Tuesday, October 01, 2013

Ur Letterz


NOT RIGHT
As always I enjoyed this series of Big Brother but as usual it didn't live up to its title. None of this years contestants were brothers or particularly big. We the public don't deserve to be misled in this way any more by devious TV executives and I have never been more disappointed since I found that Loose Women was indeed entirely accurate. As a request for future Big Brother contestants can we have more 'celebrities' that have earned their name by doing bugger all as I nearly recognised this years contestants and that worries me.
Jimbob Cletus, Hull

FANTASTIC!
I wish to congratulate the writers of Emmerdale for their recent story line highlighting the sorrow and pain that a bad haircut can bring. The actors shamelessly recreated a bob gone wrong with strength and commitment that will be felt by sufferers around the world. My bob was miss-cut in 1967 and it's taken me over forty six years of torment before I have allowed it to be reshaped into a small Bieber cut. No longer am I ridiculed, Emmerdale gave me the strength to return to the hairdressers and take the plunge. Thank you Emmerdale.
Donald Wheresmytrousers, Upem

MORE!, MORE!
Holiday Home Accidents Extreme the popular CCTV camcorder footage program is brilliant, I for one love to watch other people in life threatening situations, see massive injuries inflicted and car crashes that change lives as entertainment and cannot wait until you start your new series promising yet more horrific footage to entertain us at home. It's only through your program that I have become completely desensitised to society, have behavioural problems and cannot hold together a stable relationship because I see lust and love as the same thing.
A.Tallywhacker, Staffs

A GOOD CRY
Can we please see more tears and extreme sob stories on X-Factor? I am sick of talent trying to take over, give me some misery to revel in to make myself feel better. Is it a big thing to ask?
Sob Story, Miserable

OLD TIMES
What happened to Laurel and Hardy? Don't they make any films today or are TV executives being 'ageist' like in the case of that horsey bloke Mr Cririkkkkkyik. I'm sure the young un's of today would love a bit of silent slapstick instead of playing with their Atari Playtendo's. Somebody phone them up and get them to make more, I loved the one with the piano and the monkey. Made me laugh that did, something I haven't done since 1953 when Harold ran off with the window cleaner and I had to bring up six kids using a second hand goat.
Arthur Askey, 1923

SICK
I'm sick of repeats on television it's getting ridiculous. Repeats on television is getting on my nerves. Surely something can be done about the amount of repeats on television. Television is so full of repeats it's ridiculous. There's a ridiculous amount of repeats on television at the moment. Ridiculously the amount of repeats on television is ridiculous.
Same Old Same Old, Notts

MAKE MONEY
Why don't you get the people on Cash In The Attic to sell the items to Flog It who will then let the teams from Bargain Hunt choose from the vetted items. That way out of all three programs somebody has got to win and save me wasting my time watching them all shouting at the television at what idiots they are.
Quids In, Cash4Goats

WHO?
Family Fortunes, Mr & Mrs, Come Dancing and many others now all feature 'celebs' whilst programs providing 'entertainment' like X-Factor, The Voice and many others feature the public. It gets worse, Soaps feature talentless nobodies who think they are celebs whilst celebrity programs feature celebs that are talentless nobodies. I'm confused. Does that mean I'm a celebrity? And if so when do I get on television as I am available most of the year to appear on 'Get Me Out Of Here' as I could do with a free holiday.
Don't You Know Who I Am, Wannabee

BOTTOMS
We have a barrel, over the years we have been plundering it to bring you Merlin, Robin Hood and other big budget whack em' out shows allowing us to cash in quickly. Unfortunately we have reached the bottom and are now scraping along it trying to wow everyone with a take on Greek mythology. We are sorry for Atlantis.
Mr BBCITV, Television House, Cricklewood

 

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