Welcome to TP Bunghole Kiteen soft luxury rolls support line, we are happy to handle all your queries regarding our product, please choose from the following services.
Press one if you have a problem with our softness, press two if you have experienced finger pokeridge, press three if you require instruction on use, press four to report any horrific experiences, press five for constipation advice and press six as many times as you like you still won't get through to a operator.
Thank you, you pressed three and require instruction. Please choose from the following options. Press one for swipe information, press two for stance, press three for refil information and four for all information regarding the use of our product.
Thank you for pressing four, our full guidelines are as follows.
When using our product please stand still at all times, if you are elderly or infirm find something to grip on to, if drunk please lay down to attempt this manoeuvre. We cannot be held responsible for injuries sustained performing forward or backward swipes.
Using one hand only unwind the roll until you are satisfied you have enough of our product to cope with any situation, it's always best to over estimate than under estimate. You want to clean it not smear it. Using you other hand hold tightly onto the roll, one sharp pull and your paper will tear freely away from the roll. Alternatively cat bat the roll for it to unwind harmlessly on the floor and tear yourself something close to a comfortable length.
Next assume the stance, depending on space ideally you should have enough room for your legs to be at least four feet apart allowing your undercarriage to be lowered to a significant comfortable height. If you are tight for space it is permittable to straddle the walls from a sitting position. Alternatively if you are drunk, lay on your back and scissor it.
Using either hand get... HANG ON, WHAT'S THIS RUBBISH IN TODAY'S BLOG?
We need something more sensible like, art, music, history and such. Sort it out, there are intelligent paying people out there not puerile adults that snigger when you say the word trump.
Ok, sorry, I'll start again.
TOILET SQUASH PLAYING
What could be more exciting than two people trapped in a small space thrashing each other out trying to get your ball into the bowl. First you need to remove all your clothes and...
STOP, JUST STOP IT NOW, IT'S SILLY, TRY AGAIN!
Ok,ok, keep your hair on.
Train Spotting For Dogs
Abseiling for the Under Fives
Build Your Own Bin Lorry From A Morris Minor
That's more like it, practical, useful and informative, fire away, I like it!
First get your Morris Minor. Remove all your clothes and cover yourself in grease, pay particular attention to greasing up your CENSORED
NOTICE : TODAY'S BLOG HAS BEEN CLOSED DUE TO THE INABILITY TO KEEP IT INTERESTING, INFORMATIVE AND DEVOID OF NUDITY INSTEAD HERE IS A NICE PICTURE TO COMPENSATE.