Halloween Special

Not ONE but TWO spooky LOST ALICE appearances this week in an UNPRECEDENTED series of FORTUNATE events that are ALL FREE and open TO ALL!!!

Join us both with LOST ALICE at Trident Galleries, 1 Allandale Road, Stoneygate, Leicester, LE2 2DA between 6-9pm this FRIDAY 30th for MUSIC, FOOD, DRINK, FUN, FROLICS and of course NAKED LINE DANCING absolutely free. Want more details? Either turn up on the night or phone 01162 745333 for a good time!

Secondly we are at CASTLE GALLERIES, MEADOWHALL on 31st October between 1-4pm for a SPOOKY special appearance. Come along and see PETERS PUMPKINS and Jayne's broom along with LOST ALICE and an assortment of Impossimals absolutely FREE!

To get you ready for this spooky spectacular here's todays guide from the University of Proper Speek to hone your electrocution lessons and speak right. Nuff said, word out.

SEE YOU ALL ON FRIDAY AT TRIDENT GALLERIES 6-9pm or CASTLE GALLERIES, MEADOWHALL 1-4pm on SATURDAY HALLOWEEN (N.B. Delete as appropriate, no goats or magical wardrobes please)

Welcome to the University Of Proper English, we aim to educate our students in the principles of using the correct grandma and how to avoid embarrassing shiitake from over enthusiastic spell chequers.

During our six week coarse you will lean how to spot mistakes as they happened. From spelling errors to languish difficulties our tutors will expertly use simple tech niches to a void pot and tail problems.

LESSON ONE

Highlight the problem areas in this paragraph.

As she mowed his grass he bought out the flowers. They were in pots and ready to plant in the ground now the soil was conditioned with shovels of fresh top soil. He popped his loam into the freshly dug hole before planting the flowers.

This should be quite easy, the above paragraph is nearly all incorrect, of coarse it should really reed, after the correct spell cheque has bean applied like this;

As she moaned, his ass bough tight then flowed. There were inputs and ready to punt the grind now the oil was condoned with shuttles of fresh tit oil. He dropped his load into the freakish bunghole before planning the flow hers.

LESS ONE TWO

Fill in the miss zing word.

A) She f___s like a barn door in a storm.

B) I helped my uncle J__k off a horse.

C) My c__k is the size of a saveloy.

How did you do?

A) the young lady is obviously prone to worrying, the correct word is FLAPS, she flaps like a barn door in a storm.

B) As the uncle is Scottish and has trouble dismounting from equines the correct answer is JOCK, I helped my uncle Jock off a horse.

C) Being facially challenged the gentleman is referring to his nose, or CONK as it can be called. My conk is the size of a saveloy.

LESSON TREE

Sometimes it is useful to use short abbreviations to get a massage a cross, watt do these mean?

A) Lol

B) Rotfl

C) Yolo

D) Thx

E) xxx

AN SWEARS

Were you right?

A) Lol - Languish our linguine, a term used in Italian restraints to describe past her.

B) Rotfl - Really out to find love, an endearing term used between couples.

C) Yolo - Yes, outlaw leftover onions. Used by vegetable activists to get a point across about wastage.

D) Thx - To hear xylophones. Sufferers of xylophonitus or stylophonitus use the term to describe their eternal suffering of a background noise featuring disturbing tones often produced by a bearded man. Sufferers can also be prone to Glockenspielinotion, the fear of four wheeled glockenspiels.

E) xxx - No,no,no! Or Wrong, wrong,wrong! A negative term used to inform someone if they are incorrect.

LEASON FORE

What are they?

A) Pushing Sucker

B) Dog Mermaids

C) Spinny Windies

ANNE SWEARS

A) A vacuum cleaner

B) Seals

C) Electric Fans

Now that you half sampled our land gauge coarse you can apply on line at www.werds4pleasuring.com with our sceptical starting offer of only £49.99 per month.

Apply two day and receive our math metrics coarse abs lute lay three.

No moor milkshakes, no pour spilling, comes whiff a sat his faction garden tea or your monkey Bach.

22nd March Artistic Poses And Possible Nudity

Our GoGoDragon is nearly complete, just a few tweaks and coats of varnish and after two months of work Knickerbockergloria prepares to leave the studio. It's all part of a busy week this week as Jayne drops off a new batch of wildlife artwork and we both prepare for this weekend and an appearance at The Original Art Shop in Trentham on Sunday 22nd between 12-3pm

Always a very busy event, it's totally free, just turn up at the Trentham Shopping Village just outside of Stoke-On-Trent for a fabulous shopping experience, beautiful gardens and monkeys. Oh, and two slightly deranged artists that will be milling about waiting to chat, dedicate artwork and to talk endlessly about Impossimals, dragons, food, what on earth the symbols A and the number 150 have in common and many other weird and wonderful things.

So feel free to pop in and say hello, full details below in a shameless promotional blog post that has managed not to mention underpants like yesterday or flatulence like most days but we don't always promise not to turn up unclothed.

This Sunday, 22nd March, Mr & Mrs Smith appearance will be at The Original Art Shop at Trentham Gardens between 12-3pm, all welcome!

Car Park Picnics

Oh no! The car park picnics are back next week!

On Saturday 7th March we will be appearing at Castle Galleries, York between 1-4pm for dedications, stories and numerous other things for an exciting Impossimal day for all the family. Come along for a chat, a coffee, a drink or a bit of food along with some fine artwork, all welcome no ticket necessary, hats optional, horse drawn carriages preferable.

Hopefully it will exclude previous appearance experiences like being licked from ear to head, having a large quantity of broken glass fall on me and of course three naked men in a toilet so it should be a pretty safe day. It does however herald the return of the car park picnic where we both dress up in our finest and find the dingiest car park in England to eat food, often surrounded by other bemused car park users that try and figure out just what and why we are doing it. We reply by raising our steaming mugs of thermos flask coffee and mouthing the word cheers back to them.

Unfortunately this does have side effects as witnessed in Cardiff when I mouthed word 'Cheers' and raised a cup of coffee to a nosy passer-by which unfortunately coincided with his opinions on a crucial Wales V England match that was occurring that day and it was mistranslated as 'Big Ears' to which the polite gentleman tried to extract me from the car through the ventilation system by means of my nostrils.

Other unfortunate incidents include the infamous 'FOX' found HERE , several spitting incidents and a full blown armed robbery. Sigh, at least it made for a blog entry even though I nearly turned myself inside out through my sphincter.

So if you are in YORK on SATURDAY the 7TH MARCH between 1-4PM then pop in to CASTLE GALLERIES, we would love to see you and have a chat. 

I may even lick your face if you ask nicely!

Three New 2015 Appearances

Knickerbockergloria part way through her transformation

We have such a lot lined up this year and it's only just over a week before five new Impossimal limited editions are released so we thought we had better update you with three new appearances we have managed to shoehorn in, they are...

Castle Galleries, York, Saturday 7 March between 1-4pm

Castle Galleries, Bristol, Saturday 28 March between 2-5pm

Castle Galleries, Leeds, Saturday 25 April between 1-4pm

As usual we will both be in attendance showcasing all the latest Impossimal work and several of Jaynes fabulous wildlife artwork originals so pop along if your passing and say hello at these popular Impossimal galleries.

Don't forget we are also taking part in GoGoDragons and our dragon Knickerbockergloria will be gracing the streets of Norwich in the Summer, full details will be on our website shortly along with further details of our ticketed Lost Impossimals night in May at the Michelin starred Pipe & Glass with top chef James Mackenzie's unique accompanying menu. And if all that isn't enough we have another spectacular event pencilled in for the end of 2015 that will really make the year end with the unexpected.

Knickerbockergloria our GoGoDragon bought to you by Bluebird Care,Norwich raising funds for break-charity.org can be found on Twitter at @Sapphire1Dragon alternatively the hashtag #GGD15 will get you there too.

A bit of an update, the normally silliness returns tomorrow just in time for the weekend.

 

 

www.petersmithcollective.co.uk Home Of Foreverbunny and the Impossimals

BERTS BOOK REVIEW

Harry Potter And The Broken Dream by Kash Indabank

Harry's adventures continue in book number XXVII when he breaks his nose running into platform 9 3/4 and discovers to his dismay that all the other books were lies, he had in fact been inebriated for the last ten years. His owl was a mop head he had found in a skip, his wand a disused lollypop stick and his magical cloak an old bin bag that smelt of stale lemons. Hogwarts was in fact the local pub where he had been turning up for magical potion lessons (drinking) everyday until something magical happened (he was unable to walk) and he could talk in spell-speak (slurred stringing together of words). Hermione was a mangy old dog with long hair that accompanied him to the pub and the mark on his head was a wound from the last time he had ten pints and rode a shopping trolley home.

The book concludes with a psychiatrist session in which Harry is sectioned and locked in a padded room with only a felt tip for company.

Finally a conclusion. 1/10

Fifty More Shades Of Grey by Derty Cow.

Stupidly named something 'Steele' a young girl meets the mysterious Mr Grey who is filling a Kit-Kat machine at the local gym. Suggestively she asks about the size of his Crunchie to which Mr Grey offers to show her his Toblerone instead. After a steamy Turkish Delight exchange over the counter at Woolworths Mr Grey suggests they should get a room and hints at a darker secret; he enjoys 60% coco solids and Malteasers.

Stupidly she goes along with his suggestion only to realise too late that he is a chocoholic. Soon she is dragged into his sordid world forced to sign a coco solid disclosure agreement and tied to a machine that dispenses chocolate bars which she is forced to eat, many of which she had never tried before. Mr Grey in the meantime gorges himself on Toffefee and Haribos whilst watching her, occasionally he spanks himself with a Curlywurly.

I won't spoil the ending for you other than they needed a reinforced trolley to remove her massive bulk from the house and Mr Grey ends up being lavishly sick after eating far too many After Eight mints.

Don't read when your hungry. 7/10

The Very Hungry Caterpillar by Ivor Biggun.

A huge hundred legged beast terrorises New York City in an epic battle between good and evil. Most of the city is laid to waste, millions perish as the caterpillar consumes mouthfuls of flesh spraying blood and sinew for miles. Full illustrated with terrifying realism and scenes of disturbing imagery making it an ideal starter book for the under fives.

Check out page five with the ominous words '...but he was still hungry.' with its gory illustration showing the aftermath of its rampage in Central Park, gut wrenching.

Under Fives Book Of The Year 10/10

The Da Vinci Code by Mr Brown

Discover why in the last supper nobody used the other side of the table, I mean, all that space and they cram all on one side it's so idiotic there must be a code in there somewhere. Oh, there is, it's called stupidity. Spoilt that one for you didn't I? Anyway, the book is about some silly code and a monk who does unspeakable things with a hose pipe when nobodies looking. Lots of chasing about coupled with conspiracy theories to get you conspiring theoretically. We all know that we didn't land on the moon, it was all filmed in the back garden of a house in Cricklewood and that the Internet is a portal that allows moon cats to watch our every move. Why do you think there is so many photos of them on there? We are being programmed I tell you, programmed into accepting King Moon Cat III as our illustrious leader. All hail the Moon Cat! Moon Pig is the false prophet trying to take the throne, take heed before it's too late!

Interesting if somewhat uninspired read 3/10

A History Of Artists Appearances by P.Smith

A piece of blatant publicity passing itself off as a novel, I'll give you of an example, here's page five for instance...

"Meet us both at the following FREE events this weekend, all welcome!

Saturday 25th October

Castle Galleries, Solihull between 1-4pm

OR

Sunday 26th October

The Original Art Shop, Hanley between 12-3pm"

Utter rubbish, I for one will be turning up at these events to show my displeasure and you should do the same, it's shameful, if I wanted to watch adverts I would watch adverts not read a novel for an advert. Whatever next, pop up books with adverts? I'm sure this idiot has already thought of those. Get yourself along to one of these events this weekend just to see what an idiot looks like, you won't be disappointed.

-10/100000

Whilst we are at it come along and join us on our Google+ page here that seems to be getting loads of views at the moment, it's early days and quite boring so it's full of nothing but it's all about to get prettier and shinier as we get used to the way it works and start to post some mildly amusing Impossimal things.

Have a great weekend!

Don't forget to put your clocks back this weekend and take advantage of our clock setting service, just bring along any clock to either event and we will put it back one hour absolutely FREE and you can take that to the bank!

 

www.petersmithcollective.co.uk Home Of Foreverbunny and the Impossimals

Meadowhall Appearance Saturday 18th 1-4pm

Eeek! We are so excited! Tomorrow we will be at the special Mr & Mrs Smith World Of Impossimals event at Castle Galleries in Meadowhall between 1-4pm. It's a great chance to see lots of new Impossimals, hunt for the unique golden hares and meet us both for a chat in a nice smiley, happy environment for all the family.

Come along, it's entirely free! Bring a friend, bring an Impossimal piece for us to sign, bring yourself to one of the most popular Impossimal venues easily accessed just off the M1 near Sheffield.

In addition to the Impossimals there will also be a collection of Jayne's ceramic artwork that really has to be seen to be believed and Jayne will be on hand to tell you the secrets of her artwork and just how a fuse, a screwdriver, a golf tee and a pastry cutter led her to create the collection.

Oh, and there will be drinks, dancing dogs, showgirls, a trapeze artist, a full twenty one gun salute, sixty three horses performing Bolero and a dog called Colin.

N.B. Some, all, or none may be or maybe not be at the event, although you are guaranteed two ageing talkative dressed in the dark artists banging on about Impossimals.

See you tomorrow!

 

www.petersmithcollective.co.uk Home Of Foreverbunny and the Impossimals

Let's Roll

Psssst, only three appearances left to get your special Impossimal dedications or to hear the stories behind your Impossimal pieces before Peter gets locked in his studio for two years without food or water with only Plasticine and a few matchsticks for company.

This weekend is a big weekend, not only will Peter be bringing his Impossimals to a brand new gallery but he will also be appearing at one of the UK's largest shopping centres on Sunday when he visits Bluewater. Both events are free and will feature plenty of retro Impossimals, new Impossimals and the latest Bloodlines Lost Impossimals as the tour enters it's final flurry of appearances.

Saturday 14th December, 2-5pm Castle Fine Art, Cheltenham

Sunday 15th December, 1-4pm Castle Galleries, Bluewater

'I'd give my left ball to get to either of these appearances this weekend' - Elton John

'I'd karate chop my grandmother to get to either of these appearances.' - Bruce Lee

'I'd join the dark side to get to Cheltenham on Saturday to meet Peter.' - Princess Leia

'I don't give a toss, just look at my butt. LOOK AT IT!' - Mick Jagger

'Mirror, mirror on the wall, who is the greatest of them all, it's me, cat, isn't it.' - Diedre Barlow

'I'm coming to the appearance with all my friends in revenge for all the cat pictures.' - Tigger

'It says here that he's a tosser. Just sayin' - Will Smith

'I can't believe it's not butter.' - Queen Elizabeth II

See you this weekend!

 

www.petersmithcollective.co.uk Home Of Foreverbunny and the Impossimals

Are You Ready'ing? See What I Did There, lol, rotfl, OMG, oh dear.

If you would like to chat to a 'nut job' and be privy to an assortment of flowery words or alternatively have a piece dedicated for Christmas before they lock him away then come along to this weekends free events.

On Saturday 7th Peter will be at Castle Galleries in Reading between 1-4pm and on Sunday 8th Peter will be at Chelmer Fine Art in Chelmsford between 12-3pm. All welcome for some of the last events before we lock Peter away again in his studio and hopefully this time lose the key.

Should be a great weekend, Peter is now reaching critical flywheel stabiliser gyroscopic levels of madness which as we all well know adds to the excitement.

See you this weekend!

 

www.petersmithcollective.co.uk Home Of Foreverbunny and the Impossimals

Dedication

Here's something quite amazing, the gallery Castle Fine Art in Cardiff in which we made and appearance on Saturday didn't actually exist in its entirety until 3am that very morning, an hour before we got up to get ready for the days travelling having moved premises from its Cardiff Bay location the day before, how dedicated is that!

The gallery director, manager and gallery staff all pulled together and pulled off the Impossimal with style, they even made a great Impossireindeer to sit in the window. Hats off to everyone at Castle Fine Art Cardiff, if your passing pop in to visit a stunning gallery space.

The day was busy, Cardiff is always a popular place to visit and as we approached the carpark the little spaces free boards started to count down. From joining a queue to actually parking the spaces free had dropped by over two hundred, a staggering amount for ten minutes. So we knew it was going to be busy.

 It didn't disappoint, the gallery flung open its doors and in came the collectors. It's large frontage also bought in lots of new visitors, testament to the galleries hard work.

 Plenty of photos to show but I'm not going to bore you with umpteen pictures of me on the day, instead, if you came along and had a photo taken and would like us to email it to you simply join us on Facebook and we will get it to you :)

 Trentham Gardens, home to The Original Art Shop in which every event seems to get busier and busier at this great gallery in a great location.

 Yesterday was no exception, right from the start we had to employ a ticket system, a system that had to be used for the whole appearance it was so busy!

 So plenty of snapshots taken, great again to visit, it's like having a few hours with an old friend, you enjoy it so much you never want it to end.

A great two days completing a 446 mile round trip with two fantastic galleries and our thanks goes out to them both for all their hard work this weekend and leading up to the events.

Only five left before we drop off the radar and disappear for a long, long time. This weekend we visit Castle Galleries in Reading on Saturday and on Sunday we scoot across the country to visit Chelmer Fine Art in Chelmsford, full details can be found on www.petersmithcollective.co.uk

Wales Of A Time

We have a new travelling Impossimal companion this weekend as we venture into Wales to the heart of Cardiff. Pierre will be taking over from Tapir until Christmas and he promises to get festive along the way, we might even get a little cranberry sauce with our carpark picnics. Tomorrow promises to be a hurl inducing carpark as we attempt to drive up the six stories spiral ramp that's been promised. For those of you that plan on coming along to the appearance tomorrow (Saturday 30th November) the gallery has moved from its position in Mermaid Quay to a brand spanking new gallery in the heart of Cardiff and can be found at this address :

Castle Fine Art, Grand Arcade, St David’s, Dewi Sant, Cardiff CF10 2ER, Tel: 02920 399 321

Tomorrow's event will also be the official opening of the gallery which has only moved to this location in the past few days so if your passing come along and join in the Impossimal fun between 1-4pm.

Sunday and a new month, December 1st opens with a return to the popular Original Art Shop in Trentham Gardens, 12-3pm always a busy event it's also a chance to see the one of the last original Lost Impossimal paintings, The Bored Tiddlyrockers. There will be plenty of traditional Impossimals on display too, Trentham Gardens is also welcoming Santa and Mrs Claus along with a special ice rink, plenty for all the family.

It's also one of only seven events left to get any dedications on your Impossimal pieces for Christmas, after the tour ends we will be retiring from appearances whilst we get stuck into brand new Impossimals and the awe inspiring 'Revelation' so these really are the last events for some time.

See you this weekend!

 

www.petersmithcollective.co.uk Home Of Foreverbunny and the Impossimals

The Big Weekend

 My name is Michael Caine, the special guest for this weekends 200th gallery appearance spectacular and I would like to inform you that Peter Smith will be making appearances this weekend at two free events with...

 STOP! I'm Michael Caine and you Sir are an imposter! Begone! Right, where were we? Ah, Master Wayne I would like to inform you that the artist formally known as Peter will be making...

 HALT! You're not Michael Caine, I am Michael Caine and it is my job as a well known celebrity to endorse this weekends...

You lot, OUT! Hang on a minute, lads, I've got a great idea. Not many people know that my name is Michael Caine and i am a nosy neighbour.

Aaaargh! See what happens when you try to get a celebrity to promote this weekend, looks like I will just have to settle for Lady Gaga after all.

Oh Gaga, I told you not to wear the Baublemoose outfit again you're so disappointing, looks like I have got to do it all myself again...

Right, this weekend is the big 200th Appearance weekend with a free to enter fun giveaway. On Saturday 23rd we are at Castle Galleries in Wolverhampton between 1-4pm then on Sunday 24th we have a big mega event at Castle Galleries, Meadowhall 1-4pm for our official 200th appearance since we started touring with the Impossimals way back in 2005.

They are both FREE and require NO invite just come along to any of the events on the day to join in the fun, get dedications or learn more about the Impossimals. We even have badges and assorted other goodies and don't forget to bring along your free entry form too, you can find it at www.petersmithcollective.co.uk just click the 200th banner for further details.

See you this weekend!

Roll Up, Roll Up

OMG! Peter is being let loose again this weekend! Not content with being a stay in the studio nuisance he is hitting the road to become a liability for others at not one but two cool locations. Roll up, Roll up, come along and see just how mentally unstable he really is and if his feet really do come to the end of those ridiculous shoes.

Should you want to risk meeting Peter he will be at the following galleries this weekend

Saturday 16th Artisan Galleries, Kingston-Upon-Thames between 1-4pm

Sunday 17th Trident Galleries, Leicester between 12-3pm

All welcome although protective clothing will be issued on the day we cannot guarantee responsibility for your safety especially if Peter is allowed brushes or crayons.

*NB Tapir not included, photo is not representative of Peter in any way, shape or form apart from his big nose of course.

Mr Handz Datdodishes

Unfortunately Peter is an artist, recent medical advances have still not found a cure for this crippling condition that renders Peter unable to conduct himself correctly in public places as he lives in a make believe fantasy world that expired sometime around 1979. As part of Peters rehabilitation we are trawling him around the galleries to allow him to experience full immersion therapy which will hopefully knock this silly artist idea out of his head and make him get a proper job.

Peter will be on display this weekend at two venues for you to come along and poke, the first is Castle Galleries, Cribbs Causeway, Bristol on Saturday 9th between 2-5pm and the second is on Sunday 10th at Castle Galleries, Chester between 12-3pm.

All events are free, just turn up on the day where Peter will be happy to chat to you about his awkward 'artist' condition and to also offer advice on how to create a blog entry from nothing more than an orange, two rubber gloves and a piece of paper.

Both events will be stuffed full with Impossimals and the new Bloodlines collection, you may even get a few hints as to the solution of the murder encoded within the eight paintings...

See you this weekend :)

 

www.petersmithcollective.co.uk Home Of Foreverbunny and the Impossimals

Peter The Painting Tapir

 This weekend Peter is out of the studio and allowed to mingle, come along and meet the worlds only painting Tapir (NB Photograph may not be an accurate representation of Peter, also Peter contrary to popular belief is not a cat and does not own 673 cats either as his Facebook posts may represent) Special scratch and sniff show, bring a brush and a bucket just in case his flowery words make you heave ho.

At all this weekends events Peter will be uncaged for a few hours until he becomes insufferable or mardy.

 Come along and meet Peter this Saturday 2nd November at Limited2Art, Bawtry between 12-3pm, all welcome, bring a stick to poke him with bring stale bread and you may get to actually feed him*. Always a popular event Peter will probably be wearing some special shoes but maybe not clothes depending on the amount of attention he is seeking. Plenty of Impossimals will be on display as well as the new Bloodlines collection.

*Damage to limbs etc is not covered by Peters accidental biting insurance policy, collectors feed Peter at own risk.

On Sunday 3rd November  Peter is allowed to go on the rampage at a new venue, this time The Original Art Shop at the Westfields Shopping Centre in Derby between 12-3pm where he will be chatting endlessly until we manage to shut him up. Come along and join in the fun at what promises to be an exciting hopefully 'nip' free day full of Impossimal mania and fab artwork.

Full details of both events plus future appearances can be found at www.petersmithcollective.co.uk

See you this weekend! Snerk!

Two For One

Its that time of the week again when our caged artist is allowed to visit car parks and other public areas as long as he promises not to sketch, draw or paint in case it starts off another 'episode' and we have to beat him back with a small broom.

This weekend we have two rather special events, the first is on Saturday 26th at Castle Galleries in Solihull between 1-4pm when we will be making an appearance to chat and dedicate pieces along side the real life inspiration behind the Lost Impossimal Count Carpathian Von Porl, Count Porl himself (pictured above) who will be happy to also sign and dedicate pieces should you wish. Bargain! Two for one offer, how could you refuse? It's all free on the day and there will be plenty of Impossimals and Lost Impossimals filling the walls too.

Our second event is on Sunday 27th at Castle Galleries, Trafford Centre in Manchester this time between 12-3pm. It's been over four years since we last visited this gallery and we are so looking forward to returning after experiencing a packed event last time its all rather exciting!

So two free events where everyone is welcome to come along, as usual please don't feed the artist, you are allowed to poke him with sticks and laugh at his silly ways but never, ever give him a brush, it does queer things to arty folks.

See you this weekend!

#11 & #12 York And Cottingham

As you probably well know after reading my posts that we spend rather a lot of time in car parks, not out of choice mind you but rather necessity especially when we are on tour. As you can see from the list of our tour dates (here) we are visiting rather a lot of places and normally have to get there quite early on to make sure we are not struggling to park. All this gets rather frenetic the closer we get to Christmas adding to more jolly confusion.

Car parks are strange places and vary from well lit, clean and tidy to dark dungeons of wee and broken lifts, both scenes of our regular car park picnics. Yes, we really do take our own lunch to munch before an appearance. So quite often we can be found in our car eating. This last weekend was no exception, York and Cottingham, two open air car parks, two chances to become entertainment. Let me explain.

York is always busy so we arrived early along with bus loads of tourists carrying oversized cameras and as usual we had a little look round then retired back to the car for something to eat. Feeling full I pulled out my smart phone to see if I could confuse myself even more and Jayne decided to recline her chair and have a little nap. All well and good, ten minutes later I was fully engrossed in making a complete mess of my phones settings when I was aware from the corner of my eye that Jayne was bolt upright and staring at me.

I turned, it wasn't Jayne, she was still snoozing, instead I was looking at an old woman looking through the side window and watched in amazement as she called over her friend to join her. Only they were not looking at either of us, they were looking through the car windows to view something else. Call me picky but would it just be easier and less ruder to walk around the car or look over it or just maybe flick off? Honestly, can you believe it, they lingered like this about two inches from the car door for what seemed like a lifetime totally oblivious to either of us until I honked the horn, which unfortunately made Jayne jump with a start and bang her head on the car door so hard she remembered where the comb she had lost in 2006 was.

Oh hum, onto the next car park in the delightful Cottingham, same situation, Jayne snoozing, nice and reclined in an almost empty car park, me engrossed with the fact that my phone has a variable vibration (don't ask) when on the passenger side pulls up a silver car no further than a few inches away almost taking off the wing mirror as it reversed in. I muttered something to myself that started with 'Oh' and ended in 'sake'. What wally parks so close in an empty car park that neither he or Jayne could open a car door and exit without being the thickness of a wafer thin mint?

I'll tell you what kind of wally, the type that rolls down his window, lights up a cigarette, spots Jayne and reverses a little more so he can visibly peer down her cleavage from the comfort of his own car that's what kind of wally I'm talking about. He did it so obvious too and leant out a little to see just how far down he could see. I looked at him with the same look you would give someone who had urinated down the back of your trousers then realised my mistake as the look back he gave me told me that he could seriously reconfigure my face and tie my legs into a granny knot. I started the engine waking Jayne in the process and trundled away to a less pervy spot.

Anyway, what am I telling you today? Ah, yes, the weekends appearances, York and Cottingham.

It was all so fab, on Saturday Castle Galleries in York was packed for a solid four hours and the looked stunning decorated delightfully with large lollies, a selection of pick'n'mix and other assorted props.

We met collectors both old and new, it's feels like a mini reunion at times and many of the collectors we have met time and time again they feel more like friends.

 So a big thankyou to all at York who put on a fantastic day for us both and made it all so easy.

 Sunday was Art Market in Cottingham who put on one of the biggest displays we have seen so far with a window full of vinyl banners and this...

 Unique vinyl Lost Impossimals heat sealed onto brick work, a fantastic idea that looked incredible.

Again, a very busy appearance in a great gallery that quickly got busy, which for our first ever visit was totally unexpected.

The team at Art Market in Cottingham at the end of an incredibly fun and easy weekend made so by two great galleries which we both look forward to returning to sometime in the future.

Next up this weekend the mighty Castle Galleries, Solihull on Saturday and our first visit since 2009 to Castle Galleries at the Trafford Centre in Manchester on Sunday. Can't wait!