Today we celebrate all the achievements of 2012 with a quick look back at the people, products and events that shaped this memorable year.
In January Arthur T Grumple pictured above broke a world knitting record when he managed to complete a knitted bootie set and bobble hat in the amazing time of thirty minutes using only his spun chest hair. It was the first time the record for spun chest hair knitting has been broken since it was set by Edna Beard after her lightening sock knit in 2006 in which two people were injured by broken needles. Edna's chest hair socks have kindly been donated to Knittercity, the worlds biggest and greatest knitted chest hair museum.
After a cold February Ms T.Trimble became an overnight sensation after her YouTube video, 'How To Hula Hoop Using Just Your Neck' received 364 hits in one month. There followed a Hula Neck craze leading to hospitals being overrun by hula induced whiplash injuries. Ms Trimble remains unrepentant and followed it up in March with 'Crack Catch' a video explaining the mysteries of using your bottom cheeks to catch a variety of objects including footballs, cats and even pianos. Ms Trimble is currently appearing in the Pantomime Snow White where she can be seen catching the seven dwarfs betwixt her cheeks as they are fired out of a cannon.
April bought us a smile with Mable Scrubbable, who took on the world record for teeth cleaning. She heroically managed to brush her teeth for six days until she completely erased her head.
In June the annual Brush Bash took place in London. Pictured above is Sissy and Dotty just before the opening event. Over thirty women took part in the event which involved cat fights and hair pulling along with heated arguments over a dressing table. Sissy pictured left was the first lady to be knocked out when Dotty threw a particularly large soft hairbrush across the room hitting Sissy at the back of the head. Dotty subsequently said she deserved it for calling me a bitch under her breath the bitch.
Apple wowed the world with the latest gadget in August, the hands free iHead. This eagerly awaited device allowed Apple to directly control the thoughts of its users effectively turning them into iClones. A glitch in the mapping system caused mayhem at the launch after users reported believing they were in Peru and the geotagging location placed them in Narnia. Over forty million iHeads have since been sold and the latest add on iOwnyou has been heralded as the greatest thing since Apples last greatest thing. Some users have since returned their product after they realised you could not turn off the feature that automatically took your wallet out of your pocket and opened it in every Apple store after first checking your bank account details to see if you were fluid enough to enter in the first place.
The founder of Phooowar! magazine Arnold Letch celebrated it's thousandth issue by appearing as the centrefold nude holding just his walking stick. Never one to shy away from controversy this groundbreaking issue featured more fruit related erotic photographs than ever before and introduced for the first time the only existing picture of Arnold's most famous creations Naked Farm Fun Fondling Fruit Freely, a photo containing three goats, two pigs, an ostrich, seven bantam chickens, over a hundred melons, one suggestive banana, three kumquats, a rampant zebra and several pots of jelly. Witnesses report people uttering 'Mother of god!' before fainting in newsagents after accidentally seeing the picture.
In December all our dreams came true when engineers announced that they had managed to create a hover board made famous in the time travelling Back To The Future movies. The picture above shows their hoverbus version capable of carrying up to five passengers as they glide noiselessly around town. Remember, you have seen it here first!
Hover boards and hover buses will go into service after the technical faults have been ironed out such as the need to remove the gentlemen that help 'support' the levitation system. Experts predict that by 2013 we will all no longer walk but rather glide on superhighways called motorglides. The government has already announced funding to the tune of £3 billion and hailed it as the way forward comparing it to Betamax video cassettes as a games changer.
So an amazing year, if 2012 has been this great just what marvels does 2013 have in store!
www.petersmithcollective.co.uk Home Of Foreverbunny and the Impossimals
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