CHFC

Maudlin Maude here to bring you the latest in reality blogging, Celebrity Historical Fight Club, a no hold barred smash fest, there can be only one!

Our first bout is between...

Top Model vs A Commoner, who will win? Place your bets now.

Well that was quick, after a nervous start our commoner managed to strike a blow across our top models head with his hefty shovel. Undeterred she leapt back up sporting a remarkable bruise and proceeded to pummel our commoner into submission with the back of her stilettos. As a final insult she used her bra as a makeshift sling shot hitting our commoner in the face with a bottle of perfume.

Winner - Top Model

Next up, William Shakespeare vs Stephenson's Rocket, Place your bets now!

Shakespeare made a brave attempt but really a quill is not going to help when faced with a full head of steam. Stephenson's Rocket hit the bard at a staggering 3mph causing him to spill his ink, Shakespeare retaliated by quoting from Midsommers Night Dream but the Rocket wasn't listening. Using extreme pumping action the Rockets whistle neatly parted the bards hair into what we see in paintings of the bard today. Declaring the whole event to be 'Piff Paffle' Shakespeare made the mistake of walking away from the Rocket only to find it roaring up behind at its top speed of 5mph, Shakespears simple sidestep off the tracks caused the Rocket to panic and the distinct sound of 'Focket' came from Stephenson as it ploughed into the buffers six miles away after realising that he had forgotten to install a brake. Stephenson suffered a small graze from the crash and the Rocket received a small 2inch dent from the high speed crash.

Winner - Shakespeare

Next, the Queen Mary vs Albert Flatcap and his coracle, place your bets!

This one looked like a no brainer, the Queen Mary seriously outclassed Alberts coracle until Albert unleashed his special move. As the liner raced towards him he paddled like mad using all his strength gained from whippet racing propelling himself towards the liner at a fantastic speed. Just before the collision Albert threw his cap frisbee like at the captain of the liner and leapt out of the coricle shouting 'by gum, that wa' a close bugger!'. The flat cap hit the captain temporarily blinding him as the coracle hit and punctured the liners hull. Alberts coricle was secretly made of Sheffield steel, one of the hardest things in the world apart from ferrets and clogs. The liner sunk within two minutes whilst Albert climbed back in his coracle and could last be seen paddling away to empty his eel nets.

Winner - Albert Flatcap and his coracle.

Finally a special event, Moody Ape vs Sleepy Cat in our special venue, Stonehenge, place your bets!

So sorry, this even has been called off due to cat, apparently he was too sleepy to get out of bed. When we told Moody Ape he went ape and wrecked the stadium, we are now banned from Stonehenge but you can still see today all the damage that Moody Ape did that will baffle scientists for years to come.

Tomorrow fire walking with Pinocchio whilst on the top show Loose Women, Cinderella, Snow White and Rapunzel talk about bitch.

 

www.petersmithcollective.co.uk Home Of Foreverbunny and the Impossimals