We all go through it at a certain time of life, we reach middle age and we suddenly have a cracker crisis bought on by the confusion and misery of Christmas. With nothing else better to do today take this handy test to determine once and for all what type of cracker you really are. Use it to solve cracker disputes, cracker related questions and to avoid putting cheese on the wrong cracker whilst you pull a Jacobs apart looking for a paper hat.
Simply choose the statement which closely resembles you and refer to the answer below.
A) You have a large head, a thin neck, a massive stomach, small legs and big feet with a tendency to make a large bang if pulled. Mostly you wear brightly coloured clothes that tests the limits of acceptable fashion statements and you always carry paper hats, mottos and small plastic toys for emergencies. Occasionally you sit uncomfortable at a table waiting to be picked up only to 'go off' at the slightest contact. If you are unwrapped carefully people always shake their heads in disappointment.
B) Your hair is always messy and always need straitening out before you go out. In public you always look enticing and full of promise but you have a tendency to blow things out of proportion. You have a fear of naked flames and don't like people to handle you in a silly manner, a respectable touch is your cup of tea. You are the life and the soul of parties and sparks fly when you are around but your aloofness causes people to stand at least twenty foot away from you even though you are the centre of attention. You are such an emotional wreck that people should never return to check if you are fine after you have been annoyed, it's far easier to spray you with water first.
C) As you walk down any street you turn heads, slim, well dressed and attractive you know your strengths and weaknesses and use them carefully with a regard to your fellow man. Never out of place you are equally at home at the best dinner parties or dressed in scruffs cleaning out the bin. Often complimented you always acknowledge but never gloat.
D) Friends describe you as quite square preferring traditional food, your favourite being cheese of any variety. You have a regular pattern of skin blemishes that resemble small holes and your skin can also suffer from feeling 'flakey'. Being quite a delicate person you can be broken easily, even unintentionally if not protected and you also hate rain and the soggy feeling it brings. Although you go to parties you are often left until last to be served, sometimes you even have to wait until the other guests are drunk before you are allowed to join in.
E) Everytime you open a door you find yourself on your knees looking at the mechanism. A fascination with numbers makes you a bit of a bore but you handle this by going out at night looking for a quiet weathly neighbourhood to stroll through. Your wardrobe consists of nothing but striped jerseys and black masks.
What Cracer Are You?
A) Congratulations you are a Christmas Cracker! Enjoy being pulled and relax a little more, also ditch the stupid clothes.
B) Congratulations you are a Firecracker! Enjoy showing off even though your performance is always disappointingly short.
C) Congratulations you are a Little Cracker, Enjoy being eyecandy, get your coat, you've pulled!
D) Congratulations you are a Cream Cracker, you are boring, secretly though everyone loves you but regrets you in the morning.
E) Congratulations you are a Safe Cracker, can you lend me a fiver?
Hope that has solved your cracker crisis, if you have any more cracker problems don't forget to drop us a line here at www.crackercrisishotline.cr.ack.pot
www.petersmithcollective.co.uk Home Of Foreverbunny and the Impossimals
No comments:
Post a Comment