Showing posts with label bbc. Show all posts
Showing posts with label bbc. Show all posts

Friday, August 07, 2015

Believe It Or Not, It's All True!


Did you know that MC Hammer invented flipflops? In 1967 MC Hammer was making breakfast when he accidentally dropped a waffle onto the floor of his luxury apartment. As he was barefooted at the time he stepped on the waffle which stuck to the base of his foot because of the maple syrup that covered it. In his surprise he lost grip of a rasher of bacon and this too fell but draped over toes and onto his waffle shoe effectively joining them together. As he stepped around his kitchen the resulting flip flop sound please him and he realised he had invented some funky new footwear. MC Hammer went on to release 'Hammer Time' with its catchy 'Can't Touch This' and voluminous trouser to raise funds for his flipflop business. It worked and flipflops became the trendiest beach wear around.

MC Hammer once bumped into pop hasbeen Chico and when a passing fan spotted them and asked what the time was it turned into carnage.
 
THAT'S INCREDIBLE!

Bruce Lee once punched Chuck Norris so hard that the resultant blast created the Ngorongoro crater in Tanzania and caused dormant DNA to form into a hundred different species of butterfly.
 
THAT'S INCREDIBLE!

Justin Bieber was once carried by his minder all the way around the world after he found a stone in his shoe and refused to remove it but that's nothing compared to celebrity pouter Nikki Minaj who once purchased two FabergĂ© Eggs at a whopping £45 million each to stuff down her pants for the ultimate back rack.

THAT'S INCREDIBLE!

Des'O'Connor loves Christmas so much that he celebrates it everyday and dresses up as Santa Claus each and every night. Des starts the day with a smoked salmon Xmas breakfast and follows it up with a full cooked dinner in front of the television. He has an extensive collection of Queens Christmas Day messages recorded on solid gold VHS tapes which he watches from 3pm until bedtime. The only day he doesn't celebrate Christmas is on Christmas Day itself, he celebrates Easter instead and gorges himself on Creme eggs.

THAT'S INCREDIBLE!

In 1881 radio two presenter Chris Evans was a young man who decided to experiment not the gaseous properties of the humble brussel. Using his extensive knowledge of plant husbandry he managed to grow the ultimate wind giving brussel sprout which he nicknamed the 'Little Boy'. Fearing ridicule he borrowed a small island in Indonesia from his friend Richard Branson to test out his discovery. There he cooked the brussel over an open camp fire causing it to crackle and pop as noxious fumes poured out of the brussel that could be seen for miles around.

On the morning of August 26th, 1883 Chris Evans started his initial tests and popped in a small piece of the miracle brussel. It tasted exactly like a normal brussel, disappointed he popped in the remains and bent over to put out the fire.

The resulting blast was the loudest ever recorded in history. Reports from London 3,600 miles away recorded a large rasping sound ending in a high pitched whistle, multicoloured sunsets and an overpowering smell that lingered for two months as Chris's flatulence blew with a force equivalent to 200 megatons of TNT. It destroyed Richard Branson's small island of Krakatoa, created twenty six separate tsunamis and left Chris's designer trousers in tatters. He was later found aimlessly walking in circles muttering to himself and smelling of rotting vegetables.

Many years later Chris joined the BBC but was forced to confess to his island destruction after breaking down on Desert Island Discs.

NOW THAT'S INCREDIBLE!

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

From The Nissen Hut

Many years ago whilst replacing sash windows with double glazing in our first house we came across this folded piece of paper encased in the hollow part of the sash window frame. It's a page from the Radio Times dated November 8th 1946 and came with the name of the sash window installers on a separate piece of paper. We were thrilled to find a piece of history dating part of the house so very carefully it was placed in an envelope and forgotten. Until now. Our recent car boot antics unearthed a lot of forgotten objects, this was found amongst other things so I thought I would try and piece it all together for the blog.

It took a bit of doing as most of the pieces were very delicate as one would expect for a piece of paper approaching sixty six but eventually I could read the page quite easily. The photos above and below are high resolution if you want to click on them to read it more clearly.

No television listings I'm afraid as televisions were a little thin on the ground even though BBC television after the war started broadcasting again on 7th June of this year with an announcement "Good afternoon everybody. How are you? Do you remember me, Jasmine Bligh?" and a Mickey Mouse cartoon.


Instead we are treated to a feast of radio with Charlie Chester in 'Stand Easy', Joe Loss and his Orchestra which still exists today minus Joe and of course Children's Hour with a story called 'Puffy Tam and the Tarboiler'. Sounds a classic. If you were listening at 7pm on 449.1m you would have heard 'Those Were The Days' of old time dance music, you know, real music, stuff you could hum to, not like today and all this wham bam boogaloo gingham style. I remember when down with the trumpets was listening to Harold Bishop and the Salvation Army Brass Band and not all about... Oh My! Ahem, let's move on...

This is the best bit though, early days of advertisements and naive persuasion to get you to invest in their brand. Some classic names that were destined to fail, Blondes stay blond, use Sta-Blonde, not very original is it although the product does guarantee to prevent darkening with age and miraculously to bring back the beauty of childhood. I particularly like the marmalade which classes itself as Chunky Special Standard. If its special its not really standard is it?

Even more miraculous is So-Taist-EE, see what they did there? Guaranteed using eighteen ingredients to make stews, pies and gravy delicious. It's that good it can turn its hand to anything, you can make great sandwiches with it and even stimulating beverages, although what it stimulates apart from your gag reflex is not explained although it promises to be highly concentrated and a little goes a long way. So it's the food equivelent of axle grease then? Yum!

Then we get something advertised thats really random for a radio listings magazine, Canary seed. Stuck for things to do? Then go to Hobbies British Fretwork Outfits, as they explain, and you must read this next part with a stuff upper lip, 'Any fellow enjoys using a box of tools'

I'm off to dig a bomb shelter in the garden and listen to Arthur Askey on the wireless, I might even take my Ukulele for a quick sing song as I hang up the black out curtains. Spam tonight but Jayne promises me that she has something So-Taist-EE to add that will make it taste like steak. Just hope I can keep my new blonde look until I finish my fretwork kit and complete the scale model of a galleon that I have built out of old shell casings and ration books.

Can you hear me, mother?

Ayethenkyou.