Friday, February 28, 2014

Bob Sombreros Tomorrow's World

It's that time of year again when good ole'Bob gets out his magical sombrero and casts his eye to the future with remarkable clarity. Remember last year when I said that the eighties fashion was coming back, well, dang if I wasn't right, what with all the crazy crap clothes in the stores you can be unfashionable for the second time. So here's my predictions for 2014, don't say I didn't warn yawl!

Man gyms are the next big thing, forget all that pumpkin' and start manning up you pathetic whelp. With fisticuffs, perambulators and medicine balls you will be slapping the maids and smoking in front of the ladies before you know it. Each man gym comes with a world domination map allowing you to decide which country to insult or invade next.

In April a new craze will sweep the country, Bratwurst Boyancy Aids. For new swimmers this will be a boon as they can take to the water in complete safety wrapped in meat based floating aids. Here we see the Little Piddlington Channel Swimming Club about to embark on a swim to the Amazon wearing nothing but the incredible Bratwurst-Bouy, new from Rontel.

Indoor entertainment gets an upgrade with a new We add on, called the We Cyclet, get ready to pump those muscles and watch in true 3D as your on screen cyclist blasts away on a realistic velodrome. This will be on every kids wish list this Christmas we confidently predict.

A cheaper version is available for kids without friends called 'On Yer Bike'

Or why not try the new Floatabike, seamlessly travels from road to water without the need for a swimsuit. Using the latest in dome plastic technology you can skip all the traffic and cycle a river! No experience necessary, only 1s 23d from all good water bike specialists.

The first rule of Catfight club is not to bitch or gossip about Catfight club.

In shock news all pet parlours will be merged with hairdressers after legislation by the governement. There will be a new rate of VAT of 50% charged on these premises to offset the lost of revenue from big corporations paying little to no tax. In further changes charges will be levied on dog kennels and rabbit hutches as they are integrated into the bedroom tax and stones will be issued to every UK citizen to see what they can squeeze from them.

Rover unveiled its new in car telephone system complete with telephone exchange in the boot. It will eliminate the need for calling a switchboard and asking Mavis for 7162 Chattanooga by using a innovative new invention called a 'dialler'. Personally we think its a gimmick and still stand by semaphore as a more effective method but for novelty value we give it our thumbs up.

So the future is bright kiddywinkies, this is Bob Sombrero signing off with a big Yeehaw to you all and remember if it's not Bob it's not the future, you can depend on it.

(C) 1923 Bob Sombrero Almanac


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