Yet Further Adventures Of Dr Do

Travelling in his extraordinary postbox shaped time machine that moves through time and space under severe restrictions such as only being able to travel between 9am and 5pm on the same day and only being able to transport the Doctor to supermarkets Doctor Do's adventures are legendary amongst Do Do's, the Doctors biggest fans, let us join the Doctor on his latest adventure.

For those of you unfamiliar with the good doctors adventures you can find the previous episode here

Today's episode is Doctor Do Run Run And Rise Of The Garlics

After spending the last week tinkering with his time travelling postbox the Doctor had managed to extend the working hours to fit in line with the extended openening hours of most supermarkets, so enjoying his new found extended time freedom we find the good doctor on a Friday night tucking into a curry after parking his time travelling postbox outside Lesco's, safely away from the centre of town and the threat of inebriated young men urinating through his slot. "Mmmmm, this vindaloo is hot, hot, hot! It reminds me of the time I tackled the Sausage Sirens on aisle twelve, they were hot too". The Sausage Sirens were five scantily clad females with rollers in their hair that called to male shoppers to fill their trollies with Aunt Bessies, eventually the Doctor had to subdue them through the cunning use of prawn earplugs and a gravy gun water pistol.

"Mmm, what's next? Ahh, my favourite, Rogan Josh. Nom,nom,nom..."

"Oh no! No,no,no!!!" the Doctor had wolfed down several spoonfuls before he realised that his curry had been spiked. "Garlic! I told them when I ordered, under no circumstances use garlic, they know what happens when I eat garlic or at least they should know, they had to clean it up last time!"

A little known fact about the Doctor is that garlic is equal to Supermans Kryptonite, it evokes a tremendous bowel action that threatens to turn the Doctor inside out unless he can, how shall I say, evacuate it from his system within thirty minutes. The countdown had began...

Jumping up the Doctor tipped the curry down his new cords. "Damn, these are brand new, only £5 from Asba's back to school range, thirty minutes until blastoff and it looks like I'm going to need some new trousers too, I must concentrate. The Tardydis doesn't have a loo and I'm not using the post slot again not after last time when that old lady tried to post a letter, last I heard she was still in therapy"

Due to an unfortunate oversight the Doctors time travelling postbox, the Tardydis was just that, inside it was only large enough for the Doctor, his scalf and a few pieces of mail after failing to install a space expander so the Doctor relied heavily on supermarket facilities to compensate. Thinking the Doctor remembered a branch of Waitnose stayed open until 9pm and after a nifty manoeuvre he turned around enough in his cramped space to initiate the time slip.

Whooosh, the Tardydis flickered out of existence, moments later reappearing a hundred meters down the road outside Waitnose. Bursting out of the postbox smelling heavily of spices the Doctor ran through the sliding doors and was immediately rugby tackled by the security guard.

"Not you again, I have told you before, take your Turdis, your stupid overly long scalf and sling your hook, you're barred. Remember? You ran naked down aisle eight trying to scare off a Yoghurt Yeti that was trying to steal all the petit-filous, it turned out it was our assistant in a large coat after returning from the freezer. Now get out! God, you stink too, what's that down your trousers? Urgh, I'm going to be sick"

Picking himself up the Doctor glanced at his Casio watch, a bargain at 50p. Twenty minutes left, time is running out. Looking around the doctor spied the disabled toilets away from the main building. "Just the ticket!" said the Doctor sprinting across the car park unbuttoning as he went.

"Damn, another sabotage!" One of the Doctors enemies the Turgis (Series 2 Episode 24) had visited before and dropped a giraffe rendering the facilities useless. With only minutes left the Doctor returned to the Tardydis and hit the controls. "There's only one thing for it, that new Lesco's Megastore, I haven't been there yet I was saving that for a special treat but needs must before I bust!"

The Tardydis landed with a thud outside the new Megastore, a thud that knocked a minute off the Doctors shortening time span, it was coming. Learning the Doctor walked through the doors avoiding a comotion and straight on to the escalator. "Hmmm, this is new, never seen this type of layout before." At the top of the escalator was a sign 'Store, Homewares, Toilets this way >'

"Thank you, thank you, thank you!" With seconds to spare the Doctor ran and ran until he found himself surrounded by toilets. "Wow, first time I have seen so many and they all look posh too, unusual layout being able to see so many, not good for privacy but what the hell, here I go."

The noise was bad enough but the following localised vacuum floored several passerby whilst the lingering smell took out a few others. In hindisght the Doctor should have realised he had stopped short of the real toilets and was actually in the main Homewares bathroom section, something he only realised after frantically pumping the handle in a vain attempt to flush an unplumbed toilet. "Go damn you, go!!! Why won't you go?? Do I have to beat you with a stick?"

In the managers office pending charges the Doctor could see a hazardous material squad cleaning up and carting away a toilet with a cracked bowl. What was the good Doctor going to do now? Just then he heard the familiar sound of a Sausage Siren, "Aunt Bessie's calling" he whispered to no one in particular and started to remove his trousers...

Enjoy more of the Doctors antics as be descends into mental meltdown in the next episode The Doctor and The Ready Meal Massacre coming soon!

 

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