I Have A Tiddler

(Pretend you are Pam Ayres when you read this it may help)

I only have a small one, a tiddler to you and me

To please the folk I give it a poke but a tiddlers hardly glee

Although its short its as straight as it ought, but it's no pleasure to see

In bad light it might feel alright and even fit the bill, but really I'm just getting old and my tiddlers over the hill.

You can see my dilemma with my short straight fella, made worse when given a chance

By a friend to enter his shed and look at his Fred, a name not given from a glance

For he had one as large as twelve inch, that bowed in the middle like a bow on a fiddle

Long thin and straight it went well past the eight, on my ruler I had bought from Lidl

Mine is bigger and could well be a topper, said my other friend who suddenly whipped out a whopper

We laid them all out and indeed his was a clout, it was a gobsmacking long straight show stopper

It knocked us for six and we all took a breath, astonished we were and nearly scared half to death

For on the wooden bench was a foot and a bit, straight and long it was part King Kong

A cucumber of massive proportions lay there, not the dirty end of this verse you thought let's be fair.

So if you have a small little tiddler, take heed, you can always write verse

Have a go at something like this, you really can't do any worse

We leave our poem on a lighter note, tiddlers of all sizes will always get my vote

From big ones to small they are all so different, cucumbers are like that, size is indifferent

To the taste and the flavour, from big to the small, once it's in your mouth size matters not at all.

(My ditty to the three cucumbers in my fridge)

Monday, July 15, 2013