Monday's are notorious for being one of the worst days of the week, the weekend is behind you and five long days stretch out to almost infinity, here are five facts about Monday to make you feel better.
1) Monday's used to be called Moandays in victorian times named after the collective moans of workers being awoken all at the same time by knocker uppers, gentlemen with large sticks that used to bang on a workers bedroom window to awaken them with a startle at 3am in the morning. A typical working day started at 3:02am prompt and employees were expected to work a full twenty three hours straight seven days a week leaving them just an hour to sleep, eat, get married, have children and any other activity deemed pleasurable. Workers were paid two pieces of coal a week (worth around 1/2p today) and in the case of chimney sweeps had to be able to dance and scissor kick on rooftops.
2) If I said you had a face for Monday's it would not mean you were a happy soul, no, it would mean you are a sour old trout with a penchant for winning gurning competitions without even trying. For you see a Monday Face is another term for a miserable bugger you miserable bugger.
3) The best Monday in history occurred on March 3rd in 1984 when Kate Curlywhirly managed to record her favourite song off the radio and managed to stop the cassette recorder just in time befor the DJ spoke. Result!
4) The worse Monday in history was today when readers of this blog had to explain to younger readers what a cassette recorder was from the previous fact.
5) Every day has the word day as part of its wording and many combinations of word-day was tried before we came up with Monday, Tuesday etc. Other days considered but eventually dropped by the Weekday Naming Society in 93BC included Hadawayday, Twaddlerwaddlerhiphappyhooday and the short and snappy Today which we still use to describe any day we have forgotten the name for. Tomorrow didn't come into general use until the invention of the clock, up until then every day was today and there was no nighttime either. We still don't know how the inventor of the clock knew what time to set his clock by, it is supposed he did it by looking at the sun but no matter how hard we look scientists have never seen the suns numbers to confirm that indeed our clocks are set at the right time.
6) Just realised there is only supposed to be five facts so ignore this one even though it's probably the most interesting of the lot. Did you know if you rearrange the letters in Monday you can make the word Donyam, the rudest word ever uttered by man that translated actually means 'small prunes and a baby carrot' absolute filth.