Lost No More.

Website updated, Magazine available, New Lost Impossimal website with beginning chapters online and galleries up and down the country ready.

LOST ALICE

has arrived

See it first this weekend at Castle Galleries, Bluewater this Saturday 26th between 1-4pm and meet us both, we will also be bringing along originals, sketches and maquettes from the releases as well as our usual brand of Impossimalness!

See you soon!

 

www.petersmithcollective.co.uk Home Of Foreverbunny and the Impossimals

Molly Knickerelastics Rubber Pants

Ahh, it was the title that led you here wasn't it you dirty little minx!

For those of you that are new to this blog you probably think it only gets updated every once in a while, recent posts have been somewhat sparse. Normally the blog is updated five days a week with random guff and assorted stuff from my cluttered up attic of a brain but due to a series of events this year I have not been so diligent in keeping the useless banter up. So, from today, normal service will be resumed with a daily dose of weekday randomness.

I'm a weeks time we start the Lost Alice appearances along with the Car Park Picnics, and if you have never seen a car park picnic then stay tuned, we will bring you all the latest smelly car park reports live each week. Whilst you are waiting let's move along shall we?

Anyway, to kick things off with a multitude of blog entries here's a nice blast from the past to get you in the mood and a taster of the strangeness to come; The Pirate Pie Shoppe.

After having his galleon the Sloop Dog confiscated for firing a volley of sixty guns at a canal boat driven by an elderly couple in Norfolk Captn' Cannon Balls fell on hard times. Finally he managed to scrape up enough pieces of eight after pawning his parrot to open up a pie shop. We join Captn' Cannon Balls on the opening day of The Booty Pie.

In walks his first customer, a slim lady obviously wealthy.

'Ahoy me beauty, youre makin' my roger jolly. Can I interest you in a pie, it's chum free me darlin'

'Errr, I'm sorry, I think I'm in the wrong shop, didn't this used to be Molly's Haberdashery?'

'Aye! 'twas landlubber Molly's before, a fine beauty she was. I'd love to drop anchor in her lagoon'

'I beg your pardon?'

'All fresh me beauty, baked by my own fair hands did I. That's a treasure of a chest you have mind you'

'Hmm how crude, ok, what have you got?'

'I'd be 'avin a Salty Dog, a Beef Booty, a selection of Doubloon Rolls and a fine Minced Urchin Pasty'

'What's a Beef Booty? I'm unfamiliar with most of these pies.'

'It be 'avin beef in it.'

'Beef? What's the booty about then?'

'Booty is the other ingredient me beauty. Let me fire me cannon through your porthole.''

'Vile man, What other ingredient?'

Cough, 'Shark n'stuff'

'Shark!'

'Aye, n'stuff'

'What stuff?'

'It be nuthin to concern yourself with me beauty.'

'What stuff?'

Cough, 'Me first mate'

'Why you murderer! Police, police!'

'You'd not be needin' them me beauty, think of it like buried treasure. I never laid a finger on him'

'Then how did he get in the pie?'

'Shark ate him'

'Seriously? You expect me to believe that?'

'Smartly, me lass, he was mendin' me ship and the shark nabbed 'im'

'So what's in the Salty Dog then, dog?'

'Aye, that would be silly, it's Puffin'

'Puffin?'

'Aye, Puffin the cabin boy'

'Another murder! Help! Help!'

'Now don't be gettin' all haulin' keel, it was his suggestion'

'Oh my god, how can it be his suggestion?'

'He suggested he wanted to be captain of me vessel the Sloop Dog me lass'

'You have a boat?'

'Aye, I do me beauty'

'And is it big?'

'Aye, it's a sixty footer, a cannon for each foot and a crew of thirty bloodthirsty scallywags awaitin' adventure.'

'Hmm, do you have any treasure?'

'Alas no lass, but I have a map. It marks the spot of Great Blacklegs haul, booty beyond imaginin'

'That's a nice cutlass you have there.'

'Aye it is that lass'

'What you need is a good scabbard to put it in.'

'Pardon?'

'You heard me, come show me how you bury your treasure me lad'

'Hang on, I'm the pirate here.'

'Aye, let me scrape the barnacles off your rudder'

'Out! This is a respectable pie shop, out!'

'No need to get your yard arm in a twist, fancy going for a blackjack of grog later matey? I've crushed men's skulls between my thighs'

'Out, out, out!'

The lady leaves.

'Disgusting, absolutely disgusting. I'm not having any of that kind of filth in my shop'

In walks the next customer, a middle aged lady.

'Mornin' lass, yes it is a horn pipe in my pocket and i'm pleased to see you, if you want to see me urchins I'll show you a real yard arm to split your booty'

Sadly Captn' Cannon Balls Booty Pie shop closed down several days later after numerous complaints about suggestive behaviour and inappropriate swashbuckling. Further investigations revealed the Captn' to be a figment of the authors warped imagination just before he was fastened in a straight jacket and placed in a padded cell accompanied by the shouts of 'Prepare to be boarded me beauty' and 'I'll smash yer back doors in'. Psychology results still pending provided they can get him to stop typing random blog entries like this one.

www.petersmithcollective.co.uk Home Of Foreverbunny and the Impossimals

Your Handy Viewing Guide

Whilst waiting for Lost Alice to be released this weekend why not enjoy a spot of television with our handy cut-out and keep TV-Guide, I have been assured that quality programs are regularly aired although apparently not in this country.

***** Rating indicates how much to drink before watching. 

* A wee dram, ** Two pints and a Babycham, *** One bottle of Chablis and a Whisky chaser, **** One Tiger Blood, three Jaigermeister slammers, four jelly shots, a bottle of Stolly and a shandy, ***** Go to the supermarket and fill your trolley with as much alcohol as you can, return home and start drinking at 9am in the morning focusing on ten units an hour, by the time the program comes on your will be in the perfect state to enjoy it.

MONDAY

8:00pm BBC 1 The Great British Strip Off ****

Members of the public get to remove clothing in this new program combining cooking and exhibitionism in a game of strip baking. Judged by the Silver Stoat and Baking Goddess Barely Merry, contestants must create three fantastic tarts and remove clothes exotically to the latest dance tracks whilst host Perky Sue utilises the pole in the centre of the tent. 

6:30pm ITV On The Buses (R) **

Hilarious entertainment in this award winning fly on the wall documentary about Stan the bus man. Watch how he ignores bus stops, brakes quickly to topple old ladies and finally removes the upper deck after driving under a low bridge for a dare. WARNING : Contains scenes of a No.45 to Hull that accidentally drives through Mansfield (18+)

TUESDAY

7:00pm BBC 3. Dr Wooooo *****

Dr Wooooo faces his greatest challenge when a shift in the time space continuum places his toilet cubicle time machine in the centre of the Crossroads motel set. Watch as he battles Benny, has a spat with Amy Turtle and falls through the wall of room two only to reveal its all an elaborate set up to hide Crossroads real motive to sell antiques through the guise of Acorn Antiques masterminded by Miss Babs.

WEDNESDAY 

7:00pm until Christmas Day ITV 1, ITV 2, ITV 3 Z-Factor ******************

Prepare yourself for an onslaught of entertainment by watching something else but if you really must watch this episode lasts for four months so make sure you are on a alcohol drip feed. Highlights include sob stories about pet dogs, that's about it really.

9:00pm FILM Masterchef Goes Bananas C4*** & a fruit cake

When Gorden Ramsical enters the kitchen and cooks a triple chocolate candy coated three foot high starfish with whipped cream and cherries Gregg Walnut takes one bite and writhes around the floor in ecstasy for the next 90 minutes before Jon Terroldio stabs Gorden in a jealous rage over the filleting of a stickleback. One to watch!

SATURDAY

10:00am The Keremy Jyle Show BBC2***** 

Wannabe celebrity guests compare teeth and fight with a chance of winning a prize of a full set of dentures courtesy of ChavChops, dentist to the stars.

7:00pm Strictly Come Prancing BBC1***********************************************

Sexy dancing, stunning sets with well known and cherished celebrities is what this show should be all about, instead get ZZZ listers that cavort and floob around a studio to provide embarrassing routines to slip-shoddy music whilst dads look at the skimpy outfits and mums lust after well toned bodies. 

1:00am TEST CARD BBC (Must Watch!)

See if the noughts and crosses competition running since 1967 comes to a thrilling conclusion with clown just one 'nought' away from victory, will this be the night of nights? Highly recommended!

Once Upon A Time

Alice was getting very tired sitting looking out of the tall windows watching the rain, drip dropping on the window pane, the slow ticking of the old grandfather clock in the corner adding to the endless monotony. She idly traced the path of one such drip as it travelled on its way. "Why does it always rain on days that end in day?" thought Alice, which rather surprised her as days were always days and a day was a day like any other day. All this rather confused Alice which was also surprising for a lady a little short of half a century who really should know better than to have such fanciful thoughts.

Placed carefully in the window bottom was a small rectangular parcel, quite scruffily wrapped in brown paper with a disused orange marmalade label sealing the folds. On the front it was addressed quite simply to 'ALICE' followed by a thumb print of the finest jam. Alice knew it was jam as it still had a few pips attached.

It had arrived unexpectedly in an unexpected way as unexpected things do that very morning when a tiny knock on the door disturbed Alice from reading her book. It lay on the doorstep with not a soul in view. "Well!" thought Alice to herself. "How rude! They could of at least have said hello!". It was placed in the window bottom for later, Alice didn't have many surprises and wanted this one to last a while longer.

You may remember Alice from her adventures many years ago, you may have even read about them; Alice however refused to believe that she had been on adventures, she even refused to believe in Hatters and Caterpillars and Queens Of Hearts nor Gryphon's or Cats from Cheshire and far. As for Wonderland she spoke no more, in fact the whole imagined episode was becoming a farcical bore.

No, this Alice had lost something.

A special something that even Alice wasn't aware she had lost in the first place.

CONT.

Lost Alice - Are You Ready?

Done.

Complete.

Lost Alice after nine months is finished.

Alice's Adventures in Wonderland, probably one of the most imaginatively creative popular books of our time celebrated its 150th anniversary this year, a cornerstone of children's literature and the inspiration for a thousand  more it has no equal. A book full of humour, puzzling situations, lateral thinking, mathematics and wordplay enshrined in a wondrous world of surrealism and symbolism alike.

Last November I sat with my sketchpad trying to work out the details to what would have been the third Lost Impossimal collection - Revelation, the continuing story of murder and mystery spanning hundreds of years but my mind wandered. Idly I sketched out a Lost Impossimal divided between two worlds, Impossimal in looks but merged with Victorian imagery inspired by Punch annuals from 1899. What I should have created was a young Victorian girl wearing two types of clothing reflecting both sides of Victorian society, she was to be in a scene with one of my new characters centred around Spring Heeled Jack; a spark spitting, high jumping, red eyed creation from Victorian folklore.

Instead I had created Alice, not as we know her but rather as parts of Alice pulled together from other sources; almost an amalgamation of minds, a gathering of cherished stories, it all felt strangely familiar. It made me think; what if all creators of popular children's fiction share one thing , what if Roald Dahl, L. Frank Baum, Norton Juster, Dr Seuss and a multitude of others had all mentally visited the same place in one form or another, a collective state of mind that goes one step beyond a dream.

What if that place was real and always there it's just we lose the way to find it.

What if we could find a way back, what would we find now it's been abandoned for all these years.

What if it was called Wonderland?

What if I could show you the way?

Wonderland needs you;  Alice is not herself, in fact she's 'everyoneself' as the Hatter calls it and it's all got very confusing now several new doors have appeared.

For doors need keys and keys need locks, 

several contain the Jabberwocks, 

whilst others open to a different land,

one is never sure who you will be,

when Alice turns out to be all three.

Lost Alice

Coming Soon

A New Wonder In Wonderland

After nine months, one Knickerbockergloria dragon, a Michelin starred Impossimal night, 36kg of clay, six massive eight foot sets, industrial lighting rigs, 36 maquettes and over 5,000 individually made objects we have reached the final stage and the last painting that make up Lost Alice, this years major Impossimal release pencilled in for September. Originally this years releases were supposed to be part three of the Lost Impossimals - 'Revelation' but really we couldn't ignore the fact that Alice In Wonderland celebrated its 150th birthday this year hence this new collection.

We have both joined forces and sunk so much time into this project yet barely scratched the surface of a brand new Wonderland that will expand to go beyond your wildest dreams into a realm like no other. From the predictable title of 'We're all mad here!' to the unpredictable 'Tweedle Do and Tweedle Don't' the madness has seeped out into the artwork so be prepared to view a different kind of Wonderland; a wonderland twisted and crafted around classic literature mixed with fairy tales through the eyes of a very different Alice.

In preparation Jayne has created twenty bespoke original pieces of Alice and the Queen Of Hearts to accompany my six major oils and we have also designed four new sculptures to sit along side. Nine stand alone original maquettes, nine mounted maquette displays and several complex oil sketches will also be available and the whole thing will be packaged up and moved around the country as we go on tour reaching destinations we haven't covered in a while.

The final piece in the Alice jigsaw though is the hardest...

Between 1853 and 1863 four volumes and seven pages of text went missing from a set of thirteen diaries written by a Charles Lutwidge Dodgson, ripped out and discarded by unknown hands. The whereabouts of the missing pages remain a mystery to this day. Were they destroyed? Or hidden?

You may know Charles better by his pen name, Lewis Carroll.

The missing pages are parts of an unseen Wonderland, each revealing untold tales and further adventures of a girl called Alice. Earlier this year we found one of the pages when we opened up The Secret Pantry, Wonderland is everywhere, you just need to know where to look.

And my role in all this?

I'm writing a third Wonderland book.

So be prepared, it's all going to get rather surreal.

 

www.petersmithcollective.co.uk Home Of Foreverbunny and the Impossimals

Return

There is another Wonderland book.

An untold story of Alice who is the Red Queen, I mean the Queen Of Hearts who is Alice but half of the Red Queen, you see that's the problem, it's all got terribly confusing since we found the door.

But wait, you don't know about the door do you?

You wish to find out? Good, then follow me...

...Deeper

And

Deeper

We go.

A third book, four sculptures, six paintings, twenty five keys, three hundred and fifty objects, thousands of hours and only one closed door.

It opens this October.

 

 

Alice is waiting for you.

 

www.petersmithcollective.co.uk Home Of Foreverbunny and the Impossimals