Stripper Pole

Come and join us tomorrow Saturday 25th April at Castle Galleries, Leeds between 1-4pm for an arty farty extravaganza where we will prance around talking Impossimals completely NAKED whilst gyrating up and down our portable stripper pole.

OK, maybe not naked BUT there will be plenty of Impossimals, drink flowing from specially imported fifty foot wine fountains held aloft by an army of muscled, tanned men and an entire troup of dancing sheep signing to Elton John. The strippers will be on stage at 2pm just after the knife juggler and a seven course dinner will be served at 3:30pm promptly.

You will find a large selection of shops have opened their doors in celebration of our appearance then shut them in our face when they realise who we are. Rumours of us being banned from Leeds City center on grounds that we bring the area down is completely founded in truth. Of course we will be bringing our own packed lunch of a bottle of wine in a brown paper bag as usual and feel free to hunt us down in the carpark as we tuck into our carpark picnic just like the guy last year who videoed us and uploaded it to YouTube under the heading 'look at these nutters! Hahahaha!'

Jayne and I will be singing power ballads on air guitars and miming to Nikki Minaj before reading a passage from our latest book 'Peter And Jayne Go Wild At Butlins', part of our reading with shame series. Of course we will also be available to chat and sign things, although no buttocks, we never got over the pen slipping last time. We will also be continuing our record breaking attempt and trying to beat the fifty two people we managed to cram in the galleries viewing room when we last visited.

So come along, it's completely free and we don't bite anymore.

You can't get better than that!

N.B. Peter and Jayne will be appearing tomorrow at Castle Galleries, Leeds between 1-4pm and all are welcome, additional entertainment is subject to availability, expense and general silliness.

 

www.petersmithcollective.co.uk Home Of Foreverbunny and the Impossimals

Feeling Cobalt

BEWARE - This is an artist, do not approach unless the artist is being handled in the correct manner. Artists are known to be extravagant, flamboyant and difficult, quite often they will fly into a fit of pique when struggling to find the correct green. Often drunk they are lonely creatures who allow their own personal demons to cloud their minds through long isolated hours spent in their studio. Warning signs that you may know or indeed be an artist are as follows :

You call anything blue, Cobalt or Ultramarine.

You answer "my work explores the relationship between Bauhausian sensibilities and recycling culture with influences as diverse as Munch and Andy Warhol, new synergies are generated from both orderly and random structures." when asked if you would like a latte.

You squint a lot.

Your ego is always half empty.

You hoard glass jars because they might be useful for brushes.

You own sixty brushes and none of them do your hair.

You know how to strut into a gallery but tend to limp pathetically around Tesco's looking permanently worried.

Clothes covered in paint that feel edgy and arty are often described by friends as 'charity'

You know what paint tastes like.

As you can see, artists are dangerous and unstable and should be locked up. To show the perils of being an artist we have managed to capture one and will put it on display at several venues up and down the country. Be warned, our captured artist 'Peter Smith' is not pretty.

Should you wish to visit our captured artist and its handler Jayne Smith to maybe poke a stick through the cage you can find him at these locations this weekend. All are welcome and no invite is necessary but its advisable to wear protective clothing as artists can spontaneously go all creative without warning.

Saturday 5th October, 1-4pm, Castle Galleries, Leeds.

Sunday 6th October, 12-3pm, The Original Art Shop, Preston

Additional ear protectors and/or sick bags may be required to cope with the over flowery words used by our captured and untamed artist.

 

www.petersmithcollective.co.uk Home Of Foreverbunny and the Impossimals