Brond

I wasn't going to do a blog entry today until I came across this in the studio. Many years ago I had a fascination with plaster of Paris and casting. Nothing was safe from a latex coating and I managed to cast everything from ornaments, everyday objects and eventually my own hand. I found a finger. Not just any finger but one of mine that I cast over twenty years ago so I did the obvious thing, compared yesteryears finger to today's with surprising results.

The surprising thing is that there is no difference, absolutely zilch. I could have cast it yesterday, all the same lines are there and in exactly the same proportion too. Focusing on the nails they are the same too even down to the length and width. The fingerprint I knew would remain the same but the wrinkles on the knuckles and the vertical lines between the joints I had expected after twenty years of growth to at least have increased but no, they are identical.

It's weird that part of the body that gets such a lot of hammer remains the same whilst everything else slowly gives in to gravity and either sags or sprouts hair. I suppose that's the fun in getting older, it's the gift that keeps on giving, hair grows where you don't want it and you suffer from overspill, a term I find increasingly useful as my belt rides higher and higher up my waist. So on that cheery note and in an effort to stave it off a little longer I now go swimming most days. This is where it gets odd, because swimming improves all the parts of the body that sags but get this, it makes your hands go all wrinkly, don't you think that's weird?

So if I did the same experiment with the plaster finger after a quick swim I would find little to compare as my fingers have acted like an enourmous sponge and millions of new wrinkles have been added. Another thing, why doesn't every part of your body wrinkle after being immersed in water for a while? Not that I want to get out of a swimming pool looking like a prune soaked in milk but its strange don't you think?

Come to think of it and I'm going off on a tangent here, why is Doctor No called Doctor No? Being called an answer to a question must be so confusing, how many times has he turned around when somebody has inadvertently said no to somebody. You would get very paranoid always thinking you're being talked about.

"You talking about me?"

"No, er, No Doctor No, I was saying No to henchman twenty six when he asked me if I wanted anything from Greggs, he said No, Dr No. Want anything fetching Doctor No?"

"No"

If you are going to be an evil genius have an evil genius name like, oh I don't know, Doctor Devious for example, although that sounds a bit crap too. On another tangent did you know a few years ago a newspaper actually carried adverts for henchmen jobs based on James Bond films to see if henchmen could be hired in quantities only to be inundated with applicants?

They ran something like this...

Staff required for moderate/large organisation with big expansion plans. Applicants will be expected to work on own initiative during our frequent security drills with a view to working alongside a team overseeing an international world changing space program. Applicant must be willing to relocate at a moments notice. Light arms experience preferred. Flexible moral code. Uniform provided. Must like cats.

Apply to Dr Julius No, Crater 29, Crab Key

So what started as no blog entry today has, as usual, descended into some weirdness, I really don't know how this keep happening, is it normal to think these things?

Jumpers. Why are they called that when quite obviously they cannot jump or indeed make you jump, unless of course you have a really bad knitter in your family who regularly supplies jumpers of frightening quality and design.

See, here I go again.

Note to brain - Stop.

Why is stop called stop?

The more you type stop the more it looks wrong. Stop, stop,stop,stop,stop,stop,pots,stop,stop,stop,stop. See, it looks kinda kooky.

I hope you were paying attention 007 and spotted the deliberate mistake in the last paragraph. This is no ordinary gadget Bond, you twist this bit here and press down hard on the top and it turns into a handy writing tool. Reverse the action and it no longer writes as the tip ingeniously retracts. We got the idea from the Russians who use a simpler version called a pencil, we needed a snappier name so we dropped the cil and named our improved version Pen for short. We don't really know what to do with it yet I'm sure you will find a use for it somewhere in the field Bond.

'I'm shore I will Q' (say this bit like Sean Connery, to warm up try saying "You're a shite for shore ayes")

Where was I? Ahh...

Stop.

 

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