To all those that think I'm a little bonkers with the blog I have decided to go all serious today with an informative cooking entry relating to current trends in the restaurant trade and home cooking. To help present today's blog we have celebrity chef Gordon Muthaf@*#%#* Ramsbottom joining us.
Today is &@*% Cooking Hell day, a guide for all you &@%#?rs who can't boil a &£@?!%* egg.
Take some s&@* and get a f£&@!*$ big knife and carefully arrange your &£@!*$% ingredients to look like this.
A nice pair of bol&@£k style earrings with spaghetti hooks and a tomato bracelet for all you &£@? out there. Don't like that? Well £&@? you.
I'm sick of being recognised in the street and I wish they would all £&@? off the w@*#k£%* so I have invented this disguise recipe. Wear this and no @&?!*$% tossers will recognise you, use a tomato if you want a redder nose.
I'm f£&@?*% sick of this already, here's the land speed record being broken.
And here's a film I was disappointed in, Free Willy had no c&@£ and £&@* action and lacked f&£@?*$, teab£&&*$!, g£&@?!#% show€#% and a69l, what a f&£@?!* joke. Are you £&@@#%$* still reading this £%
Let me show you my m@&£?! f£&@?!#$ snake! it's nearly as big as my c@%*
We would like to apologise to our viewers for the foul language Gordon has used and hope it does not cause offence. Ars£h@l£s like him should be f£&?*%# Bol£@*#%$ the runt.
Normal service will be resumed after the test card. Meanwhile enjoy some soothing music with the Royal Philharmonic Orchestra and their rendition of 'Smack my bitch up'.
Oh no, those men in the white coats are back! Yikes!