Let us find your ideal partner, simply answer our specially designed questions honestly and we will find you your hottest match around for everlasting love you long time only from Comp-U-M8.
1. I am looking for...A) AnimalB) VegetableC) MineralD) Human
A) SveltB) HugeC) Two up, two downD) Insanely well proportioned with room on top for a bunk bed
3. Age range
A) 18yrs and a goerB) 30yrs and a knowerC) 40yrs and a roverD) 60yrs and a Noah
4. Must be...
A) Good with dogs, kids and chinchillasB) LoadedC) DrunkD) Have own car and willing to travel as far as Cricklewood
A) Art and other useless skillsB) Curling up in a ball and mewling at the worldC) DrinkingD) Pasta making in the rain
6. I do not want...
A) Anybody who cuts their toenails on the busB) Keith ChegwinC) People with an 'A' in their nameD) David Dickensons stunt double
7. I'm willing to every night, are you willing to...
A) Give me the television controller every nightB) Cook my meal every nightC) Sing 'Sally Was A Sausage, A Silly Sausage' to me every nightD) Go to sleep every night
8. What is the way to a perfect relationship?
A) Never go to sleep before resolving any arguments about luncheon meatB) Never go naked bowling without sun screenC) Drink heavilyD) Listen to each other and make allowances for each other's differences using a wall chart to mark each annoying episode you share together.
9. I describe myself as...
A) Sexy, foxy, romantic flubbawubba with bingo wings and side saddlesB) Moobtastic with a tendency to break wind to Michael Jackson recordsC) Coming from a large family of moo cows with excellent teets and crazy teethD) A French fancy tart who likes a bit of bourbon and custard creams
10) Hair colour?
A) Monkey but not chimpanzee or howlerB) Tortoise with areas closer to snailC) Blonde from a bottle to cover up the greyD) Green spikes with pink trim
Your ideal partner is...
Mostly A's - Miserable Martha
An absolute catch Martha is our longest serving member and has yet to find true love. This may be your lucky day as Martha is also known for her unique ability to always win 'Dutch Ovens' a shared pastime the whole family can play.
Mostly B's - Rambo Stallone
Get your rocks off with this hunk who will be gunning for you. Comes with own weaponry and the ability to slur speech and decimate anything that gets in their way. Wig extra, muscles may or may not be pressed.
Mostly C's - Super Stunner Mystical Mary
Classy chick with dainty dimples willing to fulfil every fantasy as long as you are as attractive. Only applies if you are not plump, old, poor and you are vastly rich. Has tattoo of rose bed on bottom for decoration, accent slightly worrying.
Mostly D's - Billy Joe Bob Cleetus
Half man, half hunk, half thug, this man also has a big chopper (pictured) and an obsession with the eighth of March. You don't choose him, he chooses you...forever. You have scored big time and Billy and his chopper will be the last thing / person you will ever see.
Thankyou for using Comp-U-M8 we hope you had a pleasant experience, please call again, have a nice day.