Friday, January 24, 2014

Welcome to Comp-u-date, please fill in our questionnaire to find your perfect partner in seconds. Love guaranteed at first sight, soul mates a speciality, no time wasters or pugly people.

Ideal build

A) Slim and svelte
B) Average with a tendency to over eat
C) Bouncy castle
D) Thunder thighs with roll top bottom and back rack


A) Bland and attracts flies
B) Considered attractive by some forgotten tribes
C) Drop dead gorgeous with a lazy eye
D) A cross between Rod Hull and Emu


A) Helium balloons and goats
B) Counting rivets on trains
C) Gorging on chocolate and cheese whilst watching Twilight movies
D) Squat thrusting in supermarket aisles

Age preference

A) 18-25
B) Cougar
D) 34 years, 7 days and 2 hours 23 minutes.

Hair colour

A) Grey
B) Puce
C) Blond but is a brunette
D) Brunette that is a blond

Shoe size

A) 3-4
B) 9-11
C) Kayak
D) Clown


A) Positive thinker
B) Jerk
C) Miserable sad sack
D) Couch potato


A) Cats
B) Cats
C) Cats
D) Siberian Pygmy donkeys


A) Cats
B) Removing nasal hair with pliers
C) Playing Dutch ovens
D) Moustaches on mice

One sentence to describe your perfect mate

A) Suave, sophisticated with a tendency to oil squirrels which is why they never make a noise
B) Quiet stay at home type with homicidal tendencies
C) Loud obnoxious ugly slob with lots of money
D) Perfect partner with julabubs to rub and a well used fan belt

Bzzzzzkkkkkt! Your perfect partner is Zoink! being selected from our Krunk! database, please wait.
Mostly A's
You will be Oprah the moon with your selection, they come fully loaded and with a free razor.

Mostly B's

Baby faced Brian, a popular choice due to his incredible physique that unfortunately falls down in the trouser department with his petit pois and baby carrot. Comes with free rusks.

Mostly C's

No more horsing around with this thin faced catch, comes with baggage and saggage but lives in the city and has pretty friends. Makes films and wears a saddle without kicking.

Mostly D's

Dang nabbit it's country boy yawl, you can go squirrellin' and feast on grits. Free crazy teeth for all your kids, comes with tin bath and friends called Cletus.

We hope you find everlasting love with our accurate selections, please call again and leave you message after the tone.

Comp-u-date software has been developed by Sinclair Electronics. ©ZX-80 version 2.0


Dog goes woof, cat goes meow, bird goes tweet. Funky fox looking for sexy stoat, come and find out what the fox says and stroke my brush. Dial 018726-62552-66 now!

Pale face seeks Pocahontas to Pocahontas all night. Box 6524

Flyboy wants to take you to heaven and back on his golden unicorn of delight. No time wasters or Ogres. Box 8263

Troll, own bridge seeks flirty goat for gruffing. Box 862

Sleeping beauty requires waking, must fight dragon first and ride a silver stallion. Please note, I am NOT Rapunzel, use the stairs, key under mat. Box 829163

Still looking, desperate house maid trapped by two sisters. Feet in bandages after accident with glass slippers. Will meet but must be home before midnight. Box 91625

Naive girl followed wrong path in life and ended up with three losers for friends. Let down at last minute by a fake magician and followed by small people. Accidentally killed a lady, owns ruby shoes and comes with pigtails. Reply Dorothy Box 41637


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