Monday, October 15, 2012

Pitchin'

Sunday morning, 6am getting ready to go and stand in a frosty field full of sofas, assorted ornaments, fill a bag with clothes for 50p stalls and the obligatory unwanted kitchen and exercise equipment. It's been a long time since I have been to an early morning car boot sale and my things have changed. You get the usual traders rummaging through your boxes as you try to unload the car like vultures picking over bones, that was expected, what wasn't expected was the sheer amount of weird things you manage to shift over the course of the morning. I mean, if I was going to list a rabbit ravaged child gate and I mean ravaged I don't think it would get much attention on eBay but move it into a field and offer it at the bargain price of a few quid and people fight over it. It was the Facebook of eBay, real buyers, real money, real cold.

So feeling like I was on the set of Cash In The Car Booty Attic Big Deal Roadshow and taking hints from our neighbour, a car booter of nineteen years who at one point used to have a stall over thirty foot long that took him two hours to set up we got stuck in. We soon realised that you have to talk certain things up though and I found myself saying things like 'That would look great on your mantelpiece or if you don't like it the mantelpiece of somebody you don't like' and 'It looks difficult but rub it on your face and the wrinkles will drop away'

We had a random person that went through the entire stall and loved everything, including the fence sprayer and wooden cock. I suppose that needs some explaining, I'm not saying our person loved wooden cock before you jump to conclusions and imagine that our stall sold unsavoury items hidden amongst the gems, we had a wooden cock, as in bird, that is difficult to love, but they loved it. Didn't buy it though and they were followed by a stroker.

What's a stroker? Well, it's a person that goes up and down the stall fondling everything and finishes with stroking the fabric then walking off. Strange, are you a looker or a stroker? Another client, although client sounds like we provided a service of some disreputable nature, started a discussion on rubber keyboards and a broken membrane followed by a history of Windows 3.11, all this to sell a 50p PC game. Still, it was fun, interesting and educational, I shall call it Fintercational.

Boy can people haggle though, it's always the quiet ones I tell you.

'How much for the two candlesticks?"

£5 the pair, for they are a very nice pair.

'I'll give you a quid'

A quid? No, that's far too low, £4.50 but they are worth a lot more

How about £1.10?

It's at points like this you want to scream, I mean, it's hardly in the spirit of haggling is it? Going up in increments of 10p is mind numbing. By the time we had got to £1.70 and I was still at £4.50 I think we knew we were on to a loser.

So how much are you willing to go up to?

'£2.10'

Can't do that I'm afraid.

'How much is the small rabbit?'

50p

'Oh, I'll think about it, Mmmm, go on then I'll have it'

Ok, here you go...

'Got change for a £20?' He said as he pulled one out from a wad of £10,000. Never mind the candle sticks he had enough to buy my car.

You can never tell, everything we said wouldn't sell sold, things we earmarked as goers garnered no interest whatsoever. It was quite a successful morning despite the cold, over half the stuff had gone and our garage heaved a sigh of relief.

So welcome to our stall, it's not pretty I admit, but we have some bargains still available to go to a loving home, all offers considered, they would look lovely on your mantelpiece / bedside table / kitchen unit and really suit you sir or madam.

Three Enchantica fantasy figures for example, a dragon, and two trolls finely crafted, the dragon even has its signed certificate or maybe you would like a floral decorated cat? Maybe a floral bunny or two? No? OK, let's rummage a little further...

Surely you can't ignore a new Cluedo boxed game? Maybe gardening and cooking is your thing, if so these fine books on herbs and cacti are just the ticket. How much I hear you say? 50p each, what a bargain!

Something for everyone on our stall, Metallica videos mixed with Paintshop Pro 7 Gold edition, see you really can't go wrong, it's all got to go!

 

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