I recently replaced a bedside clock with the simplest radio controlled bedside clock after the old one inexplicably broke. The new one didn't work so that was returned and I was offered an upgrade to a better, more reliable one.
I don't remember asking for a chronological timepiece with temperature, moon phases, a mysterious button called wave and a side mounted laser display. Some bright spark decided that late at night when you wake up unexpectedly and look at the time you required a full exploding lightshow on your ceiling to inform you that it was indeed 2:59am making sure that you were indeed wide awake to take in the extra info that it's -2 outside and a full moon. I only wanted a clock but as with many things today everything comes along with so many extras that it makes you wonder if anybody has thought it through.
My digital recorder needed updating so after plenty of research I upgraded to what promised to be an all singing, dancing system that would cater for all my minimalist entertainment needs. It did but now the bloody thing keeps recommending things, automatically upgrading and telling me about new features I could not give a stuff about. With the latest automatic update its decided only to record with 2mins of everything or chop the last ten minutes off, additionally when it goes online to find the things it failed to record it plays them with oodles of adverts then errors telling you the content is not available. Checking the manufacturers website I am politely informed that yes, there is a problem and we are looking into it and will publish our results later next week. Well that's just dandy isn't it? In the meantime I will look after your useless piece of technology and plastic until it sees fit to let me use it as it was intended.
I have added it as number #25243 on my list of things that annoy me, it's just above #25242 Using no indicators and below #25244 Shrinking toilet rolls. It's a big list.
Last week the BBC news app was updated to an all singing, dancing version that now tells me about itself everyday.
I have pressed 'OK, got it' five times and it still keeps appearing, today it started again with this...
See how stupid it is, stop telling me! I switched my phone on this morning and over two hundred notifications and updates piled in and the vibrations shook it off the desk. I had this a few days ago when I was driving and the phone was in my trouser pocket, a sudden burst of notifications felt like I was getting a crotch electrocution. I couldn't decide if it was pain or pleasure so sent myself a few texts to find out.
It developed a lisp a month ago after an update and started to mispronounce 'R's, it's finally cleared up with a recent update but has now decided to stop SHOUTING and started w h i s p e r i n g like the directions are a secret. The funny thing is that the sound is on full and she starts nice and loud but by the top of the street she has a voice like a mouse fart until she will randomly announce at a roundabout 'take the THIRD exit and KEEP left' alternating between shouts and whispers.
This morning I popped on the PC to a cavalcade of updates including several for software I didn't even know was running, please stop!
Anyway just a quick update (see what I did there?) A few bits have been added and adjusted to our website, the World Of Impossimals facebook page has been updated too all in readiness for the five spanking new Impossimal releases this weekend. More details about these next week along with a first look at the internal freezer chamber I'm building for Knickerbockergloria in the studio.
Have a great weekend and we will see you all again here on the blog next Tuesday :)