Saturday, January 05, 2013

Gangsta Sweetshop

In a quiet village in middle England, Busta Dogg, former gang member has decided to give up his life of crime and follow his dream of opening up a small sweet shop. It's Busta's first day and we find him busily arranging the sherbet pips when in walks his first customer, a seven year old girl clutching a ten pence piece.

'Yo bitch, welcome to my crib, whaddya want for ya grills?' explained Busta eloquently.

'Erm, erm, I'd like a ten pence mix please, but no blackjacks or fruit salads.'

'What you call me Ho? I'd be packin'n'strappin you little bitch, you think you all that but you assed out, ghost before you get poped.'

The little girl runs from the shop crying.

'Dang, this sweet business is hardcore, come in here with no dead presidents you'd better jet'

In walks an old lady clutching a rather large handbag.

'Yo, saggin' bitch, hope you got some scrilla'

'Do you sell Sherbert dips young man?'

'You want me to dip in my own crib? Get the fo, outta here before my 22 makes you a 187, nobody dis the Busta!'

'Pardon? I'm a little hard of hearing you will have to speak up young man'

You hard? Who you rollin' wit? You're nuthin' but a old school newjack, gimme that bag, they are my Benjamin's'

In walks the local vicar.

'My lord, what's going on in here Mrs Muffin?'

' I don't know vicar, I only came in for some Sherbert for Harold and this young man started shouting and grabbing at my handbag. It was most unsavoury, I shall report him to the village policeman'

'See that you do that Mrs Muffin, this is a quiet village and we don't put up with any nonsense young man'

'What the f...'

'Language!'

'Did he say the f word vicar?'

'He most certainly did, I have never heard language like it since old man Stan caught his finger in the rectory door a couple of years ago, hardly any of the villages talk to him since he shouted that awful word.'

'You mean the C word Vicar?'

'Yes, I'm not going to repeat it but as soon as I heard him shout c h u f f i n g I decided then to inform the village policeman about his obscene language.'

'You two are wack, you roll up and bring your crew not showin' propers, don't want candy then we've got beef'

'Did he say beef Vicar?'

'I certainly think he is a little confused, I believe he thinks he is working in the butchers'

'I'll have a pound of sausages please young man and none of your colourful language if you don't mind'

'This is crazy! Yo actin' like yo blunted, stop buggin' n' vamoosh, before I smoke yo ass'

'He's selling cigarettes now Mrs Muffin'

'I can't keep up with this vicar, does he sell anything else? I'm looking for a few balls of wool for a bobble hat I'm starting.'

'I'll ask him, do you sell wool by any chance?'

'Wool? Wat is wool? a reefer?, you want a blunt? I got blunts the size of king kongs, I got herbs, angel dust, dimes, only twenty Benjamin's foreal.'

'Did I hear him right Vicar?'

'I believe we did Mrs Muffin'

'In that case I'll have some Acapulco gold for Harold and I'll have some California sunshine because I fancy candy flipping on a string'

'I think I'll join you Mrs Muffin, give me two rocks of chalk, I need to get ripped to my tits so I can put up with the wedding this afternoon'

'Certainly Sir and Madam, i'll throw in a few cherry lips and cola bottles, would you like any ho's with your fix?'

'No, I'm fine for now, how about you Mrs Muffin, do you need any ho's for Harold?'

'Send me a couple over later, they better pull some good tricks though, you know Harold and his bad back'

'Certainly, here's your produce I'll pop around later with Shauny and Bambi, have a nice day'

'What a pleasant young man' said Mrs Muffin to the vicar, 'Indeed' replied the vicar lighting his crack pipe.

And so another day ends at Gangsta Sweetshop, stay tuned for further Gangsta adventures as Busta Dogg decides to expand and starts selling ice cream with hilarious results and plenty of ho's.

Word up.

 

No comments: