Problem Moose Christmas Special

Dear Problem Moose,

What kind of tree should I get this year, I usually prefer a real tree but this year I'm considering a fake tree, which is the most Eco friendly?

B.Crosby

Well if I were you dear I'd go for the biggest fabulous most flamboyant tree you could find decorated with fluffy pink boa's and forget about the environment, life is all about being fabulous darling. Whilst you are at it hire a couple of semi naked male models to stand either side to scatter glitter over you as you open your gorgeous presents. Fake it baby, it's what all the gorgeous people do, it's either that or get a real tree and be boring, go back to your beige walls, brown sofa and slippers, the mundanity of it all is crushing dearie, be fabulous, be glorious, I will survive, I've got all my life to live, I've got all me love to give and I'll survive! WoooOOoooOOOOoooo!

Dear Problem Moose,

I have my wife's family coming for Christmas dinner but I have never cooked anything more than toast, what should I do?

J.Oliver

Just wing it dear, get people in, it's what all the celebrities do. Did you know William Shatner once had staff in to serve just ONE chocolate eclair to Leonard Nemoy during a special screening of Shatner Sings? Beyoncé once famously hired the entire country of Japan to work in her local Yo Sushi! to make it more authentic. Just get those bad boys in and nobody will be the wiser whilst you can swish around looking fabulous. Sprinkle a bit of glitter on the table for some pizzaz and towards the end of the meal change into a slinky sequinned outfit and belt out 'Hey big spender' whilst wrapping your feather boa seductively around her fathers neck.

Dear Problem Moose,

This blog isn't really going anywhere, when will you blog about something funny?