The new gameshow 'How Old Are You?'
leaps from its prime slot on national television to become a feature on today's
blog. For those of you that have never seen this incredibly popular and
entertaining television show enjoyed by millions it aims to help contestants
that have forgotten how old they are rediscover their age, accurate to within
ten years, probably.
So without further ado, let me introduce your host for today Reg Todgers and
his hilarious sidekick Busty Din fresh from his other hit show 3,2,1 I'm Going
'Hi, my name is Reg Todgers and what a show we have lined up for you folks so
settle back in your high chair, arm chair or commode and get ready to play 'How
Old Are You?
'As always we start with our catchphrase 'How Old Are YOU?'
Audience - 'NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS YOUNG MAN!'
(Applause and laughter)
'Here we go, remember your starting age is zero, each question you answer will
add a number to your age, add them all together to get your real age. Question
'You are in the library and you see 'Fifty Shades Of Grey' filed under the
romance section, do you...
A) Remove the filth and place it in the bin where it belongs B) Pick it up and let it naturally flop open hoping to find the dirtiest page C) Move it to the children's section D) Snot
Add this to your age A)20 B)5 C)3 D)1
'Question two, visual question'
'Does this make you...'
A) Sob uncontrollably at the state of society and write an angry letter to your
MP that wooden letters have been placed near crayons and transfers. B) Laugh uncontrollably until you are sick and take a photo of it. C) Post it on your blog as part of a desperate effort to entertain. D) Fart.
Add this to your age A)20 B)5 C)3 D)1
'Question three, choose the correct words to fit both blanks...'
'I would like to _____ your _____ said Bert as he started stripping down to his thong and tightening his ball gag.'
A) fumble, frumpit B) curdle, milk C) wallpaper, wall D) burp, name
Add this to your age A)5 B)4 C)20 D)1
'Question four, what is it?'
A) At my age I expect to be able to
relieve my bladder every thirty minutes, this is most inconvenient and I will
be reporting it to the manager.B) Captains log star date XXXLC) The work of a genius and the result of an awesome party.D) Poo
Add this to your age A)20 B)5 C)5 D)1
'Final question folks, We have skilfully hidden a message in this picture, see
how long it takes you to find it...'
A) Less than a second B) Over thirty seconds but less than a minute although I did find STAR and BA C) I'm absolutely disgusted with this, I will be writing a letter to my MP D) Plop
Add this to your age A)5 B)10 C)50 D)1
'That's it folks, add up your scores and you should finally have your real age,
write it down it may be useful later in job interviews or when trying to buy
alcohol. How Old Are You?'
(Applause) 'NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS YOUNG MAN!'
You scored less than ten - Well done, you are a real toddler and the life and
soul of any party providing it involves jelly and ice cream.
Between ten and forty - Well done, you are rapidly approaching the age where
bits flop or drop off, get out the nasal trimmer and get ready, it's grim but
you are the life and soul of those 'special' parties we know you go to.
Between forty and forty two - Enjoy your mid life crisis. Buy a fast car and
pretend you are twenty, when you eventually come out the other end enjoy the
downhill ride that's coming.
Forty three to seventy - Gradually start to moan about the good old days and
how things were better in your day, write a blog if it helps to avoid you
thinking about the bits that are stiff, don't work or are generally not as
flexible as before. Start drinking heavily if it helps to block it all out and
avoid using computers as you are not really very good at it because in your day
you used pen and paper. Watch the news everyday to increase your depression and
check the obituaries every week to see if any of your friends are in it.
Seventy to two hundred - It's all too late now to do anything about it so feel
free to speak your mind anytime and be politically incorrect. It's also the
time that you realise the best things in life aren't things at all so leave
them with a cliff hanger and make your last words be 'Knock, knock' or 'Wow, so
that's what it's all about'
If you are reading this on Facebook feel free to post your scores below :)