Plumper

 I used to be that fat guy you used to know who secretly wanted to strip off and rampage amongst warriors but it was not to be, I was just too damned FAT!

Friends used to call me fatty bum-bum, Porky Peter and other mildly amusing names until I could take no more. Every diet I tried only made me thin, nothing could combine that warrior thinness I craved. I even tried being an artist but that just started more name calling until I found...

LARD

 The only natural ingredient that comes in handy brick size packs that guarantees you will pile on the pounds in all the right places AND grants you warrior like status too!

Gives bulk - forget muscle supplements you need good solid fat for a fit bod.

Gives sex appeal - what woman (or man) can resist the smell of cooking fat especially when sunbathing. Your aroma will attract 1000's including most cats and dogs.

Adds a smooth flexible feel to your body - Forget those creams and lotions, a bit of lard rubbed around your body before you got to bed and you will remain supple and flexible well into your 90's

It's cheap - At around 89p per pat it's cheaper than butter, mayonnaise and all those other diet warrior ingredients supermarkets love to sell.

FREE CLUB - Our special club just for warrior weight loss dieters just like you offers 24 hour support through our network of Lard Advisers. Come to weekly weigh-ins where you can compare Lard brands and see who has broken the record for raw lard consumption.

Simple Advice - Use our lard conversion tables to simplify your calorie consumption

1 Lard = Calories

2 Lards = More Calories

3+ Lards = Even More Calories
10+ Lards = 10 Times More Calories Than 1 Lard

IT'S THAT SIMPLE!

HALLELUJAH!

'I started eating lard three weeks ago and the transformation has been massive, now I am no longer the butt of all jokes instead I can hack and slash just like the next man as well as spend three weeks hovering over the toilet in panic.

Lard has made my wishes come true for I am now CONAN THE LARDARIAN!' 

P.Smith, 76, Mansfield

You too can get a lorra lard too just like our porky Peter. 

For your free information pack just send a SAE to

I WANT A LARD ON,
Tillit,
Herts,
XXL 36DD

Todays blog has been sponsored by the Lard Marketing Board For Great Britain