Friday, March 28, 2014


Did you know that MC Hammer invented flipflops? In 1967 MC Hammer was making breakfast when he accidentally dropped a waffle onto the floor of his luxury apartment. As he was barefooted at the time he stepped on the waffle which stuck to the base of his foot because of the maple syrup that covered it. In his surprise he lost grip of a rasher of bacon and this too fell but draped over toes and onto his waffle shoe effectively joining them together. As he stepped around his kitchen the resulting flip flop sound please him and he realised he had invented some funky new footwear. MC Hammer went on to release 'Hammer Time' with its catchy 'Can't Touch This' and voluminous trouser to raise funds for his flipflop business. It worked and flipflops became the trendiest beach wear around.
MC Hammer once bumped into pop hasbeen Chico and when a passing fan spotted them and asked what the time was it turned to carnage.
Bruce Lee once punched Chuck Norris so hard that the resultant blast created the Ngorongoro crater in Tanzania and caused dormant DNA to form into a hundred different species of butterfly.
Justin Bieber was once carried by his minder all the way around the world after he found a stone in his shoe and refused to remove it but that's nothing compared to celebrity pouter Nikki Minaj who once purchased two Faberge Eggs at a whopping £45 million each to stuff down her pants for the ultimate back rack.


Des'O'Connor loves Christmas so much that he celebrates it everyday and dresses up as Santa Claus each and every night. Des starts the day with a smoked salmon Xmas breakfast and follows it up with a full cooked dinner infront of the television. He has an extensive collection of Queens Christmas Day messages recorded on solid gold VHS tapes which he watches from 3pm until bedtime. The only day he doesn't celebrate Christmas is on Christmas Day itself, he celebrates Easter instead and gorges himself on Creme eggs.


In 1881 radio two presenter Chris Evans was a young man who decided to experiment not the gaseous properties of the humble brussel. Using his extensive knowledge of plant husbandry he managed to grow the ultimate wind giving brussel sprout which he nicknamed the 'Little Boy'. Fearing ridicule he borrowed a small island in Indonesia from his friend Richard Branson to test out his discovery. There he cooked the brussel over an open camp fire causing it to crackle and pop as noxious fumes poured out of the brussel that could be seen for miles around.

On the morning of August 26th, 1883 Chris Evans started his initial tests and popped in a small piece of the miracle brussel. It tasted exactly like a normal brussel, disappointed he popped in the remains and bent over to put out the fire.

The resulting blast was the loudest ever recorded in history. Reports from London 3,600 miles away recorded a large rasping sound ending in a high pitched whistle, multicoloured sunsets and an overpowering smell that lingered for two months as Chris's flatulance blew with a force equivalent to 200 megatons of TNT. It destroyed Richard Branson's small island of Krakatoa, created twenty six separate tsunamis and left Chris's designer trousers in tatters. He was later found aimlessly walking in circles muttering to himself and smelling of rotting vegetables.

Many years later Chris joined the BBC but was forced to confess to his island destruction after breaking down on Desert Island Discs.



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