Skyfail

If you haven't seen the latest Bond move Skyfall then it's probably best not to carry on reading this blog, I'm about to spoil it for you.

If you are still reading then welcome to Skyfail, a blog entry about disappointment which seems to have eluded all the film reviews out there regarding the latest Bond adventure.

I grew up watching James Bond films, from the suave sophisticated Connery to the silly but still amusing Moore years over to the blatant gadget filled polished turds that was the Brosnan years, they all to some degree, entertained. Then in stepped Daniel Craig and Casino Royal.

Wow, what a film, containing all the elegance of Bond, the style, sophistication, exotic locations, fast cars, evil criminals and tight script to produce the best Bond film so far, Bond was back. Yay!

I chose not to watch Skyfall at the cinema, instead I waited for it to be released on Bluray so I could watch it in the comfort of my home away from popcorn munchers, cramped seats and neighbours prodding each other saying 'watch this bit, it's good'. It took a lot to avoid reading the reviews beforehand, although the hype had portrayed the film as the best in the fifty years of Bond, I resisted and didn't even bother reading about the plot, if it was the best I wanted to enjoy it all to my self so I got comfy and pressed play.

Oh, is that it? Skyfall is a ram shackled house in Scotland in which an adult version of Home Alone is played out? Really? You have a homoerotic baddie with a Boris Johnson hair problem that decides to hit back by electronically switching on all the gas taps at MI6 to cause an explosion, yay, way to go. Whilst your at it why not fart about on a crap deserted island with your electronic equipment in a attempt to 'get caught' so you can be imprisoned Magneto style in a plastic cube without a toilet that you escape from without explanation apart from the fact it may have had electronic locks and your a computer expert etc, etc, etc.

Really I should have guessed the pace of the film from the start. A fight on a train led to a bulldozer being used to deflect bullets and rip the train apart. Strange then that even though the back of the train is being ripped to shreds, oodles of bullets are being fired and a gaping hole appears behind their seats the passengers remain remarkably calm and surprised when Bond pops in through the demolished carriage. Me, I'd be running with full pants pushing women and children out of the way at the first sign of a mechanical digger ripping the arse off my train carriage. Then again, you need to suspend a little belief when watching a Bond film.

Anyway, that's just a mild irritant and all part of the Bond experience, what I really find annoying is two plot related things, actually it's many things but these two leap out at the moment. Firstly Bond gets shot at the start and we never find out what happens in between him getting shot and him appearing pissed as a fart in a bar apart from a vague opening sequence, secondly Bond was after a hard drive that contained the list of undercover MI6 agents. At the end of the film what happened to it? Is it still out there? Was it running Windows 8? Did it get reformatted and sold on eBay? Thirdly and I know I said two, don't employ a grounds keeper that is liable to show your exact position to any baddies in the area by waving a flashlight around, don't you ever learn Bond?

If you haven't seen the film I can probably sum the plot up in one short, longish sentence. Bond and everybody at MI6 gets old, an excuse is needed to change most of the cast, throw in a few old Bond references and a disgruntled ex-employee who wants to kill M, have a gas explosion that leaves British Gas puzzled and lure said employee to a location a la Crocodile Dundee 2 style where you have taken M for security so you can have an adult version of Home Alone minus the swinging paint cans only to see her die and thus make the whole film pointless as that was the basis of the main baddies intention, to kill M.

As a film and if you watch it with a sense of fun it's not bad, it's not the best but it will keep you entertained for a couple of hours. Cinematically it has some beautiful shots, the storyline however leaves a lot to be desired. The non fight in the Komodo dragon pit was laughable and only shoehorned in so the only new gadget in the film, a gun that can only be fired by Bond, fails to get fired just like it was suggested. Also the Komodo dragon kinda sucked.

Its a Bond film, for me a beautifully shot disappointment, a little more care and attention next time please?

 

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