It's An Impostrophy!

Have you ever wondered just who is Aunt Bessie or Uncle Ben? Are they real people or are they impostors? Find out with Impostrophy, the new sleuth column that unearths the secret of household names.

Aunt Bessie - Real or Impostor?

REAL - Aunt Bessie is a grandma and mother of five children and lives in a small flat in Cricklewood on a meagre pension. Every week she pre-bakes 20 million Yorkshire puddings in her small two shelf oven and freezes them overnight before dispatching them to the supermarkets. Recently she has moved into mashed potato to help pay for her heating bills.

Uncle Ben - Real or Impostor?

IMPOSTOR - Uncle Ben is not an uncle and he is not called Ben, he is based upon Quentin Spindlethorpe, a cross dressing champion weight lifter from Ohio who's fame was built on the fact that he ate nothing but rice and marshmallows all his life. Quoted as saying 'I have a dream' this one little line started off the entire Rice movement in America and abolished the segregation of rice and pulses on buses.

Tony The Tiger - Real or Impostor?

REAL - Tony lives in the jungle and learnt how to make Frosted Flakes from the Eskimos that live there with him. It's a closely guarded secret that is only know to a handful of people. In 1976 an employee stole the secret frosting recepie, Tony eventually ate him after a brief argument. The song 'Eye of the Tiger' was written to celebrate Tony's fortieth birthday and went on to become the most annoyingly pointless song ever even though now you have read it you are probably humming it to yourself. Where as the urge to sing 'The Lion Sleeps Tonight' is only ever a whim away.

Ronald McDonald - Real or Impostor?

REAL - Ronald McTavish Donaldson started his famous burger chain dressed as a clown selling toilets from a small shop in Glasgow. He got the idea for a burger from a peculiar shaped deposit left in one of his display models after mistakenly asking Sean Connery to sit over there. He created his meat patties by shaping them using a sink plunger and originally called them Plungepatties until it was pointed out to him that it sounded like an illness. The first McTavish restraurant was opened in 1764 and contained burgers that had as much as 29% horse meat, something considered unthinkable in today's strictly regulated burger industry. McTavish later sold the restaurant to a conglomerate that dropped the Tavish but kept the creepy clown.

Blue Dragon - Real or Impostor?

REAL - The Blue Dragon lives by the sea next to his best friend Puff The Magic Dragon, between them they dreamt up their now famous Chinese sauce based business after a heavy night of puffing on Puffs latest shipment of Colombian gold.

Green Giant - Real or Impostor?

FALSE - The jolly green giant is in fact a normal sized person called Cecil Bosenskill, a successful businessman that discovered that if people are told by a twenty six foot green man with a booming voice that they should buy sweet corn in tins they will. In 1982 a rival product of tinned carrots was launched complete with a rival giant, the 'orrible Orange Giant. To decided which product was best a cage match was held between the two giants in 1984 and became one of the biggest TV events in history when the jolly green giant beat 'orrible Orange Giant into submission with a sack of potatoes.

Should you want any name myths busting then let me know at whothehell@isthatoverthere.con and I'll feature them in the next issue!

 

www.petersmithcollective.co.uk Home Of Foreverbunny and the Impossimals

Coloured Water & Plastic

I like to think I'm not too bad with technology after all I design and maintain the website, implemented an online store for Jayne's Foreverbunny, run Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and Pinterest accounts and know my way around CSS, HTML and SQL, but sit me in front of inkjet printers and it doesn't matter what I know it will always frustrate and irritate in equal measures. Inkjet printers you see have spawned from the devils own backside and today was going to be rather annoying.

We bought our printer a few years ago after reading a serious amount of guff about which is the best and which one will change your life by being able to print out photos from your fridge. It seemed ok at first but then we started to get a surplus of yellow cartridges as we found it had a drinking problem, it couldn't get enough of blue, red or black and knocked it back like a lush. All inkjets are prone to this but I think what gets me is the price of genuine replacements which border on stupid, no, let me rephrase that, obscene. £38 for four colours, each containing 8ml is not good value for money no matter how many times we are told of the 'investment' and technology that goes into these products. Prices like this made the ink worth £1.18 per ml, £674 a pint or £1,180 per litre. Compare that to petrol and I think we can safely say the words rip and off together.

That aside our inkjet two days ago started to display signs of irritation again and began to A) Stop printing black randomly, B) Fail to switch to draft mode and remember it and finally C) Pause halfway through a print before deciding to hurl it back out leaving a scrawl that looked a bit like H...e....lp....m...e. My inkjet was not happy shaped and I knew what was coming, printer shopping. This was further confirmed when it decided to rip up the foam pad the print heads rest on and liberally scrape it across the inside in a blatant attempt to disembowel itself whilst printing out important documents needed today.

So, on to today and why my blog entry is being typed at 3:10pm instead of 8am...

After deciding that the printer was beyond repair and after wasting three hours of my life changing cartridges, letting the head cleaning system drain four more cartridges and becoming increasingly frustrated with the chip protection system, you know the one, the printer runs out of CYAN and has a full black cartridge but the stupid chip won't let you print just black so your printer just sits there flashing a red light to amuse itself, we decided to buy a new one.

Jesus, I didn't realise that we needed to set aside a week to go through all the models available, some do this, some do that, none mention that they actually print, they would rather tell you about an integrated screen or automatic connection to Flickr. Surely the clue is in the name, I buy a printer to, and I may be wrong here, to print. So I sat down in front of the computer and started to try and work out a cost to running cost ratio that would give me the best deal, unsurprisingly nothing was a good deal, it all involved either a cheap printer with the option to take a mortgage out for the ink or the printer was expensive and it took moderately expensive cartridges that were slightly larger. The worst I found was a model that cost £39 to buy but the colour cartridge alone cost £54, easier just to buy a printer each time it runs out.

My local supermarket had decided that today, seeing as I was visiting that they would have a massive display of printers but sneakily place cheaper ink cartridges above. The sneaky bit was that the cartridges were not for the printer that was underneath them but they were from the same manufacturer. So I had to play the game and spend an hour checking each item carefully whilst screaming kids were wheeled by in vain attempts to curb their ministrations failed and they tried to confuse me into buying a lemon. Everytime I thought I was on to a winner something would crop up, maybe the black was a lot more expensive as a refil or there was a big giveaway like only one colour being more expensive than the rest and you can bet that its the colour you are always going to need as its the printers favourite tipple.

After three years I managed to make a choice only to find out that they didnt have any in stock, well, what they actually said was 'Ain't got none in mate' but I think that was the gist of it. I couldn't have been more surprised if I woke up with my head sewn to the carpet. Suddenly remembering the catalogue ordering store next door sold them I dismissed the varlet and went to Argos.

Except Argos was having a bad day and decided to add further misery to mine. None of the handy terminals were working, every one had a sign on it saying simply 'Out Of Order'. Checking if items were in stock was now reduced to looking at it in the catalogue, writing the number on a bit of paper and standing in line for a member of staff to say yes or no like a crap raffle. This was to be repeated time and time again until you found what you were looking for. I found what I was looking for straight away, it was called a door and out I went.

Back to the supermarket, 'Look, let's make this easy, tell me what you have and I'll decide from that' I said helpfully.

'Can't do that'

'Why?'

'I need a supervisor.'

'Why are you prone to nicking things?' Was what I wanted to say but my mouth said 'Oh, can you get one?'

'No, I need a supervisor to leave my post'

'Wha! You need a supervisor to be able to find a supervisor?'

'Yes'

'Words fail me'

So back to deciding what to purchase, eventually I decided to dump inkjets all together, I'm tired of paying through the nose for coloured water and plastic so after a bit of deliberation I bought myself a colour laser printer instead. It prints a thousand pages before the toner runs out, it's quiet, it's wireless, works with my phone and its not inkjet, win,win!

Lets just see how much those toner cartridges are now I'm free from the hidden costs.

OMFG!

 

www.petersmithcollective.co.uk Home Of Foreverbunny and the Impossimals

Desk Dogs

Detective Sergent Collywobble here and today I want to tell you about some of the improvements to the police force in your area and assure you that government cuts will not effect you in any way.

Your area has received a massive investment in technology after the government allocated £26.56 in old money allowing us to purchase the latest equipment. Pictured above is PC Dumblenerd operating our new Commodore 64 rapid response unit. Be assured all our crime statistics are recorded on cassette tape for later use.

Unfortunately due to the cuts we will now be implementing speed traps for the under tens. This youngster got a £200 fine, six months in the slammer and had to go to a tricycle awareness course after exceeding 2mph on his bike. Here the officer is patiently putting up with his abuse as he issues a ticket before arresting him.

Police dogs will take on even more vital roles in the force other than biting bad men. From today they will also be responsible for all paperwork and occasionally operate our 999 service. Our new Canine Paperwork Division will also attend football events on horseback to offer security for police on the front line.

If I catch any police dogs posting silly pictures on Facebook or Twitter like Andrew above arseing about on a slide they will face disciplinary action. Now that we have moved the dogs to desks we need a new Police Dog unit, something more willing to tackle real villians and with the ability to scare criminals into submission.

So with that in mind we now have Police Rabbits, highly trained bunnies with extraordinary abilities capable of kicking a fleeing suspect to the ground. Here, Oscar tackles a criminal with a crate and a stick by leaping six foot into the air and karate kicking him senseless.

Police Bunnies will become a familiar sight in your locality as they perform routine patrols, please do not distract them from their duties with promises of carrots, interfering with an officer on duty is a criminal offence.

That concludes our neighbourhood update and I hope I have reassured you all that as police we are a force to be reckoned with.

DS Collywobble.

 

www.petersmithcollective.co.uk Home Of Foreverbunny and the Impossimals

FREE GIFT! Excuse'o'matic - Cut Out And Keep

It's Monday morning, it's snowed, maybe a bit maybe a lot, you need to phone work and come up with a reasonable excuse to stay at home and put your feet up but you are stuck. Everybody will be phoning in, how do you make your excuse stand out from the crowd?

You use our handy cut out and keep Excuse'o'matic! Cut out the circles, make a pointer or something and spin it for instant excuse results.

INSTRUCTIONS

Phone your boss and start the conversation by using one of the phrases below...

So, you should have said 'OMG! Snow!' Follow it with 'And...'. Another quick spin will give you another result.

'And the dogs exploded!'. Wait for your boss to absorb your unique excuse then break the news that you may be able to come in...

...Next week, or any of the other genuine excuses. Finally quickly exclaim that you have to rush off now because... (Spin again!)

'You need a poo'. If you have followed the instructions you should now have the following sentence with which to impress your boss.

'OMG! Snow! and my dogs exploded. I may be in next week. Must go now I need a poo.'

Impressive stuff, it will save you from embarrassment when other colleagues phone in with pathetic excuses of late trains and snow clearing.

Excuse'o'matic is just one of the fabulous items available from We Say You Say We All Say Ltd, why not try our Tourette Roulette, imagine your excitement when your ball lands on FLAPS rather than a red number ten. For families we have Insult Wheel, a spin later and you will all be swearing like a trooper. Just some of our incredible products.

Enjoy your day safe in the knowledge that your excuse is unique!

 

www.petersmithcollective.co.uk Home Of Foreverbunny and the Impossimals

Snowpossimal Says Thankyou

Snowpossimal says thank you after an overwhelming deluge of likes, comments and posts on Facebook and Twitter. So in the spirit of the Snowpossimal here's a gallery of some of your work yesterday...

We will start off with a recreation of the Impossimal sculpture, Bunnyhead from way back in 2006 using a real bunny!

This fantastic recreation took over two and a half hours to sculpt, I particularly like the attention to detail with dust caps for eyes and very accurate ears.

We even had a nice little snow mouse when snow was a little thin on the ground to come by.

A full bodied Snowpossimal is quite impressive though, I love the heart too, a fantastic attempt rivalling my original Snowpossimal.

So if like me yesterday you are a little bored with all this snow come along and join in the fun and if you have a snowman or indeed a Snowpossimal to show off, pictures are still being posted on my Facebook page, who knows what Snowpossimals we will get today!

https://www.facebook.com/Impossimal

 

www.petersmithcollective.co.uk Home Of Foreverbunny and the Impossimals

Snowpossimal

Having no children in which to share the snow with my inner child decided to pick up the challenge this morning from a collector who suggested that I put down my brushes and instead build a snowman, or in my case a Snowpossimal.

So returning back to my childhood I donned my big coat and put on my wooly gloves, slipped my stocking feet into my wellies and off I went. Unfortunately it left Jayne snow clearing but I'm sure she understood, Snowpossimals are serious business. With eight inches of snow to play with I had plenty of material but as soon as the rolling snow ball reached waist height I knew that was it. The sheer weight stopped me rolling any further and it came to rest beside the Bunnyopolis fence much to the dismay of Aaran, Jura and Iona.

So any neighbours looking out of their window at 8:30am this morning would have seen a slightly disturbed middle aged man giggling in the garden and occasionally stopping to stand and talk to himself Winnie The Pooh style rolling snow. It looked even worse when I rolled the head and added the ears, even to me it looked a little obscene.

Still, half an hour later and using a trowel and a small dibber I had somehow managed to carve myself a Snowpossimal and heart. Two small stones for the eyes completed the look and it now stands proudly looking into Bunnyopolis.

So, can you beat it? Send me your pictures on either twitter (#Impossimal), Facebook (Impossimal) or Instagram (Impossimal) and let the world see them!

 

www.petersmithcollective.co.uk Home Of Foreverbunny and the Impossimals

Twenty Things You Never Knew About Pies

1. Pies are more popular than horses. Last year a staggering 9,726,263,163 pies were consumed, that's an amazing 173.68 pies per person whilst horses accounted for only 3,000,000 burgers.

2. The largest man made pie was the Piepockalypse, a whopping 45,000lb chicken pie created by master bakers R.U.Fatt Ltd in 1983. It remained in the British Museum's pie exhibition until last year when it was part of the Jubilee celebrations when it became the first ever Pieboat in the Jubilee flotilla. It sank shortly after launch when it was discovered that its lard and flour casing had sprung a leak, pieces of pastry still litter the banks of the Thames till this very day.

3. The expression 'Easy As Pie' does not mean pie's are easy it actually means something is easy to do, just like pies.

4. 'A Piece of Cake' means the same although its about cakes not pies and never mentions that cakes are easy too.

5. Never ask a mathematician to slice a pie, you will be there all day. The first slice will be fine but the rest will be cut to 23,363 decimal places and take several days to complete all the cuts.

6. That is because a mathematician will think a pie is actually Pi which is a character from Midsummers Night Dream or something, I don't know, I only know about pies don't ask me to be academic.

7. If a gangsta wants to 'Pop Your Pie' you had better run, especially if you are in the jail shower at the time.

8. Pies containing fruit are called fruit pies and are not very good served with chips.

9. Use gravy instead, it helps bring out the flavour of the fruit.

10. A fisherman's pie contains real fishermen trawled from the seabed using large nets whilst a supermarket fish pie contains 2lbs of potato, a small chopped carrot and a prawn.

11. The first pie shop was opened in 1066 after the battle of Hastings. A war over who got the rights to the name 'Ye Olde Pie Shop' was resolved when it got out of hand and somebodies eye got poked out. A pie can still be seen in the Bayeux Tapestry, panel seven, top left, just under the iPod.

12. A pizza is a pie just don't expect steak and kidney to be on your local Pizza House menu, that's because in Italian 'pie' means 'windy bottom' so they changed it to pizza instead but kept the round shape and removed the lid.

13. A custard pie is a pie containing custard whilst a fruit pie contains fruit with a possibility of custard and a meat pie contains meat but no custard, handy to know if you don't like custard.

14. If you want a nice pie M&S will probably do one, pop down and check them out.

15. Or try your local supermarket or small shop.

16. Don't try the hairdressers, unless you want to be embarrassed by asking for a pie that is hairy.

17. 'Shut Your Pie Hole' means just that, any hole you have created for storing pies needs to be filled in as its no longer required.

18. When Tutankhamen's tomb was opened in 1998 they found amongst all the treasure an ancient pie made from giraffe and slaves. Etched in the intricate pastry work was the hieroglyphic inscription 'On swift wings death will arrive after a bite or a munch on this'. Sir Albert Tacklock dismissed the inscription and ate a bit of burnt crust, he died immediately after a long illness several years later on his 106th birthday.

19. By 2015 Greggs is expecting to open its first ever pie shop in space - on the moon! The international space station already has a concession shop on board with pies for sale at a whopping £234,253 each!

20. A lot of pies are named after their place of origin, Cottage Pie comes from Cottage, a small house shaped like a pie, Pork Pie comes from Pork, a small village in Yorkshire whilst Pasty describes somebody who is looking off colour.

21. Using pies to count up to twenty doesn't work very well.

22. Arithbitematics - If you want to count using a pie simply take a bite for each number, if you ever get stuck simply count the number of bites you have taken to know where you are.

23. Multiple pies can be used for advanced Arithbitematics.

24. A Pork Pie can be used in formal situations as a smart hat. Simply remove the lid and eat the contents. Turn it upside down an place it at a jaunty angle to look pie-tastic at weddings, funerals etc. Use miniature pork pies for added amusement factor.

25. 95% of people reading this will have at some point eaten a pie, or horse depending on which shop you went to.

 

www.petersmithcollective.co.uk Home Of Foreverbunny and the Impossimals

A Chance

Yesterday I was proud to be part of the judging team for the UK Childrens Fine Art Competition. For those that have never heard of this prestigious competition it allows individuals, scout groups, schools, art clubs, in fact anybody to take part and compete against the rest of the world in the Childrens International Fine Art Competition through this UK entry. Unbelievable? I know, I didn't know about it until two years ago and I was immediately amazed by its sheer worldwide scale. Nearly 30,000 pieces of art are entered from over 70 countries and with each passing year it gets bigger and bigger.

A theme is set by the United Nations Education, Scientific and Cultural Organisation (UNESCO) for the competition and announced at the beginning of June, participants then have until Christmas to finalise their entries for the UK leg which is judged in January. It's really that simple, read the brief and draw, paint or create a piece of art. All pieces are judged in the UK with prizes awarded accordingly complete with prize giving ceremony but then all the art, irrespective of the winners, are despatched to Lidice in the Czech Republic for worldwide judging. Its like the Eurovision for art, imagine your child winning for the UK, an amazing opportunity.

 Anyway, yesterdays six hour judging involved eight artists, a very tall building that led to the Skyroom and a fantastic view over the snowy country.

 As with all these events it was going to be tough, the artwork is laid out according to counties and we begin by picking our six favourites, these are then pooled and whittled down to the right amount of awards according to category. There was some fantastic work on show as this years theme was your countries traditions, translated by the children of the United Kingdom into morris dancing, folk tales, family tradition and even plenty of seaside scenes with real sand and shells, the imagination was boundless.

 The UK leg does judge International entries too, this is a selection from the Hong Kong schools and you can really see the cultural differences as we were treated this time not to morris men but dragon boats and traditional dress.

 To give you an idea of some of the standards achieved over the years the picture above shows a fourteen year old on the left and a sixteen year old on the right, incredible stuff from last years entries.

 But I particularly like this one, aged only five its innocent naivety was for me and instant hit. Don't think your child has to be a budding Picasso either, the competition is about 'from the heart', something you can read about on the official UK Childrens Fine Art Competition website here :- http://www.ukchildrensartcompetition.org/

 So all the artwork will now be packaged up and sent abroad, all participants receive a fantastic certificate, winners receive prizes and as part of the International competition you get a chance at this...

The Children's Fine Art equivalent of winning an Olympic gold medal, fancy a go?

UK Children's Fine Art Competition 2013

Just a quick blog before I set out to meet the rest of the judges for the judging day of the UK Children's Fine Art Competition. There has been oodles of entries so it looks like its going to keep myself and Jayne, Kerry Darlington, Frederick Phillips, Harry Davies, Sid Kirkham, Tiffany Budd and a few other respected artists busy for most of the day.

I'll have plenty of pictures for tomorrow's blog on what promises to be an exciting day!

 

www.petersmithcollective.co.uk Home Of Foreverbunny and the Impossimals

Show Us Your Old Bits

Welcome to the latest antique bandwagon program to hit your screens presented by the slightly peculiar and sinister David Dickybob. In this series we invite you to bring your old objects to our event tents around the country for accurate valuations, maybe that dusty item sat in the corner of the room is worth pounds or maybe it's just grandma, either way bring them to our roadshow and we will tell you, maybe this time next year you will be a millionaire.

First up to meet David Duckybob is the lucky owner of this fabulous piece of china.

'Hi David, This has been in my family since Wednesday when I found it tucked away in Poundland.'

'Wow, I don't think I have ever seen a more stunning piece, let me tell you a bit about it before I even pick it up to confirm my expertise and give you a smug grin. It dates from around the 11th century judging by the naive design work and comes from China hence the name china I used earlier. Notice how the light passes through little dimples in the bottom making them brighter. This particular shape is called 'a bowl' and comes from the word 'bowl' the 'a' was added later. I know you don't know what it is for otherwise you wouldn't have bought it to me, I'm an expert you know.

It's actually used for holding food, sometimes soup or maybe noodles and chicken chow mein. Prawn balls could be placed in here to stop them rolling off the table. People in the 11th century used to eat food and this is the very bowl that started the trend in crockery we see today. Let me turn it over and see if it has any markings'

'There, see it? It takes a trained eye but I can read it quite clearly, it says "MADE IN CHINA". There, that confirms everything I have told you accept the price. Unfortunately it has a little dust on it that is going to affect my offer, normally this bowl would fetch around the £20,000 mark but the dust really does detract from what a dealer would offer.'

'Ill give you a quid.'

'Done'

'You have been, next!'

'Hi David, I found this unusual thing in my attic, what is it and can I put it on eBay?'

'Its no wonder you didn't recognise it, it's actually a bag that holds real money. It dates from years ago when you trusted banks with your money and in return they didn't trust you so chained their pens to their desks.

' See, inside is real money, you don't see that very often, you have 16d or 16 groats in old money. These are often called a penny and ladies were often called Penny in the hope they attracted pennies in large quantities. In 1845 the first Pennyland was opened where everything was a penny, you could buy a horse or a tallow candle, it didn't matter, they were all a penny. If you ever found a rare black penny these could be sellotaped to letters and posted, it's why people look for Penny Blacks today to post letters as postage is cheaper if you use a rare penny black rather than a first class stamp.'

'Look at the bottom of the bag, we have some Eartha Kitts. Many years ago people made twelve sided coins to stop young couples rolling coins across table tops to each other as it caused too much excitement. Their peculiar shape also makes them easy to find down the back of sofas. "I'm going for a thrupny bit" was a popular announcement when a gentleman decided to retire to the water closet for a giraffe.

Unfortunately all money is now worthless and wealth only exists in computers until banks decide to lose it, maybe if they made virtual money twelve sided they would find it more easily, after all it has got to have gone somewhere.'

'I'll give you a quid'

'In old money?'

'Yes'

'Ok'

'Due to inflation your quid has depreciated, here's your new deal, 1p'

'You really are a thrupny bit aren't you Dickybob'

'I certainly am, next!'

'Hi David, I found these on a shelf, are they worth any money?'

'Say it like it is, I like that. These are very special, they are in fact pins to hold things together but they have the word Adamantine across them which denotes their previous owner.'

'Who was it David?'

'It was Wolverine, only Wolverine has adamantine pins to repair his indestructible skeleton. Now that you have been on this program he knows where you are and he's going to find you and rip you a new one.'

'Gulp!'

'I'll give you a quid.'

'Just take them, please, I don't want a new asshole!'

'Next!'

'I'm puzzled David, what do the words BRITISH MADE mean?

'Many years ago and you might find this difficult to believe, we actually used to manufacture things ourselves. I know, I know, it's unbelievable, it's like a fairy story or having a pension. But we did, we used to make everything, from tins to pins, from socks to sweets, did you know that even HP Sauce used to be made in the UK?

Anyway in today's world we buy everything from another country including gas, electricity and air so everything is second hand before we have even received it. Even our weather is imported from other countries although they keep getting the order mixed up between sun and snow.

So what you have is a proud British manufacturing firm making small self adhesive dressings, I'll give you a quid.'

'No, it's worth more than that, you told me we don't make anything ourselves any more.'

'Ah, but you are forgetting one thing, because its British made people now think that it's inferior and will not pay any money for it. 50p is my final offer.'

'Ok, cheapskate.'

'Next!'

'Somebody told me that this dates from the 1990's and may be worth a few pounds, any ideas David?'

'For a start I'm the expert, you come in here with your know it all attitude, amateur!'

'Ok, I'm sorry Mr Dickybob'

'Thats better. Hmm, you are wrong, it's actually a C350 luddite smartcart from 1790, a give away is the numbers, distinctly 18th century if I'm not mistaken. It was first used by Tomas Edison to talk to Queen Victoria, it normally has a trumpet attachment and can also double up as a Prince Albert in emergencies.'

RING...RING!

'And it's still working, unbelievable! Hello?, Hello?'

'Is that Mike?'

'Wow, a voice from the past, do you know what we have here?'

'No.'

'Its the original entropy bending version invented by Edison so he could chat with Julius Caesar and Christopher Columbus, never mind time zones this thing could communicate with history.'

'Wow! Bet it's worth millions!'

'Nope'

'But you just said...'

'I know what I said but we have no need for these today, we have the new fangled morse code system.'

'But!'

'No but's, I'll give you a quid, remember, I'm the expert, not you.'

'Oh, go on then.'

'Thats enough deals for today, I can't stand putting up with any more of you uneducated people, I'm off to my dressing room to buff these things up and sell them at inflated prices. I'm an expert you know!'

www.dickybobdodgydealsdonedaily.c.u.jimmy

 

www.petersmithcollective.co.uk Home Of Foreverbunny and the Impossimals

Oh My!

According to my weather app today is a bad day to mow the lawn or have a barbeque and to make matters worse my hair has a high frizz risk so instead settle down to today's blog, a romp through inappropriate superhero moments as they get together for a super party.

It all started to go wrong after aunt Maude overheard a private conversation between Batman and Robin discussing party preparations. Batman had to do some quick talking to get out of this pickle but eventually they made it into the bat cave to get ready.

Batmans vanity though was becoming a bit of a problem, with over two hundred to choose from he eventually chose a nice pink number trimmed with fur and a bottom flap. Fearing that it would clash with his own costume Robin decided to go in his birthday suit, not for the first time may I add.

They both arrived at the party ready to have a great time, all the superheroes were going to be there. Robin stepped out of his costume and strode proudly in to the tune of na,na,na,na,na Batman!

Meanwhile, Superman had problems of his own, Lois was acting very strange indeed after researching a story about Rogers Rampant Ruffian Robots Ltd the night before.

It wasn't only Lois that was thinking about the night before, Supeman closed his eyes and thought back to his night.

It was not nice and he felt more than a little ashamed.

Especially when they bought in the machine, but hey, a dollars a dollar which ever way you earn it.

And boy did Superman know how to earn it, if only the reporters knew what really went on behind the hero headlines.

Superman left Lois and on his way to the party decided to visit a couple of 'friends' to relax.

Spider-Man had had enough and decided not to go to the party but instead took matters into his own hands.

Which was probably a wise discision as revelation after revelation was revealed, topped by Wonder Woman's stunning admittance.

 

www.petersmithcollective.co.uk Home Of Foreverbunny and the Impossimals