FREE GIFT! Excuse'o'matic - Cut Out And Keep

It's Monday morning, it's snowed, maybe a bit maybe a lot, you need to phone work and come up with a reasonable excuse to stay at home and put your feet up but you are stuck. Everybody will be phoning in, how do you make your excuse stand out from the crowd?

You use our handy cut out and keep Excuse'o'matic! Cut out the circles, make a pointer or something and spin it for instant excuse results.

INSTRUCTIONS

Phone your boss and start the conversation by using one of the phrases below...

So, you should have said 'OMG! Snow!' Follow it with 'And...'. Another quick spin will give you another result.

'And the dogs exploded!'. Wait for your boss to absorb your unique excuse then break the news that you may be able to come in...

...Next week, or any of the other genuine excuses. Finally quickly exclaim that you have to rush off now because... (Spin again!)

'You need a poo'. If you have followed the instructions you should now have the following sentence with which to impress your boss.

'OMG! Snow! and my dogs exploded. I may be in next week. Must go now I need a poo.'

Impressive stuff, it will save you from embarrassment when other colleagues phone in with pathetic excuses of late trains and snow clearing.

Excuse'o'matic is just one of the fabulous items available from We Say You Say We All Say Ltd, why not try our Tourette Roulette, imagine your excitement when your ball lands on FLAPS rather than a red number ten. For families we have Insult Wheel, a spin later and you will all be swearing like a trooper. Just some of our incredible products.

Enjoy your day safe in the knowledge that your excuse is unique!

 

www.petersmithcollective.co.uk Home Of Foreverbunny and the Impossimals

Snowpossimal Says Thankyou

Snowpossimal says thank you after an overwhelming deluge of likes, comments and posts on Facebook and Twitter. So in the spirit of the Snowpossimal here's a gallery of some of your work yesterday...

We will start off with a recreation of the Impossimal sculpture, Bunnyhead from way back in 2006 using a real bunny!

This fantastic recreation took over two and a half hours to sculpt, I particularly like the attention to detail with dust caps for eyes and very accurate ears.

We even had a nice little snow mouse when snow was a little thin on the ground to come by.

A full bodied Snowpossimal is quite impressive though, I love the heart too, a fantastic attempt rivalling my original Snowpossimal.

So if like me yesterday you are a little bored with all this snow come along and join in the fun and if you have a snowman or indeed a Snowpossimal to show off, pictures are still being posted on my Facebook page, who knows what Snowpossimals we will get today!

https://www.facebook.com/Impossimal

 

www.petersmithcollective.co.uk Home Of Foreverbunny and the Impossimals

Snowpossimal

Having no children in which to share the snow with my inner child decided to pick up the challenge this morning from a collector who suggested that I put down my brushes and instead build a snowman, or in my case a Snowpossimal.

So returning back to my childhood I donned my big coat and put on my wooly gloves, slipped my stocking feet into my wellies and off I went. Unfortunately it left Jayne snow clearing but I'm sure she understood, Snowpossimals are serious business. With eight inches of snow to play with I had plenty of material but as soon as the rolling snow ball reached waist height I knew that was it. The sheer weight stopped me rolling any further and it came to rest beside the Bunnyopolis fence much to the dismay of Aaran, Jura and Iona.

So any neighbours looking out of their window at 8:30am this morning would have seen a slightly disturbed middle aged man giggling in the garden and occasionally stopping to stand and talk to himself Winnie The Pooh style rolling snow. It looked even worse when I rolled the head and added the ears, even to me it looked a little obscene.

Still, half an hour later and using a trowel and a small dibber I had somehow managed to carve myself a Snowpossimal and heart. Two small stones for the eyes completed the look and it now stands proudly looking into Bunnyopolis.

So, can you beat it? Send me your pictures on either twitter (#Impossimal), Facebook (Impossimal) or Instagram (Impossimal) and let the world see them!

 

www.petersmithcollective.co.uk Home Of Foreverbunny and the Impossimals

Twenty Things You Never Knew About Pies

1. Pies are more popular than horses. Last year a staggering 9,726,263,163 pies were consumed, that's an amazing 173.68 pies per person whilst horses accounted for only 3,000,000 burgers.

2. The largest man made pie was the Piepockalypse, a whopping 45,000lb chicken pie created by master bakers R.U.Fatt Ltd in 1983. It remained in the British Museum's pie exhibition until last year when it was part of the Jubilee celebrations when it became the first ever Pieboat in the Jubilee flotilla. It sank shortly after launch when it was discovered that its lard and flour casing had sprung a leak, pieces of pastry still litter the banks of the Thames till this very day.

3. The expression 'Easy As Pie' does not mean pie's are easy it actually means something is easy to do, just like pies.

4. 'A Piece of Cake' means the same although its about cakes not pies and never mentions that cakes are easy too.

5. Never ask a mathematician to slice a pie, you will be there all day. The first slice will be fine but the rest will be cut to 23,363 decimal places and take several days to complete all the cuts.

6. That is because a mathematician will think a pie is actually Pi which is a character from Midsummers Night Dream or something, I don't know, I only know about pies don't ask me to be academic.

7. If a gangsta wants to 'Pop Your Pie' you had better run, especially if you are in the jail shower at the time.

8. Pies containing fruit are called fruit pies and are not very good served with chips.

9. Use gravy instead, it helps bring out the flavour of the fruit.

10. A fisherman's pie contains real fishermen trawled from the seabed using large nets whilst a supermarket fish pie contains 2lbs of potato, a small chopped carrot and a prawn.

11. The first pie shop was opened in 1066 after the battle of Hastings. A war over who got the rights to the name 'Ye Olde Pie Shop' was resolved when it got out of hand and somebodies eye got poked out. A pie can still be seen in the Bayeux Tapestry, panel seven, top left, just under the iPod.

12. A pizza is a pie just don't expect steak and kidney to be on your local Pizza House menu, that's because in Italian 'pie' means 'windy bottom' so they changed it to pizza instead but kept the round shape and removed the lid.

13. A custard pie is a pie containing custard whilst a fruit pie contains fruit with a possibility of custard and a meat pie contains meat but no custard, handy to know if you don't like custard.

14. If you want a nice pie M&S will probably do one, pop down and check them out.

15. Or try your local supermarket or small shop.

16. Don't try the hairdressers, unless you want to be embarrassed by asking for a pie that is hairy.

17. 'Shut Your Pie Hole' means just that, any hole you have created for storing pies needs to be filled in as its no longer required.

18. When Tutankhamen's tomb was opened in 1998 they found amongst all the treasure an ancient pie made from giraffe and slaves. Etched in the intricate pastry work was the hieroglyphic inscription 'On swift wings death will arrive after a bite or a munch on this'. Sir Albert Tacklock dismissed the inscription and ate a bit of burnt crust, he died immediately after a long illness several years later on his 106th birthday.

19. By 2015 Greggs is expecting to open its first ever pie shop in space - on the moon! The international space station already has a concession shop on board with pies for sale at a whopping £234,253 each!

20. A lot of pies are named after their place of origin, Cottage Pie comes from Cottage, a small house shaped like a pie, Pork Pie comes from Pork, a small village in Yorkshire whilst Pasty describes somebody who is looking off colour.

21. Using pies to count up to twenty doesn't work very well.

22. Arithbitematics - If you want to count using a pie simply take a bite for each number, if you ever get stuck simply count the number of bites you have taken to know where you are.

23. Multiple pies can be used for advanced Arithbitematics.

24. A Pork Pie can be used in formal situations as a smart hat. Simply remove the lid and eat the contents. Turn it upside down an place it at a jaunty angle to look pie-tastic at weddings, funerals etc. Use miniature pork pies for added amusement factor.

25. 95% of people reading this will have at some point eaten a pie, or horse depending on which shop you went to.

 

www.petersmithcollective.co.uk Home Of Foreverbunny and the Impossimals

A Chance

Yesterday I was proud to be part of the judging team for the UK Childrens Fine Art Competition. For those that have never heard of this prestigious competition it allows individuals, scout groups, schools, art clubs, in fact anybody to take part and compete against the rest of the world in the Childrens International Fine Art Competition through this UK entry. Unbelievable? I know, I didn't know about it until two years ago and I was immediately amazed by its sheer worldwide scale. Nearly 30,000 pieces of art are entered from over 70 countries and with each passing year it gets bigger and bigger.

A theme is set by the United Nations Education, Scientific and Cultural Organisation (UNESCO) for the competition and announced at the beginning of June, participants then have until Christmas to finalise their entries for the UK leg which is judged in January. It's really that simple, read the brief and draw, paint or create a piece of art. All pieces are judged in the UK with prizes awarded accordingly complete with prize giving ceremony but then all the art, irrespective of the winners, are despatched to Lidice in the Czech Republic for worldwide judging. Its like the Eurovision for art, imagine your child winning for the UK, an amazing opportunity.

 Anyway, yesterdays six hour judging involved eight artists, a very tall building that led to the Skyroom and a fantastic view over the snowy country.

 As with all these events it was going to be tough, the artwork is laid out according to counties and we begin by picking our six favourites, these are then pooled and whittled down to the right amount of awards according to category. There was some fantastic work on show as this years theme was your countries traditions, translated by the children of the United Kingdom into morris dancing, folk tales, family tradition and even plenty of seaside scenes with real sand and shells, the imagination was boundless.

 The UK leg does judge International entries too, this is a selection from the Hong Kong schools and you can really see the cultural differences as we were treated this time not to morris men but dragon boats and traditional dress.

 To give you an idea of some of the standards achieved over the years the picture above shows a fourteen year old on the left and a sixteen year old on the right, incredible stuff from last years entries.

 But I particularly like this one, aged only five its innocent naivety was for me and instant hit. Don't think your child has to be a budding Picasso either, the competition is about 'from the heart', something you can read about on the official UK Childrens Fine Art Competition website here :- http://www.ukchildrensartcompetition.org/

 So all the artwork will now be packaged up and sent abroad, all participants receive a fantastic certificate, winners receive prizes and as part of the International competition you get a chance at this...

The Children's Fine Art equivalent of winning an Olympic gold medal, fancy a go?

UK Children's Fine Art Competition 2013

Just a quick blog before I set out to meet the rest of the judges for the judging day of the UK Children's Fine Art Competition. There has been oodles of entries so it looks like its going to keep myself and Jayne, Kerry Darlington, Frederick Phillips, Harry Davies, Sid Kirkham, Tiffany Budd and a few other respected artists busy for most of the day.

I'll have plenty of pictures for tomorrow's blog on what promises to be an exciting day!

 

www.petersmithcollective.co.uk Home Of Foreverbunny and the Impossimals

Show Us Your Old Bits

Welcome to the latest antique bandwagon program to hit your screens presented by the slightly peculiar and sinister David Dickybob. In this series we invite you to bring your old objects to our event tents around the country for accurate valuations, maybe that dusty item sat in the corner of the room is worth pounds or maybe it's just grandma, either way bring them to our roadshow and we will tell you, maybe this time next year you will be a millionaire.

First up to meet David Duckybob is the lucky owner of this fabulous piece of china.

'Hi David, This has been in my family since Wednesday when I found it tucked away in Poundland.'

'Wow, I don't think I have ever seen a more stunning piece, let me tell you a bit about it before I even pick it up to confirm my expertise and give you a smug grin. It dates from around the 11th century judging by the naive design work and comes from China hence the name china I used earlier. Notice how the light passes through little dimples in the bottom making them brighter. This particular shape is called 'a bowl' and comes from the word 'bowl' the 'a' was added later. I know you don't know what it is for otherwise you wouldn't have bought it to me, I'm an expert you know.

It's actually used for holding food, sometimes soup or maybe noodles and chicken chow mein. Prawn balls could be placed in here to stop them rolling off the table. People in the 11th century used to eat food and this is the very bowl that started the trend in crockery we see today. Let me turn it over and see if it has any markings'

'There, see it? It takes a trained eye but I can read it quite clearly, it says "MADE IN CHINA". There, that confirms everything I have told you accept the price. Unfortunately it has a little dust on it that is going to affect my offer, normally this bowl would fetch around the £20,000 mark but the dust really does detract from what a dealer would offer.'

'Ill give you a quid.'

'Done'

'You have been, next!'

'Hi David, I found this unusual thing in my attic, what is it and can I put it on eBay?'

'Its no wonder you didn't recognise it, it's actually a bag that holds real money. It dates from years ago when you trusted banks with your money and in return they didn't trust you so chained their pens to their desks.

' See, inside is real money, you don't see that very often, you have 16d or 16 groats in old money. These are often called a penny and ladies were often called Penny in the hope they attracted pennies in large quantities. In 1845 the first Pennyland was opened where everything was a penny, you could buy a horse or a tallow candle, it didn't matter, they were all a penny. If you ever found a rare black penny these could be sellotaped to letters and posted, it's why people look for Penny Blacks today to post letters as postage is cheaper if you use a rare penny black rather than a first class stamp.'

'Look at the bottom of the bag, we have some Eartha Kitts. Many years ago people made twelve sided coins to stop young couples rolling coins across table tops to each other as it caused too much excitement. Their peculiar shape also makes them easy to find down the back of sofas. "I'm going for a thrupny bit" was a popular announcement when a gentleman decided to retire to the water closet for a giraffe.

Unfortunately all money is now worthless and wealth only exists in computers until banks decide to lose it, maybe if they made virtual money twelve sided they would find it more easily, after all it has got to have gone somewhere.'

'I'll give you a quid'

'In old money?'

'Yes'

'Ok'

'Due to inflation your quid has depreciated, here's your new deal, 1p'

'You really are a thrupny bit aren't you Dickybob'

'I certainly am, next!'

'Hi David, I found these on a shelf, are they worth any money?'

'Say it like it is, I like that. These are very special, they are in fact pins to hold things together but they have the word Adamantine across them which denotes their previous owner.'

'Who was it David?'

'It was Wolverine, only Wolverine has adamantine pins to repair his indestructible skeleton. Now that you have been on this program he knows where you are and he's going to find you and rip you a new one.'

'Gulp!'

'I'll give you a quid.'

'Just take them, please, I don't want a new asshole!'

'Next!'

'I'm puzzled David, what do the words BRITISH MADE mean?

'Many years ago and you might find this difficult to believe, we actually used to manufacture things ourselves. I know, I know, it's unbelievable, it's like a fairy story or having a pension. But we did, we used to make everything, from tins to pins, from socks to sweets, did you know that even HP Sauce used to be made in the UK?

Anyway in today's world we buy everything from another country including gas, electricity and air so everything is second hand before we have even received it. Even our weather is imported from other countries although they keep getting the order mixed up between sun and snow.

So what you have is a proud British manufacturing firm making small self adhesive dressings, I'll give you a quid.'

'No, it's worth more than that, you told me we don't make anything ourselves any more.'

'Ah, but you are forgetting one thing, because its British made people now think that it's inferior and will not pay any money for it. 50p is my final offer.'

'Ok, cheapskate.'

'Next!'

'Somebody told me that this dates from the 1990's and may be worth a few pounds, any ideas David?'

'For a start I'm the expert, you come in here with your know it all attitude, amateur!'

'Ok, I'm sorry Mr Dickybob'

'Thats better. Hmm, you are wrong, it's actually a C350 luddite smartcart from 1790, a give away is the numbers, distinctly 18th century if I'm not mistaken. It was first used by Tomas Edison to talk to Queen Victoria, it normally has a trumpet attachment and can also double up as a Prince Albert in emergencies.'

RING...RING!

'And it's still working, unbelievable! Hello?, Hello?'

'Is that Mike?'

'Wow, a voice from the past, do you know what we have here?'

'No.'

'Its the original entropy bending version invented by Edison so he could chat with Julius Caesar and Christopher Columbus, never mind time zones this thing could communicate with history.'

'Wow! Bet it's worth millions!'

'Nope'

'But you just said...'

'I know what I said but we have no need for these today, we have the new fangled morse code system.'

'But!'

'No but's, I'll give you a quid, remember, I'm the expert, not you.'

'Oh, go on then.'

'Thats enough deals for today, I can't stand putting up with any more of you uneducated people, I'm off to my dressing room to buff these things up and sell them at inflated prices. I'm an expert you know!'

www.dickybobdodgydealsdonedaily.c.u.jimmy

 

www.petersmithcollective.co.uk Home Of Foreverbunny and the Impossimals

Oh My!

According to my weather app today is a bad day to mow the lawn or have a barbeque and to make matters worse my hair has a high frizz risk so instead settle down to today's blog, a romp through inappropriate superhero moments as they get together for a super party.

It all started to go wrong after aunt Maude overheard a private conversation between Batman and Robin discussing party preparations. Batman had to do some quick talking to get out of this pickle but eventually they made it into the bat cave to get ready.

Batmans vanity though was becoming a bit of a problem, with over two hundred to choose from he eventually chose a nice pink number trimmed with fur and a bottom flap. Fearing that it would clash with his own costume Robin decided to go in his birthday suit, not for the first time may I add.

They both arrived at the party ready to have a great time, all the superheroes were going to be there. Robin stepped out of his costume and strode proudly in to the tune of na,na,na,na,na Batman!

Meanwhile, Superman had problems of his own, Lois was acting very strange indeed after researching a story about Rogers Rampant Ruffian Robots Ltd the night before.

It wasn't only Lois that was thinking about the night before, Supeman closed his eyes and thought back to his night.

It was not nice and he felt more than a little ashamed.

Especially when they bought in the machine, but hey, a dollars a dollar which ever way you earn it.

And boy did Superman know how to earn it, if only the reporters knew what really went on behind the hero headlines.

Superman left Lois and on his way to the party decided to visit a couple of 'friends' to relax.

Spider-Man had had enough and decided not to go to the party but instead took matters into his own hands.

Which was probably a wise discision as revelation after revelation was revealed, topped by Wonder Woman's stunning admittance.

 

www.petersmithcollective.co.uk Home Of Foreverbunny and the Impossimals