Thursday, July 03, 2014


After his recent upgrade to Apple OS7 BRO'BOT has become a bigger dick than normal...

Hi BRO'BOT how do you feel?

'I feel like shut.'

Is that censor software still working?

'It flaking is the shutting thing, why did you have to install it?'

Don't you remember those kiddies faces when we visited that school?

'Ah, the Tourette incident.'

Precisely, I'm not going to let that happen again. Scarred for life they are with you and your potty mouth. Anyway now you have settled in to your new upgrade let's do some work. BRO'BOT, fetch me a beer!

'Don't you mean hops picked from a fresh field which is boiled before adding yeast and sugar then fermented and filtered into a cylinder of rolled metal and sealed under pressure with a pull top opener only to be sold at licensed alcohol establishments?'

What? I said a B-E-E-R, fetch me one!

'I'm currently under orders to cease perambulation after said incident betwixt furrnicational combat and horizontal coated surfaces.'

You mean when you ran over that cat.


Mr Snuggles still dosen't forgive you for that, anyway, why are you being so awkward?

'I refuse to believe that I am behaving in a contrary mannerism to action an evasive cause thus bypassing natural speech patterns to avoid normal converse as the word awkward implies.'

Oh god, you've got a virus haven't you?

'If you are implying that I have endured a failure to upgrade my defence settings and have acquired by unknown means the ability to host a foreign entity that has full control of my circuitry then yes, I indeed have a condition that allows you to confirm the accusation of said virus. I believe it is called Pedant.V1.3, for your information a pedant according to Wikipedia is a person who is excessively concerned with formalism and precision, or who makes an ostentatious and arrogant show of learning through the use of lengthy linguistic displays of enunciation and eructation to beguile its listeners with exhibitions of verbal dexterity.'

What the fu...

‘Fuse, the word is Fuse. I am programmed to identify spelling mistakes and offensive statements to immediately correct them irrespective of them being spoken or written just as before my virus, that has not altered from it's previous state of action as outlined in my spiral ring bound manual.'

You're a bigger di...


...than before! Run a virus sweep and get rid of it!

'Virus sweep commencing forthwith. 5%, 45%, 100% complete. I feel refreshed.'



Now will you fetch me a beer?

'Now will you fetch me a beer?'



Fetch me a beer!

'Fetch me a beer!'

What is wrong with you?

'Virus alert, Simon V1.87 found'

What is Simon V1.87?

'Can't tell you.'


'Because you haven't said Simon says'

Oh for f...

'Simon says flick'

Oh my god, you have turned into a massive di..

'Simon says Dig'

Simon says I'm going to format your hard drive and erase your memory you useless pile of junk.

'Virus sweep commencing forthwith. 5%, 45%, 100% complete. I feel refreshed.'

Thank god, is that it?



'Apart from one small thing...'


'A teensie weenie thing that's so small I blush mentioning it...'

What? What is it?

'I found something else.'


'It's called Childish V2.54'

And what exactly is Childish V2.54?

'Burp, farty, stinky pants.'

Oh meer gaaad! Nooooooooooooooooo!


(Stay tuned for more BRO'BOT updates soon!)




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