Thursday, November 06, 2014

Look! It's An Arty Type!

Want to meet a real life artist in captivity? Well this weekend on Saturday 8th November why not come along to Castle Galleries, Bluewater between 1-4pm to meet not just one but two captive artists.

They will arrive in style during the day in a fortified steel cage before being fed on baked beans and tethered for your safety in the gallery. Please note, artists can be incredibly self absorbed and may unwittingly bore you to death or make your ears bleed with their endless talking, approach at your own peril. Please keep all items of clothing, limbs and alcohol away from the artists at all times. Should they lunge for you we have a marksman nearby armed with tranquilliser darts, your safety as always is our concern.

Warning, flowery language may NOT be used at this event. Our captive artists do not respond to words such as 'narratives', 'composition' and other words which may infer formal training. They are commoners from 'Up North and should be treated accordingly. Please take pity on them, stuck in a make believe world of innocence and happiness means they are deluded so go steady and excuse them their eccentricities. Unless of course they lunge at you, then you can beat them with a stick if you please.

Artists like to sign things, it makes them feel important so feel free to bring along anything you want signing. Avoid bringing sharp pens and pencils though, we only allow our artists to have soft tipped stationary for your safety.

Should you arrive early enough feel free to find the mobile artist display in the car park, here you will find our artists tucking into a specially prepared nutritious picnic whilst sat in a car as part of their artists tableaux installation. Please do not bang on the windows as it disturbs their feeding, although feel free to follow the example of a young man in Cardiff who stood for twenty minutes staring intently.

So here's a recap, meet Peter and Jayne our captive artists this Saturday 8th November at Castle Galleries, Bluewater between 1-4pm. All welcome, there will even be golden hares to find and lots of Impossimals too!


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