It only took twenty minutes for it to be installed but we had to endure a instructional talk from a nice man who went on far, far, far, far, too long. After all do I need to know that if you press this button it shows you your current usage? Oh, and if you press this button it shows you your current usage. Did I tell you if you press this button to show you your current usage?
"Yes, I get it. This button shows you current usage."
"But if you press it twice..."
"Yessss?"
"If you press it twice it shows you current usage and seven day usage, but if you press it again..."
"Yes?"
"It goes back to current usage."
"Have you got a problem with that bloody button or a strange addiction to saying the words current usage? Either way pal I'll do some current usage with my fist if you don't move on" I said a little tersely.
"Ok, Mmm, and this, these colours are red, amber and green, we call them traffic light colours, green means go or good, amber means your using electricity and red means your using a lot of electricity. You can check your current usage at any time by pressing this button"
Right, for frikin sake, thank you, I think we have had enough patronising traffic light button pressing for one day, please, let the door hit you where the good lord split you"
And with that he was off, really, thirty minutes to teach us four buttons, two of which he did not explain as we didn't need them and one useless one that told us our emissions for the day, I ask you. The only one I was interested in was the current usage and the peculiar traffic lights that warned us if we were draining our bank account funding the national grid.
So for the next few hours merriment was had switching on various combinations of appliances to see just how high I could get it. Even with the bare minimum on I could not get it to go green so stuff that I thought, lets go for a red alert. Well, that was easy I thought standing back proudly as the house shone like the sun and the electric meter whizzed around like a manic roundabout. Lets see how much that lot costs.
"How much!"
"£2.25 an hour!"
Jayne complained when I got the candles out but I'm sure she enjoyed a night without power, after all we were saving money and I did manage to get the green light to come on which I gleefully pointed out with my fingerless gloves.
www.petersmithcollective.co.uk Home Of Everything Impossimal
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