and giftware shops up and down the country, photoswapshop. Essentially you simply replace the image in photo frames with new more interesting ones to score. The more gasps you get without being offensive or too rude with your pictures the better, this one is particularly stunning.

Oh my, is that a shotgun in your hand? Probably a 7/10 picture on the weirdness scale. More of a titter than an all out lol.

Bit too strange for me, 4/10, more along the lines of WTF. I suppose there could be a special strange category though and it would score a little higher.

Oh my, this guy has got it right, slightly disturbing, risqué and funny all at the same time. Clearly a 9/10 attempt.

For sheer randomness though armed cowboys with a dancing girl in a saloon setting is a good attempt. 7.5/10 for effort but for a 10/10 you really need this...

OMG! 10/10, well played!

 

Route

Bit of a geeky one today I'm afraid, as you probably noticed the blog was out of action yesterday after I broke the internet. It all started quite innocently yesterday with the addition of a new backup hard drive for the office network. A simple task, just plug in and switch on, simples, then all the backups will synchronise perfectly and automatically.

So spending a day sorting out router problems was not what I wanted to do but this little addition seemed to tip our network over the edge. First the phones lost their wireless connection, then the PC's lost the t'internet and finally the speed light dipped from 100mb to 10mb signalling a problem.

Sigh. It took me a while to work it all out and ultimately discover that I needed to enter ALL the IP addresses manually to avoid conflicts and with plenty of wireless equipment that WAS fun. Secondly I stumbled across another problem of wireless interference, it seemed that several new Wifi's had been set up and was causing a bit of mayhem with two devices, again a switch to a new channel was required, the second in a year, what's going to happen when I have no more channels to switch too? The final problem was the automatic mapping of the new hard drive and the way it announced itself across the network with big heavy boots, suddenly it was everywhere and had kindly given each PC three new mapped drives interfering with the existing mapping then proceeded to back up anything it could find without asking thank you very much.

I suppose that's the way with technology today, everything is on overload. Over the years much has changed, computers have become more useful and portable changing us in ways we never thought possible. Just consider Facebook, the equivalent of that fifteen years ago would be a cork board in the kitchen the whole family used, occasionally adding photos, notes and reminders. Today it is a global cork board and the whole world is treated like a family, suddenly you have access to millions of photos, notes and snippets of other peoples lives not only that but you can access it anywhere on a myriad of equipment and that's the problem, where do you stop?

So with that in mind I went back to my network and re-evaluated it. I removed all the equipment and started from the very beginning. Utilising Dropbox, iCloud and a local cloud network hosted on the new hard drive I managed to cut the amount of devices utilising my small router. Sharing data is now done from a central point, certain pieces of equipment only have access to certain tools like Facebook for instance, dropping the amount of Facebook able technology from six pieces of equipment to just two suddenly the bandwidth became a lot less cluttered. Location services were cut down and a little tweak on the router allowed me to use a faster speed on one of the channels.

Bit of a pain to do it all yesterday and I did miss writing the blog but everything seems faster and this de-clutter has done everything some good. See? a really boring entry, at least today I'm back in the studio painting so lets have a cat with a top hat picture to finish.

Jackanory

I thought after yesterdays blog entry we would have a bit of a treat and I will share with you the Legend Of The Knitted Growler, are you sitting comfortably? Good, then I'll begin...


Deep in Leicestershire hunters gathering at their latest meet near Melton Mowbray in 1878 noticed, after chasing a fox into a nearby thicket, an uncovered section of earth that had recently been turned over. Fearing they had stumbled across something quite sinister the Lord of the manor was immediately called and the earth removed.

The hole contained a pink ball of wool, underneath this they found several jars of a bitter hot sauce, several portions of cheese, tomatoes and a curious mixture that looked like mud but actually tasted sweet and sharp all at the same time. Muddy footprints around the hole showed a pig like creature had been there some time before.

Charles Burroughs our explorer had been in England some time writing up his latest discoveries and cataloguing the finding from his recent discovery, Edison’s Sherlock Sidewinder, when by chance he read about the discovery in the London Gazette. Charles had already had dealings with a similar creature in 1870 that he failed to discover in Germany, the Peppered Pork Pie Pig, and wondered if this could be a relative. The only difference it seemed was the German Pork Pie Pig buried Sauerkraut, cabbage and mushrooms instead and deduced that the bitter hot sauce that was found was obviously mustard, a passion shared by both species.

Charles arrived in Melton Mowbray in July of the same year and immediately asked to be shown the discovery. Although it had been several weeks since Charles notice a white fleshy transparent skin still scattered around the area creating a barely discernable trail leading deep into Brentingby Wood. Quietly Charles made his way deep into the forest. After a mile or so the forest seemed to change, gone were the wooden trunks, now they were replaced by stiff semi transparent ribbed curved columns, Charles had stumbled into Celery Hollow, a wild wood fabled for it’s heady smell and edible trees.

As he ventured further in he became aware of a clearing ahead and heard a soft grunting noise followed by a whirring. Charles paused and using moss from a nearby stone covered the base of his shoes to quieten his footsteps. The closer he got the more intrigued he was until at last as he saw the source of the noise.

A six foot high pig, or to be more accurate, a six foot high pink knitted pig complete with a corkscrew shaped tail and black and white furry ears. Its entire body was circular in shape with little ‘crimps’ around its rotund back. Charles was amazed, even more so as the Knitted Growler as we now know it, used its curlywhirly tail to twist out of the earth a massive pickled onion with a distinctive whirring sound. An onion so big it was the size of Charles head, the aroma smelt paradisiacal and was complimented with an additional aroma as the Growler used a dainty trotter to take a small piece of cheese, place it on top of the onion, add a dollop of the brown sweet sharp stuff and finally finish off the pickled tower with a slice of cucumber.

It was at that moment that the celery stick Charles had been leaning on decided to snap and he tumbled forward head over heels out into the open bringing him face to face with the Growler. The Growler looked at him, sniffed the air, gave a soft grunt and gently pushed the pickled tower towards him. Having been in situations like this all too regularly Charles took it to be a friendly gesture and using his handy pocket knife he sliced himself a bit of the large onion, added the cheese, a bit of the mysterious pickle then finally a slice of cucumber and took a bite.

It was one of the best things he had ever eaten, the onion was like nothing he had tasted before or since, peppery, spicy, juicy, sweet, it was all these things together and more. The Growler joined him and ate too but only after placing it’s snout in a large jar full of what Charles had correctly surmised to be mustard first.

This surreal Growler picnic went on until the giant onion was finished, all the cheese gone and nearly all the pickle and mustard had been consumed until both sat contented and unable to walk from overly stuffed tummies. Later that night Charles bid farewell to his new friend and returned to Melton Mowbray with news of his find.

In order to shield the Knitted Growler from sightseers and even captivity Charles shared the location with one of the town’s most respected residents John Dickenson, owner of the towns Pie Business and creator of the Melton Pie popular with the huntsmen of the era.  John promised Charles that he would visit and protect the Knitted Growler for as long as he should live and true to his word over the years John Dickenson built up quite a rapport with the Knitted Growler.

It has been said that the John and the Growler eventually came up with a special mix of flavours that was so good John used it in his pies, pies that eventually came so popular due to this secret ingredient they took the name of the town they were produced and even survive to this day, the Melton Mowbray Pork Pie.
Rumour has it that even the distinctive shape is based upon the Knitted Growler and somewhere in Melton Mowbray is a secret room that holds the special ingredients used in its production that makes them so distinctive, peppery, spicy, juicy, sweet... sound familiar?

Knitted Growlers

growl-er

noun: 1. A person or thing that growls.

2. An artisan pork pie.

A few weeks ago I started work on my Knitted Growler, a distant relative of the Peppered Pork Pie Pig of the Black Forest, a tricky piece as it required the construction of said beast using real ingredients. It all looked rather promising at the start, my growler was going to be built around a small pork pie accompanied by pickled onions (which it digs up and eats) and other assorted ploughman's lunch type stuff.

The tricky bit was not the growler itself as this was quickly made by adding plasticine to the pork pie but the surrounding forest, a forest of celery. Not the greatest building material as it tends to wilt rather quickly, my celery wasn't that good in the first place and I found myself strengthening them with pipe cleaners and matchsticks.

 By the time I had got to the garnish a few hours later my forest had started to sag even more, adding in the cheese and cucumber helped liven things up but the celery had to be dunked in water to refresh it.

Working with speed I dished out the pickle, scattered onion skins around, added a few more lumps of cheese and took my photographs. The whole thing though had to be left for me to work with as I painted the first layers over the next two days, even though I refrigerated it overnight by the third day things were looking decidedly ropey and a thin pervading sweet sickly smell was filling the studio, the last day was spent painting and yacking like a dog in equal measures between brush strokes.

Needless to say it all went straight into the bin with the last brush stroke but what I was left with was the first view of a Knitter Growler, the mysterious beast that lives in a secret location just outside of Melton Mowbray.

Chop, Chop

This weekends appearances ended in the picturesque Keswick in Cumbria in what seemed like the perfect day for walking. Blue skies, a little chilly but sunny and crisp clean air was the order of the day as we perused the various shops and wares on offer to visitors.

One place I was particularly keen on visiting was Keswicks excellent toy shop. Tucked away around a corner and hidden behind a kayak and canoes display is probably one of the best toy shops I have ever been in with oodles of stuff to look at and masses upon masses of jigsaws, their stock alone must run into tens of thousands of items easily.

I could spend all day in there, it's tightly packed, a nightmare to navigate if you need to pass someone down the aisles but full of the most wondrous stuff both past and present. The model plane making section alone extends a good twenty feet long and possibly eight feet high packed with everything 'Airfixy' including those little pots of enamel paint you used to get. Turning the corner you find a section dedicated to the Sylvanian Families, which for those of you that have never seen them consist of a range of cute animal collectables like rabbits and sheep, all with their own 'house' or play area to collect.

The next corner it's board games, the next it's toy cars, then wall to wall dolls, the shop just goes on and on and on. Puzzles, Lego, wooden toys, rifles, crossbows, CO2 Power pistols, knives. Yes, you did read that right, for this thriving toy shop also sells on the first floor, larger boys toys too. A bit of an eclectic mix I know and it took me by surprise too but hey, it seems to work for them, just make sure you don't get the wrong floor and buy little five year old Johnny a brand new Rambo Killer Serated Edged Weapon with Extra Killer Barbed Spikes and Rubber Grip instead of that latest Buzz Lightyear plastic ray gun.

Still, it seems that edged weapons are very popular around the area. Leaving the toy shop I was spoilt for choice with this impressive array of axes. An axe for all seasons, a chopper for every eventuality. The residents of Keswick are probably the best prepared in the country to cope with a zombie apocalypse.

So, laden with the latest triple blade multi cutting Fe-Fi-Fo-Fum axe with oak handle and toothpick, Jayne chose a more modest Pocket Chopper for her handbag, we made our way merrily through Keswick looking for that perfect accompaniment. There must be a body armour and machine gun shop somewhere around here, if not that I'd love a full sized trebuchet from the How Medieval-R-Us chain, not quite sure how to get it in the car though, do they deliver?

LP

Found this excellent place recently, The Kitten Covers, classic record album covers recreated using the medium of cats. How cool! Lets start with ACAT/DCAT and Furway to Hell.

 The Kitty Hendrix Catsperience with cool retro kitties.

 The Squee Gees and Caturday Night Fever, Stayin' Alive kitten style with Jive Stalking.

Kitallica! Claw The Lightning, classic album including Trapped Under Blankets and For Whom The Catnip Tolls.

 Blondie and parallel lines, to show you how accurate these are take a look at this...

Ok, a little size difference but hey, they couldn't find six foot cats.

 Squeen II with Freddy and Brian Meow in this classic pose.

May favourite though is Kitten Floyd - Dark Side Of The Meow. Classic tracks include The Great Kit In The Sky and Any Catnip You Like.

This weekend we are back on the road with fun filled appearances at The Hawthorn Gallery on Saturday 14th and on Sunday 15th we are in Keswick, Cumbria at Treeby and Bolton, both events are between 12-3pm.