(Cue Trumpet Fanfare)
(Show Horses and big palace)
(Focus on Christmas tree and crown)
"In this past year my family and I have been inspired by the courage and hope we have seen in so many ways in Britain, in the Commonwealth and around the world.
We've seen that it's in hardship that we often find strength from our families; it's in adversity that new friendships are sometimes formed; and it's in a crisis that communities break down barriers and bind together to help one another."
(Queen to look sombre but regal)
(National Anthem to play)
Said the Queen on Christmas Day but in the new hip age of pot noodles and iPhoneys isn't it time we made it 'fo da kidz?
(Cue Queenie rappin' out to some sick tunes whilst Phillip in his gold PJ's bangs on the walls at Buck Palace)
(Show Police car and foot chase across the mall with the Queen packing a uzi and wearing the latest footwear)
(Focus on Queen infront of Buck Palace raisin' two hands and sayin' 'This is where the magic appens', then cut to a series of black flash bulletproof cars and a gold horse drawn coach, cut back to Queenie 'This is ma' bling mobile'
Loads of buff dudes walk into Buck house and start pumpin', the camera cuts to the roof where nine scantily clad women are bouncing their back shelves and showing off their big bass asses to the tune of Snoop Dog'
Queen starts with gangsta sign.
"Family is dope, wit courage and hope, bin cruisin the world in a big black jag, son shacked up with a nag faced hag."
"On the streets they be hatin, no longer a riot, let one be quiet. Queenies gonna require more than bein hard, dress in the right attire so ain't no need fo' a body guard. I listen to people but they ain't listen back so I address the press by startin' an attack. The palace is dope and yawl have no hope, this country sucked and now you're all fu..."
(Cut to Queens face next to booty jiggling)
"If it ain't for the gin I wouldn't sin, from my regal crib full of stacks of quid, all you players and ho's, I rule, you don't. Merry Christmas motherhookers, word out."
(A corgi explodes, and Queenie licks a lollypop suggestively whilst pulling down her top)
(Ends on Ready To Die by Notorious B.I.G whilst Tupac is shown on screen)
(Black car pulls away with a close up on a license plate DA RULER, fifty pound notes flutter down the screen)
Not quite sure if it would come across as the same message but she could even wear her best tiara to bling the broadcast up and arrive in a Hummer, getting out in slo-mo whilst large bottomed women slapped their behinds and scantily clad men thrust their hips in her direction. Prince Phillip could do all the 'Yo, bitch' stuff in between and the rest of the royals could form her 'crew'. William and Harry could play pimps I suppose, bit stuck on where Camilla would come in unless she played a set of teeth.
Anyway, wadda fink?