Hu-huh

 

L-vis here, wanna be like me baby? Uh-huh, stop being a hound dog and be cool daddy-o, thank you very much.

See, you too can be as popular as Barry, just take one LP, for those of you that are not familiar with LP's they are as big as EP's and not as small as singles.

Strike a pose, let your body move to the music and vogue. Instant celeb stylee, don't you look fabuloso dahlink!

Don't get too carried away though, look what happened to me when I used one of these, hu-huh, downer baby, downer.

Also make sure you use an appropriate celeb, not so coolio now are we daddy-o, like the shorts man they look rinky-dinky-do.

You can use props to enhance your cool, just drop the gender bender, nobody likes a cross cat I thank you.

My final piece of advice is use something real, cartoons are cool but to pick up chicks, not so, take a tip from the L-vis man, swing your hips, buy some big shades, get a few sideburns and say hu-huh at least fifty times a day. once you start buying outlandish day glow all in one adult romper suits and start wearing at least five gold rings yours there baby, you are so there your jailhouse will be rocking all night.

I thank you and goodnight.

L-vis has left the building.

 

The Piano Playing Arthritic Dinosaur Fawn

There has been some pretty weird stuff in the news recently. I'm not talking about all the doom and gloom that is dished out to us on a all too regular basis either as I'm sure that everyone has had enough of that, I'm on about stuff like this, real news, a squirrel playing a piano? Now you're talking!

Sammy it seems can bash out a few notes, admittedly not in the same order every time but he may make Britain's Got Talent yet. Imagine this, Sammy on the piano and a dancing dog, wow, what an act! I'd buy that for a dollar!

Some headlines do seem to defy logic though, this article was along the lines of if a tree falls in a wood and nobody sees it does it make a sound. Basically if you are caught short in public and nobody knows or indeed sees is it still unacceptable? I have no answer for that as I always make sure I wear my Supersoaker-triple thickness-elasticlegged-caughtshortagain-ohno underwear, works every time. Apart from the sloshing noise.

 No here's a surprise, fawns being chased have an escape plan. i.e. run like hell. Wonder how much this particular study cost? You will probably find the same discussion in any pub after heavy drinking. Escape cover or nearest refuge, pretty much what you decide at closing time.

 I had to reread this several times before I realised it had no bearing on the article. I was expecting half naked fruity text to spice up  this article on Olympic security, instead I was severely disappointed that there was no titbits of scant titillation, no naked inserts and definitely no rampant scintillating hot gossip to be had. What I did find out is that many who turned up for the day didn't expect rain and thus wore 'insufficient clothing'. Gutted.

Said Mr T-Rex Stalisaurus from the Jurassic Period. 'My arms are always killing me, it's bad enough I can't hug anything never mind the pain'. Our reporter Ne Anderthal revealed this dramatic revelation before being clubbed by his neighbour and thrown out of his two up two down cave after not paying his pebble tax.

A perigee moon, such as the one we had recently, is a wonderful thing and I thank this article for helping me to sleep at night as scientists confirm that a full moon does not cause werewolfs. I thank you Mr Scientists, now could you turn you attention to other pressing matters like sparkly vampires and Godzilla as I'm sure finding out the truth about these will also help me sleep at night.

Jab

I don't think the residents of Bunnyopolis, Aaran, Iona and Jura will be too pleased a little later today for their daily routine will be broken by a visit to the vets. Yes, it's inoculation time to make sure they are well protected from VHD and Myxomatosis over the next twelve months. We have a specially built crate to move them in, after all 80lbs of rabbit takes some shifting.

So later this morning expect some grumpiness as they are briefly taken away from the confines of the newly decorated Bunnyopolis complete with hanging baskets and made to travel in reasonable comfort in this.

Which will of course have blankets, food etc and everything else for them to ignore on the short journey whilst they plot their revenge, which rabbit style means I will ignore you and if you get in my way I will give you a little nip to show you who really is in charge.

Well, they are back after emitting a few Grumpit faces and they did rather well, they are still a bit moody but give them a couple of hours and they will be fine. I wonder when it would be best to tell them we do it all again in two weeks time?

We did get a chance to weight them as a group, it totalled 69lbs, less than our estimate but its still an impressive 23lbs each no wonder our arms ache lumbering them into the car.

Through The Round Window

Guess which one will it be today children. The arch window? Or will it be the square window? Maybe the round window?
Readers of a certain age will remember this from the popular children's program Play School, immediately you will be now thinking of Big & Little Ted, Humpty, Jemima and the rather peculiar and strangely spooky Hamble accompanied by many various presenters including Brian Cant, Floella Benjamin, Derek Griffiths, Toni Arthur and of course Johnny Ball. What prompted today's entry was reading how the BBC had junked many 2 inch Quadruplex videotape master copies of this program in the assumption that they were no longer of use and the few remaining episodes was sufficient to retain. I can't help feeling that by doing this we are chucking away more than just a roll of TV sentimentality, we have irretrievably chucked away a way of life that will never return.

Now one can say that I'm looking through rose tinted glasses at the past and really the programs were awful products made by adults to give kids what adults thought they wanted. In reality it was actually a burgeoning time for children's TV, production costs were limited and most programming although produced on a shoe string budget were fashioned with great skill, consideration and above all a passion. None more so than programs created by Peter Firmin and Oliver Postgate who even today are remembered for Bagpuss, The Clangers and Ivor The Engine and probably summed it up in an interview I read many years ago about what made making all these programs worth it. In his reply he talked about a letter he received from a girl, now an adult, who thanked him for Bagpuss with it's gentle nature and make believe world as it had been her only escape from child abuse for fifteen minutes each week.

The destruction of Play School marks a watershed of changing attitudes to the way children's television has evolved, gradually we have moved away from the gentle nurturing of childhood and promotion of certain values and into a more, should I say, aggressive style of nurturing. Gone is the 'Watch with Mother', a special time set aside on television for mother and child to share, gone also is real after school children's programming, even the stalwart Blue Peter has had a dramatic makeover to appeal to hip children. The TV schedule today has no special format to allow a more progressive children's programming and the multitude of 24 hour children's channels nullifies any special aspect of a program.

Not a criticism just an observation, time as they say moves on, society cannot live in the past but sometimes the greatest things are gone before we have a chance to save them. Wasn't it more beautiful when you believed in everything?

So for the sake of preservation here are a few of my special programs that helped me through my childhood. First the unlikely Mary, Mungo and Midge, a girl, a dog and a mouse all living in a perfect block of flats that requires a mouse touch to operate the complex lift button. It's quirky home location was one of the first programs to place a character in an urban setting to reflect it's viewing audience. It always started and finished the same giving a sense of familiarity with a small adventure taking place in between.

Bagpuss needs no introduction, repeated regularly since it's release in 1974 it remains firmly at the top of the greatest children's programs ever made. Bagpuss wakes to find a lost often broken object, throws in some tall tales and a few facts to help restore the object then places it back in the window for it to be found. He then sleeps. Simple. It was Bagpuss that first made me realise that imagination is unboundless, from simple objects great delight can be sought, it also fired my passion for creative writing and a love of stripes.

Making use of things you find. The Wombles lived on Wimbledon Common in secret from humans making use of all the discarded house hold items we disposed of. Orinoco, Tobermory, Great Uncle Bulgaria and Tomsk became household names in the mid 70's and even spawned a real band that went on to narrowly miss the number one slot for Christmas in 1974 with Wombling Merry Christmas peaking at number 2. At least we saw them on Top Of The Pops on Christmas Day.

Another set of characters that need no introduction, The Clangers burst onto our screen with a sense of surreal in 1969 and remained firmly lodged in my head. With a peculiar whistling sound they experienced adventures beyond imagination, musical trees, iron chickens and plastic creating machines that cannot be turned off are just a few examples, couple this with a Soup Dragon and assorted Froglets and you have a perfect springboard for perfection.

The Herbs on the other hand is remembered for something completely different, it was the first program I saw in colour as a child. I was awestruck. A new television was delivered and as it warmed up, yes, you really did have to wait for it to warm up, a yellow faced, green mane talking lion lit up the screen. The sophisticated writing style and narrative delivery often went over the heads of children watching but it's hypnotic quality worked on so many levels.

For pure surrealism though you can't beat Mr Benn. Imagine pitching this idea to a television company today. 'Well, basically it's about a civil servant who likes to dress up in weird clothes, he has an arrangement that allows him to indulge his fantasy with a fez wearing local fancy dress shop owner. He strips down to his smalls, dresses in his fantasy attire and opens a mysterious door into a world where he can act it out with like minded individuals'

On paper it shouldn't work on television though under the creative guidance of David McKee it became a gentle classic.

So far we have looked at animation but programs of this era went even to even simpler yet still charming with programs such as Fingerbobs. The inventiveness placed numerous objects in front of Fingermouse and his friends who throughout the ten minute program created a new use for them. Simple but effective all delivered by Yoffy, a live actor who didn't hide the fact that Fingermouse and his friends were indeed puppets. The magic came from the interaction and clever use of objects, Yoffy talked to all his 'finger' creations. The theme tune lyrics probably explain the whole thing.

"Yoffy lifts a finger, and a mouse is there / Puts his hands together, and a seagull takes the air / Yoffy lifts a finger, and a scampi darts about / Yoffy bends another, and a tortoise head peeps out / These hands were made for making, and making they must do."

Hidden away in the listings and often after Pebble Mill at one was The Flumps. Small balls of wool filmed in a stop motion way. Father Flump was an inventor, Grandfather Flump played a Flumpet and Pootle guided us through the Flumpet world. Cute, cuddly, innocent with a very real familiarity for the viewer.

The eBay of the 70's this 1976 launched program allowed children not only to swap unwanted toys and gifts but also communicate directly with the program they were watching. For a children's TV show this level of interactivity was truly ground breaking. Unfortunately it was also one of the first programs that started to hype up children with celebrities, cartoons and other road show appearances to bring the ultimate in interactivity to it's viewers. It has it's place and influenced me greatly with it's genuine skilful approach to Saturday morning television but this was to me more of a turning point and by the time Swap Shop aired it's last ever episode in 1982 the gentler approach was already on it's way out.

Still going strong though from it's 1972 launch on ITV was Rainbow, an innovative format that delivered songs, stories and strong ties between the characters. Over a 1000 episodes were produced in total, Zippy, Bungle and George were very British about everything and retained a naivety to anything and everything, Zippy was the hyperactive child whilst George was the quiet shy type and as most children could relate to one or the other it worked perfectly.

Chigley, Trumpton and Camberwick Green, gentle tales set in the fictional Trumptonshire delivered with the unmistakeable voice of Brian Cant. It's probably one of the only children programs that covered most jobs of it's day. Not only do we have a postman , firemen and builders but also characters that seem so out of place today, a miller, milkman and chimney sweep. Even the description for the resident artist, who incidentally has no name, is classed as an un-named transient is quite naive and probably apt all at the same time. Set in a real world they existed and worked as one unit, problems were solved together and even though there were policemen and firemen there was never anything other than mild peril. Trumptonshire was a place that children of the time imagined that they were growing in to.

When it's gone, it's gone. Losing these programs and memories would be such a mistake. The creators of these programs believed with an unbridled passion in what they were doing and in turn created something very special for most people, a childhood.

 

Skegvegas

Call it Skeg, Skeggy or Skegvegas, Skegness is Skegness the Blackpool of the east coast, witness to recent misfortune during 2007-08 when it lost three of it's seafront attractions to fires it was the original home of the first ever Butlins in 1936 and still is to this day one of Butlins most popular holiday camps.

But Skegness has always had difficulty shaking it's reputation of being the holiday destination of the working people of the industrial midlands who came in their droves before the package holiday and the promise of cheap sun as opposed to soggy sand filled egg sandwiches hiding behind a windbreak on a deserted beach. It was easy to see why it drew them away in the 80's and 90's to warmer and in some ways cheaper climes. Skegness was hit hard and I preferred to keep my happy memories of holidays there just that, memories, rather than have it spoiled by seeing the Skegness I remembered bought to it's knees through poor development, lack of holidaymakers and tat.

So pulling into the deserted north end car park on Friday I wondered what I would find. Well, after a short stroll todays Skegness began to unfold. Yes there is the arcades and shops selling dubious tourist tat but that is only to be expected, just under the fake glitz is a real seaside town. I would even go as far as to say an iconic seaside town and it looks like many agree. In 2005 it was voted the best retirement place in the UK, even the Lonely Planet guide lists it as 'everything you could want' in a seaside resort.

The main thing for me is the strong hold it still has on the past. It's iconic public funded Diamond Jubilee clock tower from 1899 is still there and still chiming, a warming sight to see, standing proud at the end of Lumley Road.

Natureland Seal Sanctuary opened it's doors in 1965, a popular Skegness destination that attracts 1000's of visitors each year with it's seal conservation program saving washed up baby seals and returning them to the sea. Inside you will find not only the seals but penguins, aquariums and the unusual butterfly garden, a walk through experience allowing a multitude of dramatically coloured butterflies to fly around you unhindered. I had visited it many a time during my childhood but today for some reason it all seemed so magical again. The seals waved 'hello' the goats were gruff, snatching your paper bag of food with abandon and the tropical house seemed so inviting. I was charmed again instantly.

Just behind the main seafront road is this, a perfectly manicured park with a multitude of again perfect bowling greens. Even as I passed civic pride was in evidence with the assorted chalets in this picture receiving a nice new lick of paint ready for the new season. Not a sign of any litter too, very impressive and certainly not what I would have expected. I sat for a while to take it all in and read a review of Skegness from ten years ago, "Tasteless, tacky and tawdry!" it exclaimed, well I would like to amend that from my vantage position to "Tasteful, genteel and trim" and yes, I never thought I would say those words about Skegness either.

The beach retains its blue flag status for 2011/12 and with new sea defences it looks like it will stay that way too. I was impressed, again no litter and in places freshly raked too. Whilst the view is not exactly stunning with the wind farms dotted on the horizon I can still agree with the sentiment "Skegness is so bracing", the wind from the north sea is just that and adds a fine freshness to a stroll along it. Perfect for blowing away all those cobwebs.

One unusual attraction and unfortunately not working when I visited was the small ferry boat ride. It's just a little winding canal that transports you a few minutes up the seafront and back again in little boats. The thrill of this was immense in the 70's, imagine taking a real boat to travel 1/10 of a mile, how decadent! As you can imagine, thrills in the 70's came cheaply. Pity, I would have loved it even more today.

I remember with more than a little bit of venom hating the poor crazy golf that Skegness offered, it used to be so poor and one of the low lights of any holiday. Hitting a small ball through such 'craziness' as a windmill and angled corners over a damp and strangely smelling green plastic coating acting as grass. My hatred hit a peak when after a particularly gruelling session in the rain I hit the final ball with relief on the last hole only to hit the special bell, a bell that signified I had won a prize, another free round. Never have I hit a ball so hard and fast in such a public arena, it's a wonder I didn't take some other small child out.

Anyway, look at it now! It's gone and gone all piratey full of swashbuckling bridges for mock fights with the clubs, semi real grass and imaginatively created holes. I was sold, five minutes later I was back swinging my club so to speak. I would throughly recommend it, doubly so if drunk.

My trip to Skegness wouldn't be complete without a visit here. Looks like a picture from a different place doesn't it? It's actually on the edge of Skegness in a southerly direction, it's called Gibraltar Point but feels a lot like Norfolk. indeed, get to the point and look roughly south and across the wash you will indeed see Norfolk fourteen miles away. You also pass some impressive houses on the way here too further signifying that Skegness is anything but tacky. So a delightful day in a very surprisingly litter free seaside town, admittedly I couldn't spend a week here but then again I don't have children so entertainment for a couple in their mid forties is a little limiting unless of course you have a crushing desire to pick up a dabber and bingo yourself to death.

That probably sounded wrong didn't it but make of it what you will.

No trip to the seaside would be complete without a bit of sea fare though. This repast advertised cockles, whelks, prawns and lobster tails, or in Skegness speak cockles from a jar, a crab stick that had only just whafted past anything fishy and a mock lobster tail made out of moulded crab stick, even the whelks tasted like rubber.

Oh, Skegness you little rascal you just can't stop it can you?

 

Weight

 Following on from the last post and the Knitted Growler here's the final stages of another Impossimal piece, 'One at a Time Please'. I think I have said before about this one, I pretty much made a bathroom scene out of anything I could find, that includes a plasticine sink and taps, bath tub, paper blinds and a dyed tissue to double as a miniature towel. I even made a cardboard skirting board and cladding to add a splash of colour in the background. Most importantly though was the tiled floor and their reflections, it's this that would allow a sense of depth. It's made very simply out of a printed grid covered in acetate.

The final photograph mad it look rather charming apart from the fact that my modelling skills had let me down on the roundness of the body a little. The bath being in shadow and the reflections looked great though so I set too and started it.

It's about this stage you realise that getting all that detail in no matter how small is going to take a while. The background was roughly painted in first to get a sense of proportion.

It was the glazing though that really helped this piece and give it it's depth. With careful experimentation I applied layer after layer of glazes starting with a pink on the left and moving through purple and eventually to blue on the right to get the drop off of light. The intensity of the black tiles increased the closer they got to the  front and the reflections were added using a dry brush technique further adding depth. Not too bad, the whole piece took around two weeks with drying time.

Pie

Yesterday I spent the best part of the day sculpting all manner of Impossimals and shapes, carefully assembling each one and decorating it appropriately before placing in position ready to photograph. Some of the models though required a bit more of a different approach.

Take the Knitted Growler for example. I wanted a pork pie pig but found the use of plasticine to create a realistic body too much of a constraint so went out and bought an appropriate sized pie instead. Unwrapping the prop I knew that the smell would get a little annoying but at this stage all was well. The pork pie was fresh and the plasticine was attached using matchsticks, surrounding my growler was an assortment of onions, a little cheese and pickle with a dab of mustard on the side all adding to the aroma. The last addition was sticks of celery behind to act as a forest setting and to match the story. The downside though was I needed this to survive three days at least, refrigerating overnight to maintain it's crispness.

In reality it only lasted two days before the overpowering smell of the combined ingredients filled the studio. The celery forest had only lasted a day which was disappointing but at least I had some photos to work from. It all made rather a mess to the plasticine, I threw away the worst and reclaimed what I could of the rest.

But as you can see I did manage to get some good shots in before it all wilted including a little top shine off the pie and pickle.

Party Food

Baron Alexander von Humboldt (1769-1859) was a Prussian naturalist and explorer who explored much of Central and South America. Humboldt and his friend, the French botanist Aime Bonpland, explored the coast of Venezuela, the Amazon and Orinoco Rivers, and much of Peru, Ecuador, Colombia and Mexico (1799-1805).

Charles had been an avid follower of these explorers as England entered the Victorian era, exploits that took Charles through his youth until in 1838 he found himself on board a vessel bound for Peru following his hero Humboldt exactly forty years to the day.

Peru was beyond imagining and a fresh eighteen year old with adventure in his blood had his first real taste of the unknown the very first night the expedition decided to set up camp in a pineapple grove.

As he lay down to sleep he felt a sharp stabbing pain down his back, like a thousand needles, which made him jump up startled. It was dark so he fetched his oil lamp and pulled away the bed clothes. Through the gloom he could see hundreds of tiny spikes, so small they could only just be discerned in the fading light. Quickly reaching for his magnifying glass he gazed closer.

The spikes were actually small sharpened sticks, and on each one, carefully skewered, were what appeared to be a selection of foraged food. Clearing away a bigger area revealed that the sticks eventually diminished into empty piles of sticks with curvy trails leading away in all directions. A faint noise sounding like a toot-toot came from his bedroll and out popped a Peruvian Party Python, brightly coloured and resembling a slinky line of sausages it stithered, or stagger-slithered away into the night before Charles could catch it guided by it’s glittery rotating tail.

Charles first true experience of the unknown which we now know was the start of something great.

The painting itself has a more mysterious history, it disappeared into the private collection of a Charles Forster in 1858 and remained hidden from public gaze until 1869 when it appeared in the offices of a newly formed toothpick manufacturing factory. Owner of the toothpick manufacturing machine and patent was Charles Forster prompting speculations that the Peruvian Party Python had a significant influence in events. It’s one of only several paintings that remain in private hands and occasionally it is loaned out for exhibits and in some cases to be used as stylised period props in dramas.

In September 14th 1945 the painting resurfaced as part of London’s Thanksgiving week, celebrations after the war were frugal and simple fare such as food skewered on a simple toothpick become increasingly popular. It reached a peak with record toothpick sales in the mid 70’s, again the painting mysteriously appeared in the background of the television adaptation of ‘Abigail’s Party’ along, unsurprisingly, with simple fare skewed on ‘cocktail’ sticks as they had now become known.

The painting passed back into the museums hands only recently after being found at the back of a prop cupboard at the BBC.

Disco Inferno

This was Abigail's Disco Tailed Peruvian Party Python right at the very start of it's life, primarily lumps of plasticine held together by pipe cleaners to recreate a childhood toy. You may remember them, they were plastic snakes that you held by the tail so the slightest movement of your hand made them wriggle a little. Amusing for a short time I admit but I also remember that mine was bright red with crazy markings on them and that was what I wanted my ADTPPP for short to be.

Once everything was modelled including the cheese, onions and sausages it was take out side and placed in a suitable spot in the garden to be photographed. The sun was at just the right height and as it was a cloudless day perfect for the photo shoot. I must have taken around fifty photos from different angles until I was happy with it all.

Back inside I could sketch up the photo and begin work. First job was to paint in all the grass using a long haired pointy brush and using my paint thinned down with Liquin light. It took ages but finally I could start the python. Using a bright red base with a pale and wrinkly underside I used photos of Peruvian designs to add a further splash of colour into the piece.

Paying special attention of course to things like sausages. I even had some items of party food in the studio so I could get the colour and detail just right, the smell after a few hours though was not too good, cheese it seems does not like to sit under a hot spotlight for long periods and tends to break out in a sweat. Ugh!

Still, it all looked fine in the finished piece, all the party food in place and the shiny disco balled tail cast just the right amount of sparkle out to allow this Peruvian Party Python find it's little way home again. All that was left was to write the story and I'll include that in tomorrows entry.

No Brolly Required

It's probably got to be the worst weather I have driven in for sometime during our journey to Trident Galleries this weekend. The rain had been hammering down all night, standing water on the motorways made the going treacherous and 60mph gusts of wind added to the misery. Over the course of three miles we witnessed five accidents, all serious from the overturned cars and wreckage we saw and went through three lane closures due to debris.

Away from the motorways things were no better, large pools of standing water and limited visibility made the going slow even at 30mph. Looking at the highways agency reports it had been a busy morning everywhere in the UK with orange and red alerts peppering the screen. Not nice. Still, we arrived safely but the rain pretty much carried on all day as I'd imagine it did everywhere. Fortunately both of the weekend appearances went extremely well despite the weathers best efforts, let's just hope it all gets a little brighter for the upcoming bank holiday weekend.

Today though is a different matter, for a start there is a strange bright object in the sky. I think it's called the sun if I remember. Aaran, Jura and Iona knew exactly what it was and after nearly a week indoors hiding from all the nasty weather as soon as the door opened this morning out they binkied, the bunny equivalent of extreme happiness.

...and then launched straight into chewing mode and decided to take it out on Bunnyopolis with a three way chewing session. Aaran is on the left, plump Iona in the middle and Jura on the right being a little camera shy.

I know it's nice outside but today is another day of model making before getting back to painting tomorrow, my list of items required is plasticine, tin foil, pipe cleaners, cotton wool and a large oven tin and cup, I'll just have to see if I can sneak them out of then kitchen, especially after filling the last oven tin with a mixture of water and ink a few weeks ago. Admittedly it did stain a tad and had a tendency to come off on everything as Jayne pointed out eating her perfectly cooked yellow and purple salmon fillet. Ooops!