Sunday, February 26, 2012

Your Local Yellow Thompson

A long, long time ago, in a world far, far away there existed two tomes of information that was regarded with some reverence and formed part of every telephone table throughout the land. The first was the telephone directory, categorised into areas of the UK it acted like a paper version of Facebook except interaction was limited to, obviously, a telephone. Also friend requests using this method could be quite awkward I'd imagine and often led to the heavy breathing type of call regarded as unsavoury.

Anyway, I digress, the second tome was of course the Yellow Pages altered to fit into today's society with a new dumbed down and snappy version of it's name, Yell, which is essentially a loud, sharp cry and possibly the meaning of life or an exclamation of surprise or pain depending on how you view these things.

Yesterday our new slimmer, smaller and possibly more amusing 'Yell' landed on our doormat. Probably like most people today the Internet has become the source for finding such things as timber suppliers, tyre specialist and the like so in it's own way the new Yellow pages has become more of a local comfort, showcasing everything around you in one grand volume, a condensed slice of your community delivered straight to your door.

The strange thing that has happened though is the advertising has almost become too local and can sometimes read like an episode of 'That's Life' from the late 70's, a popular entertainment program that featured 'amusing' stories and newspaper errors and adverts. Let's take the new Yell and have a flick through it shall we?
This is the staple of the new directory, straight to the point. Problem with wasps? Then fear no more with Wasp-B-Gone, only £35. I wonder if that is for each wasp?
 Most adverts show pictures of their services, this particularly amused me, amongst the rats, wasps and cockroaches pictured these also apparently can banish telesales people too, I can only assume the OAP discounts they are referring to is to save OAP's money and not an offer to remove your OAP's at a reduced rate. Unless that's what the unmarked vehicles are for...
I though I had come across some strange dog stretching service until I realised it was for a vet, looks like they went a bit too far trying to fill their advertising space, I'm sure they don't grow like this, well at least not without getting an extra pair of legs for the middle three feet. 

 Ah, driving lessons, even these are suffering from a kind of mild mania. I had already come across one offering 'Amazing Prizes To Be Won!' as a promotion but if I needed one I would go with this. I'd love to test out the 'No Shouting GUARANTEED'. So let me get this straight, if I went 120mph the wrong way down the M1 wearing a blindfold and steering with my feet you would guarantee no shouting? Cool.
Intriguing is the next entries. Three different and no doubt reputable places to have your brum brum fixed, I'm just worried at the same guy working at all three on the same car with the same tool.
 Look, he's here again and on the same page too, obviously it was a problem that bugged him as he moved jobs.
 Still no joy with that pesky car, time for a more serious shot, get that tool working!
Hang on, what's this? Under takeaways, a vast section that in my location included more 'restaurants' than grains of sand on a beach and usually ran to a good two thirds of the book had changed. Now they thoughtfully listed entire menus! Wow! Now that's what I'm talking about.

Changed yes, for better I'm not sure but one thing is certain it gets 9/10 for pure entertainment and long may it prosper.

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