Tuesday, July 15, 2014

Psychic Hedgehogs

Today we at Ghost Post chat to Psychic Medium Derek Accordian about his close affinity with the spirits and his battle to educate the public on the ghosts of food.

Morning Derek, you are a popular television personality and renowned psychic known to hundreds of viewers worldwide can you tell us when you knew you were able to talk to the spirit world?

Ahh, yes, I remember it well. I was fifteen when I heard a voice coming from a little cabinet my mother had bought from an antique shop. It was calling to me and being a curious child I wondered what it was, I wasn't scared you see, just curious. I opened the cabinet and found nothing just a lot of bottles as I remember. Then for the corner came a voice, faint at first but I was sure it was calling out my name. I of course replied back and found out the voice was coming from Gordon, apparently he was trapped in a bottle along with his friend that had the unusual nickname of Bells. I deduced correctly that the only way to release them was to drain the bottles.

Several days later I awoke semi naked with my pants on my head, apparently I had been overcome by the spirits who had entered me, possessed if you like. From there on I could talk to the spirits and regularly released them from bottles. Sometimes I would get thrown out of supermarkets after draining several bottles that had trapped spirits in them. Over the years I have helped many spirits find freedom through possession of my body, the downside is I always feel rough the day after but that's the price you pay for talking to the spirit world.

OK...who would you say is the most famous spirit you have spoken to?

That would be Jack Dee

But Jack Dee is still very much alive.

Is he? Oh, it's Jack something... Ahh, got it. Jack Daniels.

Jack Daniels?

Yes, Jack Daniels, I had to drain a whole barrel of the stuff before I could talk to him.

Talk to him? What did he say?

I don't know, he sounded drunk. Say, this room looks like it's tipped over.

Do you want any help getting up?

No fanks, I'm okaysh.

Did, err, Jack tell you anything?

No, secretly I think he drinks, you know, a likkle tipply now and then. He was not a patch on that Russian guy, you know, the famous one from that Boney M&M song.

You mean Rasputin?

Yeah, that's the guy, do you know what his first name is?

No, what is it?

Smirnoff, Smirnoff Rasputin, I found him trapped in Lidl although by then he had dropped his last name because of all the bad press from that song. I smuggled him out under my coat and released him from his bottle behind the bins. I wrapped the bottle in brown paper for protection first, I don't remember much after that apart from the singing and squat thrusting.

Seriously Derek, are you making all this up?

Honestly, it all happened I fink, only this morning I freed Baileys and Archers, here, these are the very bottles that held them.

They are not spirits Derek, they are liqueurs.

Liqueurs? Why the devious devils, they speaketh in tongues to befuzzle me, I am Derek Accordian, side kick to the stars, televisions most famous sidekick. Where's my agent, I want more money.

I think you better leave Derek.

NOOO, let me show you. I'll talk to one now. Hang on. Spirits oh spirits, is there anyone there? Yes? Yes! I hear you oh spirit. Ohh, we have got a famous one!

Ok... What did they say?



Yes, it's Lassie.

One last chance Derek, forget the spirits for a while tell us about the ghosts of food.

You know when you get wind and let out a little trump?


Well that's the ghost of the food you ate communicating with you. The tone and pitch denotes it's feelings. If it's a high pitched dog whistle of a trump then it's in pain, if it a a low key knee trembler then it's angry you ate them. Trumps are their last taste of this world, you can always tell you have been visited by one.


The smell. An unearthly aroma they leave behind, it's ungodly. It hangs around and clings to your clothes, run out of the room and it will follow you. The only way to get rid of them is to flap a newspaper around or open a window to let the find their final resting place. Don't believe me? Well you can make them take full physical form using only a lit match. First bend over and strike the match, then you...

How fascinating, well I have certainly learned something today folks. Should you wish to create your own full on level three spirit entity manifestation using only a lit match and cabbage juice then you will find all the details on Derek's website www.sadpsychics.org/talkingtrumps.html

Tomorrow how to predict the future using boiled eggs and a look at Psychic Hats, fashionable headwear that allows anyone to communicate with the other side only from top fashion house Thomas Watts.

Watch out for the latest issue, it's full of T.W.Hats.


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