Tomorrow may be Saturday or again Saturday might not come after Friday. It's possible it may be Thursday But that's open to change. Tomorrow is Saturday.
OK, you have just read a load of bullocks, something very similar to the gobbledygook letter I received from the council yesterday regarding my bin collection. Before I start if I wanted to inform a household that a bin collection day is changing I think I would say something along the lines of 'Dear Resident, as of 15th April your brown garden wast pe bin will be emptied on a Thursday. If you have any questions etc..' Quite simple you would think but oh, no, that's too simple, lets build up hope before dashing it to the floor. Here's the letter I received.
Dear Resident,
RE: Possible change to your brown bin collection day.
RE:? What the hell is RE:? It's not an email you are replying too and it's not a question I have asked so why have you RE'd me? And let me get this right you are saying a 'possible' change, does that mean its going to change or not? I'd better read on...
'As of 15th April the day your brown garden waste bin is emptied might be changing.'
Might? Might be changing? You are sending me a letter to tell me that my bin collection could possibly and might be changing? Is it changing or not, don't be afraid just tell it like it is, I can take it!
'Your collection day will be THURSDAY in the same week as your BLUE bin'
Ahh, so you have just built false hopes up that it 'might' change and it 'possibly' could only to dash them all and tell me in one frank statement that it is changing. Not only that you have highlighted irrelevant points by changing them to capitals so it looks like YOU ARE SHOUTING. If I scanned this quickly to pick out the important highlighted information I would have only read THURSDAY BLUE and unless you are planning to put on some sordid show for the residents of Mansfield I think it would be more appropriate to highlight relevant brown bin changing information.
Dear Council,
RE: Letter from you regarding Thursday Blue
I was thrilled after scanning your recent missive to my household that you are planning to hold Blue Thursdays for the residents of Mansfield. This type of thing has been needed for so long to bring a smile to people's faces during these tough times. Knowing how difficult it is to book good acts for these events I thought you would like the relevant information to help you on your way. These are several 'entertainers' that I can thoroughly recommend, many of which 'GO ALL THE WAY'
Glad to be of service and can I possibly be guaranteed a front row seat at the first event?
Martha Pole Hugger and her Rampant Reptile - Top act banned in several cities
Bend Over Backwards Billy - Fires snooker balls from places you would never believe.
Slinky Slapper - Pure class from a thirty stone diva, comes with her own mud bath.
Sincerely,
A.Happy Resident.
P.S. Is my bin collection day changing or not?
www.petersmithcollective.co.uk Home Of Foreverbunny and the Impossimals
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