Shopping went as normal, you walk up and down numerous aisles tutting at the new supercons, did you know for example that when you buy that big bag of peas on offer that you need to check the weight? Yesterday we found the same brand had conveniently priced a larger bag to look good value but buy two of the smaller bags and they work out at the same price but get this, you get a third more, go figure.
We went to the checkout and was greeted to the normal chit-chat, 'Hi, are you ok?', personally and this is just my point of view, I want this kind of question from a qualified medical professional not at the checkout when I'm stood next to two bags of peas, six bottles of wine and a small comb. Another thing is when they ask 'Did you find everything you were looking for?', no, not really, I lost 10p in spare change and a small bit of lint down the back of the sofa six years ago and was disappointed to find you don't have a replacement, more to the point just when exactly are you going to stock hats for cats?
'Cash back?', yes if it's free but it never is is it?. Jayne carries on and enjoys this kind of thing, I personally are a bit of a grump at the checkout but saying that I still prefer a real checkout rather than those robot ones where you become unpaid staff and it tells you silly things like 'Unexpected item in baggage area' when a zephyr of a breeze wafts over the scales.
Out we rolled and back to the car through the obstacle course car park, you know the type, all speed humps, grids that shake the contents of your bottles to bursting point and inconveniently placed pathways to foil your escape. The car was loaded and I sat in the drivers seat. Jayne on the other hand was returning the trolley, I could see her quite clearly as she tried to fit the trolleys together to retrieve the pound coin only this time they didn't quite fit.
Again Jayne pushed the trolley into the first line and it bounced back, another push and it bounced again hitting her legs. I know Jayne and this was a game changer, it was no longer an inconvenience it was now more of a challenge, so thinking logically she pushed the trolley line to make sure the metal that should move out of the way was not jammed by anything. Good thinking. Yes, it did indeed move out of the way freely so rolling back a little she gave it an almighty shove. The trolley line buckled under the force like an arcing caterpillar and launched the trolley back into her midsection nearly picking her up off the floor.
Boy was she getting angry, I went to get out of the car and was waved back in, obviously letting me interfere would be defeat so instead I made myself comfortable, picked up a banana and watched. By now she had moved onto the second line with the same results, even kicking it in didn't work, she was a little more wary of the kickback this time. Then I saw a lightbulb moment hit Jayne, the trolley park has two sides, if this didn't work maybe the trolley lines on the other side would?
A second later she was around the other side expecting an easy time, not so, same problem, different line. Wham! Dust fell from the covered trolley park roof as it shuddered under the impact, trolleys started rolling away and passers bye stopped and stared at a red faced Jayne who was nearly bent double after her attempt at a run up roll with triple backflip and split kick met the same unmoving obstacle. Even at this distance I could see 'Why doesn't the bloody thing fit?' written on her face.
Turning the trolley around she had a new idea but found the little bit of chain that held the pound freeing device wouldn't quite reach any other way so as I got out of the car to the tune of trolleys smashing together every couple of seconds Jayne was repeatedly ramming anything and everything to try and get it to work. Nothing was safe, small children ran away screaming, grown men wept, dogs howled, you know the type of thing, maybe that last description was a tad dramatic but she was creating quite a din. From a distance it must have looked like some nutter was loose in the car park and it was only a matter of time before they started on the cars.
I walked around and prised the trolley from her grip, lifting each finger off one at a time as the trolley demolition derby carried on to the chant of 'Fit!, fit!,fit! godammit!'. Once freed I pushed the trolley smoothly into the third line and clipped them together to retrieve the pound coin.
'I thought we had done the big shop.' said Jayne as some kind of explanation as to why for the last ten minutes she had been unsuccessfully ramming a small trolley into lines full of big trolleys. Silently we walked to the car.
'Don't you dare blog about this.' She said and the temperature of the car dropped several degrees.
www.petersmithcollective.co.uk Home Of Everything Impossimal
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