Monday, June 15, 2015

*May Contain Fantasy Ballcocks

I recently purchased a small portable radiator for the studio to help with Jayne's ceramic work; it's a simple affair, you plug it I and it gets warm, not hot, just warm so you could put your hand in it all day and not get burnt. Hey, you can even kick it over and it's safe and there are no nasty places to insert objects to cause injury. So I was quite surprised when I read the instructions.

The appliance apparently is not to be used by persons with reduced mental capacity, physical injuries or sensory deprivation. Sounds a bit harsh, basically if you're hungover it's a no, no then. I mean, what type of reduced mental capacity are we thinking of? Does that mean if you have forgot where you have put the car keys you cannot switch it on? It carries on too; lack of experience and knowledge is also listed as a reason not to flick the switch unless, get this, unless you have been trained by a person responsible for your safety. I agree in principle that I may need looking after at some point, or every day as Jayne would say but I think it stretches the point a bit to have a trained safety specialist on hand to turn a flipping dial on a £19.95 heater that gets no warmer than a buttered crumpet.

Still, it seems to be a trend, I happen to catch an advert the other day for a product, I forget what it was but it's something like a toilet fresher or something but it was animated and featured lots of fairy tale stuff. Splashed across the bottom was a disclaimer. 'Product advertised features Fairy Tale dramatisation' 

Oh, I'm sorry, I thought it was real when that unicorn flew out of the toilet and Rapunzel used her hair to clean the lavatory bowl. I'll certainly think twice when I sit down now just in case i accidentally crush the Borrowers and I'll certainly be sure to shoo away Billy Goat Gruff from the U-bend first before I settle down for a good crap.

Honestly! I must go now, there's Pinocchio waving his nose to me from the garden and I must join him as we are going to Cinderella's ball where she has got some safety glass slippers for me to try providing I agree to the disclaimer for glass slipper tomfoolery. Here's my pumpkin radiator coach now pulled by six mice dressed as butlers all carrying bottles of demestos.

*Today's blog features fairy tale dramatisation and reference to alcohol. Contains infrequent innuendo's, slightly amusing sentences and sometimes facts. We do not endorse cleaning any toilet with your own hair or the wearing of glass slippers, especially when under the influence of alcohol. This disclaimer is not for people with reduced little fingers, if your little finger is littler than your middle finger then please find a suitably digitally trained individual to train you to read this disclaimer. Hickory dickory dock, the mice ran up the clock, the clock struck one and the others got away with minor injuries and just where in Humpy Dumpty does it say he was an egg?

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