Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Diary of a Lion

Being the Essex lion is a tough job, I had spent loads of time preparing for my big day and timed it perfectly when I strode across the field in all my glory trying to look as big as possible. Obviously I had over eaten for days before to get my large bulk but I also needed to get my mane to look right, after all, I was going to be a star.

It all started a week ago, I was sat thinking about how gorgeous I am when lo and behold a documentary came on the talking box that my pets watch. It was some kind of soap opera, Big Cat Diary I think it was called, lots of celebrity cats acting out stories in something called a den. From that point onwards I knew what I wanted in life, to be a celebracat!

Obviously my friends thought I was mad, Arthur had already tried his hand at the X-Cat auditions earlier this year with his failed toast catching act, whilst Tom had been booed off stage after pretending to be a dog. But I knew I would make it, and it seems the gods are smiling, royal ginger things seemed to be dominating the press, one more wouldn't hurt.
So I started to pretty myself up with a nice relaxing bath, making sure to cover my mane to keep it fluffy, because I'm worth it.

Simple dog tried to join in and uttered some rubbish about entering Britains Got Talent and going one better than dancing. Honestly diary, I don't think the world is ready for a dog wearing dentures that breaks wind to music. Stupid dog, he's so provincial.

Still dismal Dill, the depressed wig wearing self styled hipster cat was no better, instead of wishing me good luck he just shrugged and carried on eating. What does he know anyway, I'm going to be a star just you wait and see.

So here it is, my final photo before I stride out into that field, a quick hit of catnip then I'll cast off my robe and away I go, break a leg as they say in luvvie land.


OMG!!!!!! I'm SO excited!!!! I'm a star!!!! I had paparazzi, police escort, helicopters and everything. I'm a star! tra-la-la!!!!


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