Potato Spud Tuber

They are not the most prettiest attachments but they are useful if you don't have a shower handy in the bathroom. I have used it a thousand times over the years we have had it until last week when inexplicably to cold tap on the bath just sighed. No water, just a noise sounding like a deflating balloon as if it had given up on life completely. A mere tap trump and I'm stumped as to what it could be. Air lock, faulty washer and numerous other things I have investigated illicited nothing so I put the bath back together and turned my attention to getting the shower attachment to work on the basin that stands next to the bath.

Now here's a thing, it's supposed to be a universal attachment but when I tried it on the basin the taps mysteriously were two inches further apart than the bath. I quickly did a tour of the other basins in the house and yes, they were all different to each other too. How annoying. Still, I managed to wrangle the ends onto the taps then began the laborious job of trying to get an even flow through them whilst avoiding being sprayed by the back flow. It's a nightmare, you turn on one tap and the water flys out of the rubber seal on the other, adjust that and the other one becomes a problem, it's only through minute adjustments do you eventually get the right balance and it becomes usable.

Then I found out that the two inches really do make a difference, take that whichever way you like. I turned the taps on and picked the shower up, immediately I heard a hissing sound. Oh no! It's gonna blow! I lunged for the rubber seal just as the pressure hit maximum and both bits flew off the tap simultaneously. The shower unit turned into an incontinent snake flailing around whilst spraying me and the bathroom with water. The sudden blast from both now free taps shot the water forward and over the edge of the basin to land squarely on my crotch area.

Jayne peered in, 'Having fun?'

'Having bloody fun? This things just assaulted me, not content with liberally spraying me it also decided to splash my crotch and now it's stationary its leaking into my slipper.'

So I'm sat here whilst my clothes dry typing this drippingly onto the screen and it got me thinking. Why do things like the distance between taps differ so much? I suppose it's because of the same reason our boiler system cannot be serviced anymore, not because it can't be service and not because its unsafe but rather that the firm refuses to be bothered with anything they consider beyond it's lifespan which in this case is eight years.

It's crazy so many things seem to be at your inconvenience. I purchased a well known Sat-Nav, partly because I was ready for a new one but also because the map upgrades had become extortionate and this offered a lifetime maps guarantee. Yippee! No more paying for maps. Wrong. Lifetime maps actually refer to a time scale that the manufacturers believe is a lifetime, so in two year time when a new range of Sat-Navs come out it will be classed as at the end of its life and you are back to paying for maps again. How can any of this be right?

Anyway today's blog isn't about a good old whine it's about this picture I found on the Chive a few days ago.

Seriously, how uncanny is that? After I had finished laughing all I could come up with was John Lemon.

But on my search to bring you food related celebs I found something even more disturbing, Celebrities That Look Like Mattresses. I know I couldn't believe it either but here it is http://www.buzzfeed.com/franklynr/25-celebrities-that-look-like-mattresses-53ux

So I decided to take a look at googles other suggestions...