Oh No, He's Back :-(

You thought it was all a bad dream but no, the Doctor is back with his greatest adventure yet!

Travelling in his extraordinary postbox shaped time machine that moves through time and space under severe restrictions such as only being able to travel between 9am and 5pm on the same day and only being able to transport the Doctor to supermarkets Doctor Do's adventures are legendary amongst Do Do's, the Doctors biggest fans, let us join the Doctor on his latest adventure.

For those of you unfamiliar with the good Doctors adventures you can find the previous episodes below

Previous episodes available

Episode 1 - Doctor Do And The Horlicks - click here

Episode 2 - Doctor Do Run Run And Rise Of The Garlics - click here

Episode 3 - Doctor Do Goes Dogging - click here

Episode 4 - Doctor Do And The Frankenfood

Sat in the gloom of the Tardydis the Doctors Casio watch barely illuminated the inside of the postbox. It had been a while since he had bothered to leave the confines of his home and he lived entirely on what he could find posted through his slot. He knew he had to move the Tardydis before people became suspicious that their mail was not being delivered, which was a shame as he had enjoyed a small box of birthday chocolates posted that very morning and had become very tipsy on the liquor filled ones.

The Doctor pressed the special button to destinations unknown and swiftly the Tardydis vanished leaving behind a circular pile of rubbish that would confound scientists. Normally the Doctor would know precisely where he was going but after snapping off the control stick pretending to be a bus driver when he came home drunk a few nights ago all he had left was a small stub that could be barely moved. The broken article joined an assortment of coins, lint and Werthers Originals in his pocket.

It was a rough ride, the combination of chocolate, alcohol and last nights kebab rode his stomach like a giddy flatulent goat when suddenly the Tardydis landed with a thud. 'Jesus! my guts!' Exclaimed the Doctor as he gingerly opened the postbox door feeling rather worse for wear and letting out the foul odours that had been trapped inside.

'I need something to settle my stomach, that last tequila whiskey brandy slammer may have been a mistake, besides I used the last of my giro buying it.' Stumbling from the Tardydis he stepped straight into a dog egg and spent the next ten minutes gagging whilst he removed the worst of it from his shoe with a stick. 'Great, just great, I travel through space and time in a revolutionary machine breaking the laws of physics only to fall foul of a poop prize.'

The Doctor had landed outside an upmarket branch of Waitnose, recently refurbished everything was shiny and new, something not lost on the Doctor. 'Wow, it's come up trumps, I have been transported into the future! I wonder how that happened? It must have been the stick I broke off.' The Doctor pulled the broken control stick from his pocket still not realising it was actually the same article he had cleaned his shoe with.

'Smells funny but I can't see anything unusual that would alter time travel.' The Doctor pocketed the stick once again and strode purposely into the supermarket marvelling at the swish Star Trek style doors as they automatically closed behind him. 'Amazing, I wonder what date it is? If this is the future I should have a look around and get the lottery numbers.'

The first problem came when the Doctor reached the stairs, they were not stairs, they were escalators. 'Well I never!' Exclaimed the drink addled Doctor, 'Metal hills that move! How cool is that. I bet they have robots that shop for you, pills you eat for a full Sunday dinner and an automated checkout that you do yourself. Maybe not that last one, that's a little far fetched, I mean allowing you to checkout your own items, it's like working for them isn't it?'

The Doctor unaccustomed to the new technology stepped on the escalator and tried to walk up them. After a few minutes he realised you needed to step on the ones going up to get anywhere and not to try taking a trolley with you. Sliding down the rubber belt that was the hand hold was a mistake, with two rubber burns on the insides of his legs he strode cowboy like further into the store. Everything seemed vaguely familiar although there was plenty of new items on the shelves he had not seen before and even further in the store he found the meat counter. 'Hmmm, Billy Bear meat, I wonder what animal that comes from? Maybe a genetically modified beast called a Billy, yes, it must be now I think about it, if I remember correctly they have Billy farms where they herd them together and feed them up on flamingoes to give the meat its distinct off pink colouring. Hmmm, Olives? I wonder why they are called a colour? Now this looks interesting, black pudding that looks neither black or pudding like, what curious things they have in the future.'

In the bread aisle the Doctor was in for even more of a surprise. Tiger bread. 'Bread made from tigers! They have even used the stripes! In my day tigers were considered endangered and now, in the future they are used to make bread!, shocking, just shocking, whatever next? chocolate biscuits made from Penguins?'

'OMG, in the future our food is made from endangered species, this cannot be happening! Chocolate made from frogs!, they even call them by their pet name, this poor one was called Freddo and look at this, a Lion bar! Mankind must be warned, it's tampering with the Eco system, we must save the animals for future generations so our kids today don't look back and think bulldogs are just clips or foxes are just mints!'

Wary of shoppers identifying him as an animal activist willing to stop the vile practice of turning endangered animals into ready meals the Doctor immediately armed himself by stealthily sliding a pepperoni stick up his sleeve for a handy baton and pocketed a few eggs to be used as grenades. 'This must stop, I need to take these items back to my time as proof.'

It was with this heroic thought that the Doctor began stuffing his pockets with evidence. 'Crab sticks, oh no! All those crabs losing their sticks it doesn't bare thinking about, Tiger Prawns taken away from the jungle and made to swim, Chicken of the Sea, those poor, poor sea chickens and Dolphin frendly tuna, poor dolphins have had their best friends taken away people, don't you care!' the Doctor screamed, immediately drawing attention to the fact that his pockets were stuffed to the brim with goods.

After a brief chase the Doctor found himself cornered in the bakery department in the futuristic hell he had landed in. Brandishing a French stick and his pepperoni sword the good Doctor challenged all comers to 'Come and have a go' according to the arresting officers notes. Several witnesses came forward to describe the Doctors final moments as he furiously beat off security with blows from his rapidly disintegrating bread, one security guard ended up in hospital with severe bruising after receiving several pepperoni stabs to his arm and yolk injuries from an egg granade which exploded on the nearby cake counter.

Over eleven pounds worth of damage was caused and several floured baps had to be removed from display after it emerged they had been poked by a contaminated stick.

'You are in big trouble Sir.' said the officer pointing to the Doctor sat in the managers office. The manager just shook his head and opened his drawer. 'You seem to be under the illusion that this is the future, you do know that it's not real don't you Sir?, Sir?''. The Doctor was not listening, his attention was drawn to the manager who had reached to the back of the drawer and pulled out a Yorkie bar.

'Dog murderer!' Shouted the Doctor as he leapt up and broke the managers nose with a concealed cucumber, a weapon hidden for occasions just like this.

Ahem, now I have got that off my chest don't forget that today is the last day to enter the Children's Christmas Card Competition by Evergreen Art Cafe with a chance for the winning entry to be on sale in Waitrose! Full details can be found by visiting my website and clicking the link or visiting www.evergreenartcafe.co.uk.

Christmas With The Impossimals events seem to be expanding as more galleries climb aboard, we will now be adding The Original Art Shop in Trentham to the list with a special appearance on Sunday the 16th December, I'll post full details of all the appearances later on this week on the website.

 

www.petersmithcollective.co.uk Home Of Everything Impossimal