Following on from the revelations that horses move their ears to detect predators recently on the BBC we would like to reveal that their hooves go clip clop and smell through their noses. In a bid to not be outdone we bring you an ear identification guide. Simply look in the mirror at your ears and match them up to the images below to find out which horse are you.
If your ears are pointy, you like wearing saddles, eating hay and understand the word giddy up then you are a Horse, either that or Sarah Jessica Parker.
If your ears are misaligned with a tendency to droop and you have a ruffled mane then your are PARTY HORSE, a heavy drinking, smoking, always up for a good blast you little raver. You never tire of your partying lifestyle and often trash your stable after a heavy night on the compressed grass pony nuts.
Touch your ears, if they feel like felt or a man made fibre and your are wearing a neckerchief then your are HOBBY HORSE and like nothing better than feeling a body on your back bouncing away. You have a tendency to drag your behind though leading people to believe you come from poor stock, deflect this comment by wearing a bell to distract attention and entertain your rider.
I'm sorry, if you look like this you are CHILDISH HORSE and unfortunately will never grow up. Your enjoyment in life comes from purile jokes and reliance on humour based around wee wee and trumps. I predict you will get nowhere in life and end up doing something vaguely arty and writing unfunny blog entries for attention.
A perfectly groomed mane, handsome looks means you are PEGASUS, the perfect horse with the added ability to fly and poop at the same time much to the astonishment of the people below as they get buried by a torrent of manure. Smug and self righteous you prance around on tip toes so much that other horses hate you and would love to mess up your perfectly groomed head. Watch your back Pegasus, look to other horses ears for signs of an impending attack.
Clueless and wondering why you are looking in the mirror because a blog told you so makes you BEMUSED HORSE. Quite often you are bemused by life in general but occasionally it really double sixes you with its rules and choices. Even paying a bill can be challenging weighing up between online, offline, banks, building societies, credit cards, cash, cheque or Post Offices which often causes mental blocks just as if your a character in the popular game The Sims and someone has just cancelled your action. Your favourite saying is 'I can't brain today I have the dumb' which pretty much sums up each and every day.
Wearing badly fitting clothes of assorted colour and sizes makes you CLOTHES HORSE. Your abysmal fashion sense is a constant source of amusement for friends and family which you try to pass off as having your own style. Your stiff limbs will be a problem later in life especially as you prefer standing still for long periods of time.
Now you know what horse you are you life will be richer and more fulfilled.
Probably.
www.petersmithcollective.co.uk Home Of Foreverbunny and the Impossimals
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