Believe

Boo! Bet that scared you! Ghosts, are they real? Today's blog deals with the serious issue of the spirit world and we are joined by special guest the famous ghost hunter Derek Accordian. Used to creeping around neighbourhoods at night dressed in black even though he has a restraining order against him Derek is no stranger to the unexplained isn't that right Derek?

'Yes, I remember once when I was at the Fox & Crown, a public house from the 1850's where I had been on the trail of the phantom of the optics, a trail that involved me trying them all out to discover if there was any difference in taste only to find myself plunged into the unknown as I left the pub around 1:30am. I strode outside and suddenly loss control of my movements, it was as if a spirit had entered me and was controlling me from within. Even my speech became affected and I found I was swearing at lamp posts and cars. Further research the next day uncovered information that the Fox & Crown used to be a notorious drinking establishment famous for a heavy drinker called Simon The Sot, who apparently according to the records used to get, and I quote, 'blinde drunk and spoken foul wordes until he fell asleep'. He was found drowned one morning upside down in a horse trough with his trousers around his ankles, a likely candidate to return and haunt the living. I can only assume that Simon The Sot had entered one of the optics and I unknowingly drank him causing my possession.'

Very interesting Derek, do you have any tips for aspiring Ghost Hunters? I see you have bought a handy list of useful items...

One question Derek, graphite for fingerprints? Do ghosts leave fingerprints?

'Yes, it's a well known fact. I first discovered this whilst trapped in the toilets at the Lucky Sailor, a pub I frequented. The toilet cubicle was supposed to be haunted by unpleasant odours and strange sounds so I was investigating. Moments before I entered the cubicle I detected a frightening aroma coming from inside so I yanked the door open only to see something dark disappearing down the toilet. I felt its presence immediately and the aroma clung to my clothes, in fact it took several washes to remove it. Anyway since I knew the spirit had just manifested itself I decided to look for signs that it had been there. Only I had touched the flush handle so out came the graphite and lo and behold there were hundreds of sets of fingerprints, one of which must be the ghost. Spooky stuff.'

What about spirit photography Derek, do you believe that we can capture a ghost on film?

'Of course, what I am about to show you has never been see before, it's conclusive proof that ghosts exist. I must warn you now the photograph is quite shocking and horrific, it was taken in a bedroom of a normal council house where the residents had been haunted by the ghost of a retired barber called Mr Clipper. He used to trim them in their sleep and mysterious pots of brylcreme used to appear along with small pieces of hair trapped in the bath sponges. The family were terrified they may wake up one morning with a bob or worse still a mullet. For a full blown manifestation to be caught on camera like this required patience. I stayed with the family for seven months until I was thrown out after snapping this conclusive proof.

Remember, once seen, never forgotten, it's horrendous, a twisted old man brandishing a lethal looking pair of scissors. Shortly after taking this I fainted and woke up with a short back and sides.'

Conclusive proof I'm sure you will agree. I rest my case, ghosts are real. Don't have nightmares!

 

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