1. Pies are more popular than horses. Last year a staggering 9,726,263,163 pies were consumed, that's an amazing 173.68 pies per person whilst horses accounted for only 3,000,000 burgers.
2. The largest man made pie was the Piepockalypse, a whopping 45,000lb chicken pie created by master bakers R.U.Fatt Ltd in 1983. It remained in the British Museum's pie exhibition until last year when it was part of the Jubilee celebrations when it became the first ever Pieboat in the Jubilee flotilla. It sank shortly after launch when it was discovered that its lard and flour casing had sprung a leak, pieces of pastry still litter the banks of the Thames till this very day.
3. The expression 'Easy As Pie' does not mean pie's are easy it actually means something is easy to do, just like pies.
4. 'A Piece of Cake' means the same although its about cakes not pies and never mentions that cakes are easy too.
5. Never ask a mathematician to slice a pie, you will be there all day. The first slice will be fine but the rest will be cut to 23,363 decimal places and take several days to complete all the cuts.
6. That is because a mathematician will think a pie is actually Pi which is a character from Midsummers Night Dream or something, I don't know, I only know about pies don't ask me to be academic.
7. If a gangsta wants to 'Pop Your Pie' you had better run, especially if you are in the jail shower at the time.
8. Pies containing fruit are called fruit pies and are not very good served with chips.
9. Use gravy instead, it helps bring out the flavour of the fruit.
10. A fisherman's pie contains real fishermen trawled from the seabed using large nets whilst a supermarket fish pie contains 2lbs of potato, a small chopped carrot and a prawn.
11. The first pie shop was opened in 1066 after the battle of Hastings. A war over who got the rights to the name 'Ye Olde Pie Shop' was resolved when it got out of hand and somebodies eye got poked out. A pie can still be seen in the Bayeux Tapestry, panel seven, top left, just under the iPod.
12. A pizza is a pie just don't expect steak and kidney to be on your local Pizza House menu, that's because in Italian 'pie' means 'windy bottom' so they changed it to pizza instead but kept the round shape and removed the lid.
13. A custard pie is a pie containing custard whilst a fruit pie contains fruit with a possibility of custard and a meat pie contains meat but no custard, handy to know if you don't like custard.
14. If you want a nice pie M&S will probably do one, pop down and check them out.
15. Or try your local supermarket or small shop.
16. Don't try the hairdressers, unless you want to be embarrassed by asking for a pie that is hairy.
17. 'Shut Your Pie Hole' means just that, any hole you have created for storing pies needs to be filled in as its no longer required.
18. When Tutankhamen's tomb was opened in 1998 they found amongst all the treasure an ancient pie made from giraffe and slaves. Etched in the intricate pastry work was the hieroglyphic inscription 'On swift wings death will arrive after a bite or a munch on this'. Sir Albert Tacklock dismissed the inscription and ate a bit of burnt crust, he died immediately after a long illness several years later on his 106th birthday.
19. By 2015 Greggs is expecting to open its first ever pie shop in space - on the moon! The international space station already has a concession shop on board with pies for sale at a whopping £234,253 each!
20. A lot of pies are named after their place of origin, Cottage Pie comes from Cottage, a small house shaped like a pie, Pork Pie comes from Pork, a small village in Yorkshire whilst Pasty describes somebody who is looking off colour.
21. Using pies to count up to twenty doesn't work very well.
22. Arithbitematics - If you want to count using a pie simply take a bite for each number, if you ever get stuck simply count the number of bites you have taken to know where you are.
23. Multiple pies can be used for advanced Arithbitematics.
24. A Pork Pie can be used in formal situations as a smart hat. Simply remove the lid and eat the contents. Turn it upside down an place it at a jaunty angle to look pie-tastic at weddings, funerals etc. Use miniature pork pies for added amusement factor.
25. 95% of people reading this will have at some point eaten a pie, or horse depending on which shop you went to.
www.petersmithcollective.co.uk Home Of Foreverbunny and the Impossimals
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